I'm a married woman that loves my family but has a crush on my profossor

February 27, 2009

I know how horrible this sounds already. Lets get one things straight though...I have never in my life cheated on anyone that I have been in a relationship with. I'm 25, been married to a wonderful man who I do love with all my heart for 4 years...we've been together 5., and our daughter is almost 2. All I do is go to school full time and take care of my daughter and house for now.

I never go out anymore. We never do things anymore just me and him. We both use to be big in the local music scene and hit up all the shows around town, and party...all that stuff. Of course all that changed after my daughter was born, and I'm okay with that. I guess my problem is sometimes I feel like I'm not entitled to do anything else other than what I already do daily, while he is still able to do things occasionally, All this I guess brings me to my real question.........I have found myself having a crush on one of my professors this semester. This has never happened before, and the more I think about it the worst it gets.

This is an innocent crush...he's said nothing or done nothing to provoke it. I just find him to be attractive. I think part of it is he is a younger professor. He can't be that much older than I am. I feel like this may stem off my "intimate" life at home. My husband and I are rarely intimate. He works nights and when he comes home I am sleeping and then I have to be up b/w 6 and 7 for our daughter. He works all the time. I guess we don't know how to make time for each other really, and then when we are intimate I find myself getting bored b/c at one point in my life I was into trying new things so to speak, and he is just so ordinary. When I ask him about spicing things up some he doesn't want change.

I don't want to be mean and be like "I'm bored." So I just don't know what to do. I have found myself thinking about my professor in an unprofessional way if you know what I mean. All though I love my husband I feel like something is lacking. Even though I believe in my heart that if I was put into a situation where I had the chance to be intimate with my professor that I would not do it. I love my family and don't want to jeopardize it. I just don't know if these feelings are normal. I keep fighting them off and they get worse. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

February 27, 2009

I know how horrible this sounds already. Lets get one things straight though...I have never in my life cheated on anyone that I have been in a relationship with. I'm 25, been married to a wonderful man who I do love with all my heart for 4 years...we've been together 5., and our daughter is almost 2. All I do is go to school full time and take care of my daughter and house for now. I never go out anymore. We never do things anymore just me and him. We both use to be big in the local music scene and hit up all the shows around town, and party...all that stuff. Of course all that changed after my daughter was born, and I'm okay with that. I guess my problem is sometimes I feel like I'm not entitled to do anything else other than what I already do daily

You sound just like my x-wife. I stayed home with the kids so she could go out with friends and blow off steam. I was glad to do it. Thought I was being a good husband. Boy was I a fool.

All this I guess brings me to my real question.........I have found myself having a crush on one of my professors this semester. This has never happened before, and the more I think about it the worst it gets. This is an innocent crush

No, its not innocent seeing as how you said what is bolded above. Its a trainwreck waiting to happen whether the professor knows of this or not.

...he's said nothing or done nothing to provoke it. I just find him to be attractive. I think part of it is he is a younger professor. He can't be that much older than I am. I feel like this may stem off my "intimate" life at home. My husband and I are rarely intimate.

And why is that? Both of you fell into a rut once you became parents? Its all too common. Have you talked to him about this lack of intimacy? Do you initiate anything? Does he?

He works nights and when he comes home I am sleeping and then I have to be up b/w 6 and 7 for our daughter. He works all the time. I guess we don't know how to make time for each other really, and then when we are intimate I find myself getting bored b/c at one point in my life I was into trying new things so to speak, and he is just so ordinary.

Ah, so this is his fault?

When I ask him about spicing things up some he doesn't want change. I don't want to be mean and be like "I'm bored." So I just don't know what to do. I have found myself thinking about my professor in an unprofessional way if you know what I mean. All though I love my husband I feel like something is lacking.

Then get to counseling BEFORE you end up cheating. And don't say that will never happen. You didn't think you'd be crushing on someone else either.

Even though I believe in my heart that if I was put into a situation where I had the chance to be intimate with my professor that I would not do it. I love my family and don't want to jeopardize it. I just don't know if these feelings are normal. I keep fighting them off and they get worse. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

No, never once thought about cheating or having feelings with someone else even when the intimacy in my own marriage was lacking due to being rejected all the time.

