Lippy2 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Thought I would see the various opinions out there. Are you someone who needed a break and if so why ? Or were you the one who was told they needed a break? Feelings, opinions or thoughts?
BCCA Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 A 'break', 'time', or 'space' are things selfish people ask for when they know its over, but dont want to give up everything at once. If you were really in love with someone, and wanted them to be part of your life, you would never risk losing them forever to someone else just to get a break. Most of the parameters of these 'breaks' are also vague, in that it lasts for an unknown amount of time, there are no rules or restrictions, and as the dumpee, you can expect nothing in the way of reassurances. Almost everyone one of these breaks end in a seperation, and generally, you're only wasting your time if you stick around.
Author Lippy2 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 BCCA- Have you experienced this yourself? If so, in what capacity?
SYL Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I was told space was needed when 'he' did not want to deal with the pregnancy and resulting miscarriage of our child -- basically did not want to deal with it. It was a matter of weeks before he decided that he wanted nothing to do with me, no explanation and no resolve. I agree with BCAA -- it's selfish.
Truly Lost Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Usually "breaks" mean "break up". Its a weak way of telling someone its over and/or they want to keep their options open, while they try to find someone else. If someone needs time away from you, its never good. However, sometimes when you do spend time away, you may realize that you want the person back, because you miss them. When someone says, to you, they need a "break", its like they are taking out an insurance policy, in case they change their mind. It's f***ing selfish and has nothing to do with your feelings. Its all about theirs.
onestepin Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Its the line that confuses the hell out of you and makes you want to know wtf is going on. But to them it means breaking up and not feeling as bad. It just happened to me and the feeling is awesome. Send an email saying "If you seriously want to get back together your going to have to put an incredible amount of effort into it, you have my phone number. I may or may not answer, other than that I hope your happy." Other than that delete that persons phone number, myspace friend status (or facebook or what have you), IM contacts, any and all pictures on the PC or Phone, and break complete contact with that individual. Never call them and stay away from thier friends or places they hang out for at the very least 6 months. If it has happend to you dude I'd seriously just consider laughing histarically and know they are worthless and it's their loss not yours. Don't bother with them, seriously I know. You might think your situation is different but it's not. The only time I could see it is if you was attached to thier hip the whole time and it was a rebound relationship but the chances are still almost zero. They basically ripped your heart out and took a dump on it walking away laughing so you have to man up and throw it back in thier face. I'm not trying to be mean but that's just the way it is now adays, everyone places blame on someone else or they want to avoid feeling bad themselves no matter how it makes you feel. That applies to basically everything now adays not just relationships its a selfish world.
Author Lippy2 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I am very glad I posted this. It's very interesting to get different peoples opinions. Has anyone ever told anyone this and if so how did they feel and why did they do it. I think it is a very selfish thing. Although I have known people that have done this for good reason and things worked out in the end. It more had to do with life changing events and honestly they were all men. I am not saying women don't do it. I am saying that more often it's the men who do this. I hope I don't offend anyone. That's not what I am trying to do here.
Island Girl Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 A 'break', 'time', or 'space' are things selfish people ask for when they know its over, but dont want to give up everything at once. So true. There were times when I wanted a guy around as a back up but I still wanted to date a new interest. A break is the excuse I used. Accepting a "break" and remaining in contact or in any way linked with the person is a mistake. It should just be a break up and that's that.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I disagree. There are times when a break is NECESSARY. Not all breaks are initiated out of selfishness. Sometimes you need the time and space apart to gain some perspective. It all depends on the guidelines of the break i.e. are you agreeing to stay together but have a week or two apart? That's fine. Sometimes a break IS needed. It depends on the situation. One example I can think of is where a person is cheated on and takes two weeks to have space just to come to terms with what's happened before they can go on with the relationship.
Island Girl Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I disagree. There are times when a break is NECESSARY. Not all breaks are initiated out of selfishness. Sometimes you need the time and space apart to gain some perspective. It all depends on the guidelines of the break i.e. are you agreeing to stay together but have a week or two apart? That's fine. Sometimes a break IS needed. It depends on the situation. One example I can think of is where a person is cheated on and takes two weeks to have space just to come to terms with what's happened before they can go on with the relationship. If the two people involved are still together and still 100% in the relationship it isn't a break.
kittensmittens Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I'm dating a guy who can be really, really clingy. We live far apart and he has some insecurities left over from a bad relationship. He's cute, he's smart, he's funny, and he's incredibly sweet and caring and loving. But he's so damn clingy, I've already needed space from him twice now. I don't think it's always selfish. Honestly, I see the good in him, and I see that he doesn't want to be the way he is and I don't want to just give up on him, but I can only offer so much reassurance before it becomes too much. I start feeling smothered and turned off. And I have my own stuff to take care of so I can't be on the phone a million + times a day. So I end up NEEDING space. I NEED him to back off so I can take care of my things and give him a chance to get himself under control. And by "space" I mean: We're still together, no one is sleeping around.....it's just a chance to get some room to breath and focus on yourself. That's my take on it. "Breaks"....I'm not so sure about. I can see how meeting the right person at the wrong time (ie: right person, you're just not mentally prepared for a relationship yet) can cause some inner conflict, resulting in the need regain your independence, self sufficiency, etc. I can also see how it can be entirely selfish b/c my ex was always needing breaks. It was hell for me and a vacation for him.
cybersister Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I can see both sides here. And yes it depends on the relationship. My experience- on the break with my husband. 5 years ago... We had had some difficulties ( I am no saint- after 5 hyears of him being depressed I had had a fling ). He said he wanted 3 months to sort out his head. At that time thngs were cordial and he siad he understood he was taking a risk. 6 weeks in he said he did not rule out sleeping with someone else. I could not see that if he was thinking that way that he was using the 3 months to sort out where we had gone wrong so I too started dating. I quickly fell deeply for someone and told hubby the marriage was over . He went mad and accused me of being selfish- not being willing to wait etc. On the other hand am now in a very intense relationship where I need space- eg after 2 days together I need a few hours to find myself again. that relationship is now long distance and this works. I do not know if it would stand being physically closer full time but it works for us. But generally, I think if the wish for a break is longer thatn say a week, or is open ended then they are keeping their options open and do not want you.
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