iwillbebettersoon Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 We had been the poster children of relationships but we have been in a rough patch for a couple of months now. We've been together for two and a half years. We love each other but its not enough for her anymore. We've had our differences but they were never enough for me to leave her. We tried breaking up a month ago but it tore us up to pieces just talking about it and decided we were going to try again. Today, she said that we should just work on being friends. She wants me in her life, but can't see our future together as a couple. We're not in the same place and I still wish she'd come to her senses. She says I make her happy but happy isn't enough for her. We're going to try to be friends but I have to really work on accepting the fact that our love didn't come at the right time. I know she loves me which is why this is even more painful. I dont know what to do. Just doing my best to cope by being here and reading on other people in the same situation and on the wisdom of those who have gone through same. We've decided to talk still, to be there for each other as we deal with our loss. It's the sleeping that's difficult, the regular functions like breathing and waking up feel so difficult to do now. I know the pain will subside and I will survive this. It's just the NOW that's so hard to bear. Thanks for listening and letting me pour my heart out. And bless you for the concern and for any intention of making my heartache at least a bit more bearable.
Scorpio13c Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Hey iwillbebettersoon, I feel your pain! I don't think she's ever going to come around. I don't think she loves you anymore. I'm sorry. If I were you, I'd start thinking of all the bad things she said & done to you & repeat it in my mind, as to start to yourself on the "Angry First" healing period. Google " Breaking up Healing process" I wish you all my Best! Scorp
GodofNietzsche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Please use the search option and look for posts by a user name CaliGuy. He has the best advice. Also, look for anything by GeishaWhelk. They will show you the ultimate path. I was in your situation and eventually, after time, she lost feelings, moved on to other guys, and didn't feel the least bit of shame to slam it in my face. Do what's best for you, and don't confuse what you want (right now) for what's best for you.
nowhereman82 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 What you are doing is not being friends, it's serving your need to know they are still there and not gone. The vast majority of people do not stay friends after a breakup for a reason. Divorced couples with kids are forced to bear it and if lucky can actually be 'friendly' but that doesn't always work out either. I suggest looking inside yourself, being honest, and go no contact.
Author iwillbebettersoon Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Hey iwillbebettersoon, I'd start thinking of all the bad things she said & done to you & repeat it in my mind, as to start to yourself on the "Angry First" healing period. Google " Breaking up Healing process" Scorp Thank you Scorp. I just find it so hard to think about the bad things she's said and done to me since the fear of losing her is far greater. It doesnt help that we didn't break up over a fight. It really is just a loss. I found this online about surviving a break up. http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm I dont think I can face this head on yet. Im in a bad case of denial.
nowhereman82 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Your name says it all bro. **** sucks, just keep yourself busy with working out or screwing other women, lol, or do both at the same time!
Author iwillbebettersoon Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 What you are doing is not being friends, it's serving your need to know they are still there and not gone. ... I suggest looking inside yourself, being honest, and go no contact. I'm afraid that this could be true. We might just be trying to be friends out of habit and out of the unbearable pain in not being part of each other's lives anymore. Being honest to myself though, I know I will be totally devastated going no contact. I'm the kind that cannot compartmentalize. I wouldn't be able to work or do anything for a while.
Author iwillbebettersoon Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Thanks nowhereman, for the first post and this one. But keeping myself busy only makes it worse for me when I all of a sudden find some quiet time. Most especially before going to sleep. I dont want to resort to distraction because I feel like its just a temporary escape from reality. But I'm also finding it so difficult to face reality. I feel so trapped.
Author iwillbebettersoon Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Do what's best for you, and don't confuse what you want (right now) for what's best for you. Thanks GofN. I read up on CaliGuy's No Contact Q&A. GeishaWhelk also has some straightforward advice. What you said though, about not confusing about what I want right now for what's best for me, strikes me where it hurts because I'm not capable of doing this just yet. I know I shouldn't wait around for strength and enlightenment to come and that if anything, I should draw it from myself. I think what's best for me is to overcome my fear of loss and abandonment. And what I want right now is NOT to face it. I'm all for healing. It's the process that is so painful. The coping or lack of.
nowhereman82 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 It's actually good, when you think of them to force yourself to actually let the feeling or loss and what not come over you. Let what you body wants to do....do it. Worked for me a few times when I got tired of fighting it.
9Lives Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I have been where you are now and it is definately makes you feel like your being kicked in the face by a healthy race horse!!!! Your weak, your off and this is expected at first. Dont beat yourself up about it. It is normal. We have all felt this way if we have loved someone who wants to walk away. It is the hardest thing in the world...next to a child dying I think. Your just stuck... Before it is too late...take some time away from each other. Let her miss you. Time away does both of you good...it really does. She may need time to think and so do you. You can tell her I love you but I need time to think about this. Let that be it for now. And think. She will be thinking too If you are looking for a easy way out....there is really not right now. You have to face the reality. I have been thru this and it is going on right now in my life but I am now to the point where I see some things that I am not willing to put up with and I dont want to play with him anymore. I am stronger now. I lve him but I dont like the way he treats me. Thats the problem.
Scorpio13c Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Thank you Scorp. I just find it so hard to think about the bad things she's said and done to me since the fear of losing her is far greater. It doesnt help that we didn't break up over a fight. It really is just a loss. I found this online about surviving a break up. http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm I dont think I can face this head on yet. Im in a bad case of denial. I hear you Man, I know what it's like to be broken up without any malice. Do you remember she stated she just wanted to be friends? Your quote: "Today, she said that we should just work on being friends. She wants me in her life, but can't see our future together as a couple" That hurt me just reading that, i'm sure it hurt you too.. sorry Focus on that & embrace that, because that is where she says she is rejecting you as a Lover/Mate. As hard as it is, you need to mentally let her go. Trust me, eventually you'll feel better by doing so! Scorp
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