And the fact that you have to "fight off" these feelings tells me that you WOULD indulge yourself with this professor if the perfect opportunity arose where you think your H wouldn't find out.

So as far as fighting off feelings, the two of you need to get into counseling.

Let me ask you, what do you think would change in your marriage if you were to tell your H you are crushing on your professor?

February 27, 2009

I apprichate your advice, but you seem to not really understand me. When you say I sound like your ex...the thing that gets me is that everyone is entitled to go out once and a while and have a good time. You said you use to keep the kids for her to go out...I never go out anywhere. My daughters almost 2 and I have only been out 2 times without my husband where he kept her...both times were with my friends. I'm not a horrible person. I have never felt this way before and I don't understand it. Thats the only reason I asked for advice

February 27, 2009

Now is the time to focus that energy you are expending on your crush towards spicing things up with your husband. You can't just talk to him about it, you actually have to take action...yes you!, not him. Plan a date for the two of you, research something exciting to do, plan it and THEN invite him to join you. Don't just try once or twice either. Keep at it, be consistent, he may not be receptive at first but don't give up too soon if he doesn't respond, give him time to shake off that ordinary person in him and follow your pace in waking up to a more exciting life.

I say you have to be the one to take action because too often we complain about boredom in our relationships, then we just sit there and expect our SO to morph into Mr/Mrs Entertainer who will get us out of our rut and that is not cool. You are the one bored, you be the one to start taking steps to "unbore" yourself.

If it does come to that point that your husband is not responding to your actions, you will need to start doing new things for your own benefit. Join a gym, a cooking class, whatever you find exciting. Even if it's a few hours a day--I know you have children.

Having crushes in any relationship is normal, it lets you know you are still alive, often times, it is your mind trying to alert you that it needs some stimulation...call it an built in warning system. You respond to that warning not by cheating or spending your days pining over a professor. What you do is redirect that crush back into your existing relationship.

February 28, 2009

It's normal to be attracted to members of the opposite sex, even for couples married 20 years or more. The problem is when it becomes an obsession, or you act upon this attraction.

The problem is people don't know when or how to turn it off.

You recognize this is a problem for you, or you wouldn't be asking for advise. In the words of someone wiser than I, the best way to kill a snake is to cut off it's head.

If you're becoming obsessed with your attraction to your professor, then you need to cut off the head by avoiding contact with him. Withdrawl from his class, do not take any other classes which he teaches, etc. I already know what your thinking, BUT what's more important, obtaining a degree, or saving your marriage.

As far a issues with your husband, it's easy to get into a rut, or a routine, after a number of years. Especially after children come along. Do the two of you have a date night? If not, then agree to spend one night a week, with the just the two of you. Dinner, movie, whatever. It will work wonders and allow the two of you to reconnect.

I'm glad you came to us for advise now, not after you've slept with your professor and possibly ruined your marriage.

Best of Luck!

February 28, 2009

My partner and I moved to the UK from France in 2006.

We are seriously short of funds right now, because he is a full-time student, and I don't have a high salary, but it's all we've got.

We live hand to mouth, month to month, and permanently in our overdraft facility.

We do not have a social circle at all....I meet people through work, but I don't have a network of friends, at all.

We never go out - we can't afford it. The last time I bought any 'new' clothing was from a charity shop. A jumper - imagine that, for around (the UK equivalent of) $6.00!

Bored - ? My goodness, my main - if not only - respite, is coming on here and talking to people!

My partner, though surrounded by many "pretty young things" has no desire, nor temptation to stray, for a bit of fun.

So don't come out with all this baloney and excuses for why you have a crush, how lacking in anything your marriage is, and how bored and frustrated you feel....

The bottom line is you fancy another bloke.

That's all there is to it.

because if you felt sufficiently enamored of your husband, the thought of a crush would not even flit across your mind, in your dreams.

You fancy someone else.

So now, all you have to do, is ask yourself one question:

Do I want to stay faithful, or do I want to find a way of opening my legs for another man?

