PrincessPeach Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I did what was best for me. I'm now in a very happy marriage with a wonderful man. I hope you are in a fulfilling relationship as well. If not, I hope it happens soon! I am, and I'm not trying to say your opinion is wrong (after all that's why they are opinions and there is no one right or best way to have relationships), but you totally avoided my question Why do you feel that you would never be willing to say it first? Or anyone else who has a rule for themselves never/always to be the first one to say it? Jus' curious is all.
missdependant Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 When did you say, "I love you" to your SO? What were the circumstances at the time?We had been together four months, were spending almost every day together at this point.. it was the fourth anniversary of his mother's passing. It also happened to be my daughter's fouth birthday who I put up for adoption the day she was born. We were both having a pretty emotional day.. spent it together and it felt like we had bonded more that day than any other. We were cuddling up in bed after spending a day hiking in the rocky mountains. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. It felt right... and we're still together a year later even with all the ups and downs.
Mahatma Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I won't say it until I know it is for sure. Too many people throw that word around in my opinion. If I feel like I want to say it, I will wait to see how I feel the next day, and the next. Do I still feel those feelings of love when I think of you and not just when I am in the moment with you or even when I am just with you? When you hear the words from me, it will be 100% and will be the love that doesn't dissolve because a more pretty girl came around.
Island Girl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Why do you feel that you would never be willing to say it first? If he says it - without prompting, without me saying it and then him just saying it back (possibly out of some weird obligatory feeling or something), without orchestrating it, etc. Then chances are he is speaking from what he feels. In my case the chances have always rolled in my favor on this. I suppose I should be thankful I have never dated a liar, a narcissist, or a sociopath, etc. I will never be one of those girls who puts that out there and then has her guy feeling uncomfortable or put on the spot in some way. And also in all honestly them loving me has never been the problem. Me loving them? That is a whole different ballgame.
Mahatma Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 If he says it - without prompting, without me saying it and then him just saying it back (possibly out of some weird obligatory feeling or something), without orchestrating it, etc. Then chances are he is speaking from what he feels. In my case the chances have always rolled in my favor on this. I suppose I should be thankful I have never dated a liar, a narcissist, or a sociopath, etc. I will never be one of those girls who puts that out there and then has her guy feeling uncomfortable or put on the spot in some way. And also in all honestly them loving me has never been the problem. Me loving them? That is a whole different ballgame. What if you get a guy who feels the exact opposite. He feels many women will just return it out of that "obligatory feeling." So he has decided not to say it until his woman does first. This has usually always rolled in his favor.
Island Girl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 What if you get a guy who feels the exact opposite. He feels many women will just return it out of that "obligatory feeling." So he has decided not to say it until his woman does first. This has usually always rolled in his favor. I never did so I really don't know. But that guy that you're describing doesn't sound like it fits the personality types I dated either. So perhaps that's why I never ran into that. In that situation, maybe we'd end up as another poster said here - still together when we're 85 looking back on a fantastic life together but having never said those 3 little words! Who knows but as previously posted, my husband did say it first. 'Nuff said.
Mahatma Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I never did so I really don't know. But that guy that you're describing doesn't sound like it fits the personality types I dated either. So perhaps that's why I never ran into that. In that situation, maybe we'd end up as another poster said here - still together when we're 85 looking back on a fantastic life together but having never said those 3 little words! Who knows but as previously posted, my husband did say it first. 'Nuff said. Was just a question. I always feel pressured if a woman says it first, even if I was thinking of saying it myself.
Island Girl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Was just a question. I always feel pressured if a woman says it first, even if I was thinking of saying it myself. Hence me not saying it first Mahatma.
Author burningashes Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Stop this. Do you kiss each other? Do you have sex with each other? Come on. Look him in the eyes after you kiss him and tell him you love him, if that's what you feel. If he's not on the same page, then that's how it is. Heck I do this with long-time friends. It's not like you're going to die. Do it tonight I'm seeing him maybe on Saturday, if not, monday night for sure! We kiss all the time and have sex just about every time we see each other, it's been really great. Okay, I'll suck all of my fears and go for it, I want to say it so badly that it isn't even funny, lol. Is it possible for the male to be the more emotional one than the woman in a relationship? I find him to be a lot more open and emotional than I am, and I'm definitely NOT used to that. He's quite a handful for me and I like it
Author burningashes Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 I won't say it until I know it is for sure. Too many people throw that word around in my opinion. If I feel like I want to say it, I will wait to see how I feel the next day, and the next. Do I still feel those feelings of love when I think of you and not just when I am in the moment with you or even when I am just with you? When you hear the words from me, it will be 100% and will be the love that doesn't dissolve because a more pretty girl came around. I'm of the same opinion that people throw it around. I told my bf that I don't use it lightly and when I finally say it, I would mean it. I find myself looking forward to seeing him again and when I do, I'm really happy and I want nothing more than to share that with him. Whenever I think about him, my heart sings. I KNOW that I am in love with him, and I am sure of it. I am sure that I love him with no doubt, I only need to get past my fears and open myself up to him. I've known him for nearly a year now and I've liked him from the beginning, even though I was in a relationship. The relationship went south and we started dating, it's been amazing and he's so special to me. I can't wait to see him again Sounds like whoever gets to have you would be a lucky lady
carhill Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Is it possible for the male to be the more emotional one than the woman in a relationship? Yes. Simply... I'm feeling it right now... What memories do you want to have when you die?
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 If it's not so scary to you then why do you have that rule and have never said it first? What makes it so that you can't ever say those words first? Why would anyone make it a rule never to say it first? That seems ridiculous to me. No one knows whether or not they are going to love someone, loving someone isn't something you plan on happening, it just does. I consciously hold back a certain degree of emotion until I decide it is a wise investment of my time and effort to express it. Until the man expresses his love for me, I keep it light and fun, as this is the best way to get to know someone and decide whether you want to invest yourself in loving him. Saying I love you makes you vulnerable and hands the power over to the other person. Unless there is emotional reciprocity, I am never going to let my feelings of affection for a man grow into love. I love fully and deeply, and I will only invest my love in someone who is really worth it. For me, saying I love you first is a form of chasing the man emotionally. It's asking to take the relationship to a more serious level. Whatever my desires may be, I have found time and again that it is always better to let the man initiate this sort of intensification in a relationship. That way, he doesn't feel commitment pressure, and it gives him the sense that he is in control. If we reach a certain point and he doesn't say I love you, I will naturally start to pull back and consider other options. I'm not going to waste my time with something that isn't moving along to a real commitment.
White Flower Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Yes. Simply... I'm feeling it right now... What memories do you want to have when you die? You should start a thread on this. I think about this all the time.
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