12ape Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Had a long term relationship break up (4 years). I am now turning 19, and I don't know how to MOVE ON. Bottom line we were dating for 4 years happily, then all of a sudden she "changes" into someone completley different. Month ago, she commented that she wasn't very happy and wanted more spontanous and romance in the relationship, but that really isn't my character at all. So she literally "dumped" me because she wasn't "in love" with me anymore. But I was having suspicions that she wanted to have "move fun" outside of my company, but that was just my paranoid stage. But I got to the point that something wasn't right, she seemed a little distracted... So I looked on her Phone records online, and I see around 25 Txt/calls from one number in a short time space.. So My curious eye, I investigated and found out it was one of her "close MALE friends" who she seemed to have ALOT more in common than we do. Me being a complete IDIOT and had a row with her, and copy and paste the whole friggen record of these text messages and she said that they only have "Alot in common" and that "We talk all the time"... This "Talking" is MORE than she has ever really talked to me... I don't know what to do, I don't know where I stand... I know it's over now, she wants to STILL be friends because I have played a major role in her life and that she still "cares and wants" me in her life. But HOW can I go from #1 to 0 ???!??! This is majorly doing my head in, I love this girl so much... Just looking at her facebook, she looks like she is "getting out there" have SO MUCH FUN with other people than she did with me... It feels like she is wanting to erase me from the past... This really is heart breaking...
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Hugs, 12. It sounds like a situation that is crying out for absolute, strict, 100% 'no contact'. For YOUR own sake. That includes not looking at her facebook, not asking mutual friends about her, etc. That's fine FOR HER, to want to be friends with you (why wouldn't she?) but it doesn't seem to be doing YOU a lick of good...it seems to just be keeping you stuck, thinking about the past...what was and what "could have" been. Which means you're missing out on YOUR present, and not putting much into planning YOUR happy and successful future. It is a normal part of our personal growth development, that we start to "change" (mature emotionally) around 19. You guys started dating very young...when you didn't really have any concrete ideas about your individual values, beliefs, goals, needs, etc. She is in process of beginning to explore those things -- finding her own 'Self' and style. It's normal and fair enough. My suggestion, though, would be to ensure that you don't get left behind from your same-aged friends who are busy expanding their self-awareness, and getting a clearer sense of who they are, what they stand for, and what they want out of Life. A couple of free on-line resources that you may wish to check: For your relationship loss: http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm For your personal growth: http://eqi.org/eqe96_1.htm Best of luck.
Author 12ape Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Had a long term relationship break up (4 years). I am This really is heart breaking... Also, all these guys now know she is single are trying to be "friendly" with her again.. This is doing my head in..
Author 12ape Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Wow, that was a good reponse. Maybe that should be the correct way forward. It's WIN WIN for her and LOSE LOSE for me.. Why should I suffer?
Recommended Posts