This is the one and only question you have to answer.

I know it's blunt, but really, this truly is all it comes down to.

February 28, 2009

We never do things anymore just me and him.

sometimes I feel like I'm not entitled to do anything else other than what I already do daily, while he is still able to do things occasionally,

My husband and I are rarely intimate.

and then when we are intimate I find myself getting bored b/c at one point in my life I was into trying new things so to speak, and he is just so ordinary.

I just don't know if these feelings are normal. I keep fighting them off and they get worse. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

Even if these feelings are normal -- for a young woman to fall for / begin admiring her professor, what would not be normal is for you to act on them, or for you to let the professor know about your fantasies in ANY way!!!!

As far as I can see from the parts extricated in your post above, you are making excuses mentally for you to potentially cheat on your husband -- thereby laying down the groundwork for an affair to 'just happen (!!?)'... watch out you are doing dangerous things here.

My advice is to STEP CLOSER to your H and tell HIM you have a crush on your young professor. Also, ask your H to do new and exciting sexual stuff with you, because you are craving it badly, and tell H you really need a date night with him.

It you do not make active concrete changes to your marriage right now, you are headed for an affair, guaranteed, with that kind of thinking -- whether or not it is with this man (professor) or another available man. It's in your hands which way you turn at this point of crossroads in your life -- one road leads you to better/closer intimacy with your H, and possibly your needs met, the Other road leads to a big mess!

February 28, 2009

look but don't touch. you're human.

March 1, 2009

I don't know where my post went that i posted yesterday. I thought it was some good advice and don't know why it would've been deleted.

I'll go ahead and repeat:

I think some of you are being a little hard on the O/P. I mean you guys are acting like she's already cheated. Who made the rule that you go blind after getting married and quit finding other people attractive?

It might be time to just spice things up with your husband. If he refuses to change when you ask him to spice up, then you need to let him know how much it actually bothers you so he'll take it more serious. Maybe set up some date nights, get a gym membership together, take some dance classes together, or something. Try to spice it up and not give in to temptation.

Trust me, i've cheated before and believe me, you don't want that guilt.

March 1, 2009

Trust me, i've cheated before and believe me, you don't want that guilt.

Just curious -- did you have that guilt over the affair without anyone else finding out about it, or perhaps after your SO or others found out? I am wondering how guilt kicks in with affair participants, because surely people have to block it initially, to get past Go.

March 1, 2009

Just curious -- did you have that guilt over the affair without anyone else finding out about it, or perhaps after your SO or others found out? I am wondering how guilt kicks in with affair participants, because surely people have to block it initially, to get past Go.

Even though this might be detrimental for the O/P, i'm going to answer and say she never found out. I didn't have the king- kong balls to tell her because it would've either ruined our relationship or permanently scarred it to the point she never trusted me again, thus later ending it anyway. I just made myself a promise to never do it again. Like i said, we're human and sometimes fantasize with co-workers or other women, but i don't think any pleasure is worth the guilt at the end. I beat myself up for what i did for over 6 months. For a while, i couldn't even stand to look her in the face.

March 2, 2009

sorry for the t/j but -- thanks for your reply Fetish, so it IS possible, like I thought, for a wandering person to STOP his/her cheating in the future, by him/her-self!

In other words, the BS doesn't have to provide severe consequences to a person who has it in themselves to get back to acting with integrity.... in another thread pelican Preacher asks if this is possible -- your example shows it IS!

How long ago was your affair?

March 2, 2009

sorry for the t/j but -- thanks for your reply Fetish, so it IS possible, like I thought, for a wandering person to STOP his/her cheating in the future, by him/her-self!
In other words, the BS doesn't have to provide severe consequences to a person who has it in themselves to get back to acting with integrity.... in another thread pelican Preacher asks if this is possible -- your example shows it IS!
How long ago was your affair?

last time was in late 2005

March 3, 2009

(Are you implying there may be a 'next time'...?)

March 3, 2009

(Are you implying there may be a 'next time'...?)

No. i didn't mean it like that. i guess i did word that funny.

March 3, 2009

Words, huh?

