CarrieT Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 For the 2 1/2 years of our relationship, I begged him to get into rehab. Like most alcoholics, he rationalized his disease and I had to suffer through the rationalizations, fights, and traumas. I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him seven months ago. I have been terribly lonely and not coping well with being on my own for the first time. I miss the man I fell in love with -- not the abusive, alcoholic I broke up with. And I heard today that he is finally going into rehab. I suppose I should be happy for him and part of me is, of course. But a huge part is hurt that he couldn't/wouldn't do it to save our relationship. Maybe I am sad that the man I *did* fall in love with is going to reappear in his sobriety and he will eventually be going on to someone else, instead of coming back to me. And I can also rationalize that if I could at least get a date, I might not feel quite so lonely and despondent. I miss being part of a couple. I know there is no answer to this - I'm just venting. I just wanted to be important enough to someone to warrant working through problems to maintain the relationship. I know he is doing it because he has reached his lowest point; almost complete loss of everything he owns, poverty, and destitution versus the life of opulence we had together. It is good that he is doing this and that he is doing it for HIMSELF, but I still wish he had wanted to do it for me...
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I know there is no answer to this - I'm just venting. I just wanted to be important enough to someone to warrant working through problems to maintain the relationship. I know he is doing it because he has reached his lowest point; almost complete loss of everything he owns, poverty, and destitution versus the life of opulence we had together. It is good that he is doing this and that he is doing it for HIMSELF, but I still wish he had wanted to do it for me... I am sure he wanted to- In fact, I am sure he desperately wanted to. I screwed up a whole lot of things in my life when I was drinking. I wanted to quit every day. It took a very bad thing to happen to me to seek help and go to rehab. Ultimately, a person will do it when they are ready. You leaving him may have given him part of the kick he needed. It had nothing to do with you not being "worth" quitting over. Don't look at it that way. Self control is lost in addictions. It doesn't mean he didn't love you or want to quit for you- it's much more likely he didn't love himself or consider himself worthy.
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