separated, boyfriend, now 2 broken relationships, ex husband wants me back

[highlibidolady]

My love life is a shambles at the moment.

 

A year ago I separated from my husband and moved out about 3 months later (so 9 months been living apart). I had limited contact with him during this time and only sent him about 3 emails. I was trying my best to get over him and wait for the time till I could do the divorce.

 

Meanwhile, I was working on myself and reading a whole heap of selfhelp books and speaking to a counsellor and friends about my problems... both relationship and otherwise.

 

I happened to fall in love with a guy totally unexpectedly. I admit I was NOT looking during this time, I was not looking to date.. I was looking to 'heal' and the relationship was a shock to me. I wasn't interested in him in the slightest at the beginning but we became friends and then finally went out on an official 'date' and started a relationship.

 

We dated 4 months and only broke it off recently.

 

He was much younger than my ex husband but we got along so well in so many ways. Admittedly he was really great in the bedroom (even though he was a virgin!) and we had mind-blowing sex all the time. He was a bit overweight and I have never dated an overweight man before but that didn't even turn me off because I was SO into him.

 

so recently my ex husband has been calling me and wanting to reconciliate. Every time he has contacted me I have said 'no' I will not get back with him and will not change my mind. I have ignored many calls and emails too and gotten quite angry at some of those points a few months ago.

 

But now he seems to have this effect one me where I am starting to think he is a different person and he will change for the better etc. He is trying very hard and said he's spoken to several friends and a counsellor too about what to do about bringing us back together etc.

 

Every time I speak to him I feel like I want to get back with him but then when I get off the phone I don't. So I am constantly to-ing and fro-ing and sitting on the fence, even though I have told everyone I know I was going through with the divorce and my mind is made up.

 

So if I go through with getting back with him and we both try really hard to rekindle our love and get over our previous problems (after both going to counselling separately and together) I still wonder if it would work out? Also admittedly because of the way I felt about him in the past and how resentful and annoyed and frustrated and angry I felt about him I didn't feel like sex at all (and I actually have a high libido, as per my username). We would go for many many months without and I wouldn't even miss it one bit.

 

Then I think back to my recent (now ex) boyfriend and how amazing, and often, and great our sex was and how he seemed to know what he was doing and seemed to know my body better than I knew myself. I was so amazed.

 

and I wonder if I go back to my ex husband if I will start getting annoyed at our humdrum sex life (as well as other things if his previous bad habits/temper/personality etc starts creeping back).

 

I know that he loves me, maybe a bit too much.. almost like an addiction or obsession, I know that he cares for me much more than my exbf as he is trying so hard to work all of this out whereas exbf is happy for us to be separated (which I agree is for the best).

 

However my feelings for exbf are still so strong (only been 3 weeks since we broke up). We haven't seen each other since, spoke on the phone twice, and emailed about 5 times.

 

I know I shouldn't be involved with either of them at the moment but my mind is constantly thinking of them both and what to do. I am worried that a bad decision will affect the rest of my life...

 

I do love them both and they both hve such wonderful qualities that the other doesn't have, which makes it all the more frustrating as I'm constantly comparing them but then also wondering if there is a guy out ther who has both of their good qualities...

 

Agghh I'm so confused!

[EasyHeart]

My love life is a shambles at the moment.

I know I shouldn't be involved with either of them at the moment but my mind is constantly thinking of them both and what to do. I am worried that a bad decision will affect the rest of my life...

 

You have your answer right here. You need to stay away from both of them for a while until you are healed and thinking rationally. If either (or both) of them really care about you, they will be happy to wait.

[highlibidolady]

thanks...anyone else? what , if after waiting i decide i dont want to be with either of them, basically wasting all that time?

[RecordProducer]

You're not waiting at a bus stop. You're not wasting your time - you're living. I don't see that you so need to heal as if separation is some tragic accident. It hurts, sometimes more, sometimes less, but that doesn't mena that your life should stop and you should only read self-help boks and deal with your problems. You should also live normally.

 

I don't think you're in love with any of these men. I think you should give yourself as much time as you need to come up with a decision. It's not the kind of decision where you sit down, contemplate and figure out the right answer. Getting involved with someone should feel natural and thrilling. You should be 200% sure you want to be with someone and no one else.

 

But then again, I don't know your situation and options in life. You don't have ti rush.