Gotta love 'em!!

The OP has been conspicuous by her absence,

I still stand by what I said in my Post:

(...) don't come out with all this baloney and excuses for why you have a crush, how lacking in anything your marriage is, and how bored and frustrated you feel....
The bottom line is you fancy another bloke.
That's all there is to it.
because if you felt sufficiently enamored of your husband, the thought of a crush would not even flit across your mind, in your dreams.

You fancy someone else.

So now, all you have to do, is ask yourself one question:

Do I want to stay faithful, or do I want to find a way of opening my legs for another man?

This is the one and only question you have to answer.

I know it's blunt, but really, this truly is all it comes down to.

March 3, 2009

I know how horrible this sounds already. Lets get one things straight though...I have never in my life cheated on anyone that I have been in a relationship with. I'm 25, been married to a wonderful man who I do love with all my heart for 4 years...we've been together 5., and our daughter is almost 2. All I do is go to school full time and take care of my daughter and house for now.

I never go out anymore. We never do things anymore just me and him. We both use to be big in the local music scene and hit up all the shows around town, and party...all that stuff. Of course all that changed after my daughter was born, and I'm okay with that. I guess my problem is sometimes I feel like I'm not entitled to do anything else other than what I already do daily, while he is still able to do things occasionally, All this I guess brings me to my real question.........I have found myself having a crush on one of my professors this semester. This has never happened before, and the more I think about it the worst it gets.

This is an innocent crush...he's said nothing or done nothing to provoke it. I just find him to be attractive. I think part of it is he is a younger professor. He can't be that much older than I am. I feel like this may stem off my "intimate" life at home. My husband and I are rarely intimate. He works nights and when he comes home I am sleeping and then I have to be up b/w 6 and 7 for our daughter. He works all the time. I guess we don't know how to make time for each other really, and then when we are intimate I find myself getting bored b/c at one point in my life I was into trying new things so to speak, and he is just so ordinary. When I ask him about spicing things up some he doesn't want change.

I don't want to be mean and be like "I'm bored." So I just don't know what to do. I have found myself thinking about my professor in an unprofessional way if you know what I mean. All though I love my husband I feel like something is lacking. Even though I believe in my heart that if I was put into a situation where I had the chance to be intimate with my professor that I would not do it. I love my family and don't want to jeopardize it. I just don't know if these feelings are normal. I keep fighting them off and they get worse. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

Enough people for there to be rules in place prohibiting such things being taken further between lecturers and students. It's commonplace; leaving aside the "married" and "bored" aspects, the teaching relationship in a university is very susceptible to developing intimate dimensions, by its nature.

I'd suggest that the best way to deal with it is to uncover it - admit it to your H, tell a classmate or even - preferably in the presence of a third party - the professor. Once it's out in the open, you'll effectively have killed off any chance of anything happening - though you might die of embarrassment in the process. Your professor will make sure he's never in any situation where anything could develop with you - his job would be at risk - and your classmates will monitor any indication of anything developing (and likely tease you about it) and your husband will be on high alert too. But, usually, once these things are named, you come to see how silly they are and laugh it off, too.

But more importantly, laying it open will create the space with your H to discuss the underlying issues of what you need that you're feeling is unmet, and you can explore ways to address that - as well as any needs he may feel are not being met, of his own.

March 3, 2009

I'm not a horrible person.

Marriages get a little stale once in a while. It happens in all marriages at some point. Its up to you and your husband to make sure that it doesn't have to be that way.

So if you are not a horrible person, then quit acting like a giddy schoolgirl and focus your energy on your husband. Ya I know you don't get to go anywhere, but welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood.

Make time to go do things, suggest a date night with your husband once a week...find a babysitter.

And DROP this silly crushing crap on your teacher.

Sign In

I'm a married woman that loves my family but has a crush on my profossor

Recommended Posts

cls_2002

Dexter Morgan

cls_2002

manugeorge

seibert253

Geishawhelk

Athena

darby1

fetish

Athena

fetish

Athena

fetish

Geishawhelk

fetish

Geishawhelk

OWoman

Dexter Morgan

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...