flippinyank Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 After 3 years of a transatlantic long distance relationship (I'm from California and he's from Northern Ireland), I decided to quit my job and move to Northern Ireland temporarily in order to test the waters of our relationship and see how we got along living together. I figured one of us had to do it, so I volunteered, I didn't have much to lose. We got along great and along the way I got engaged! His family have been so kind to me. I feel so lucky that I have a good relationship with my in-laws. He left it up to me decide whether we should live permanently in the UK or the USA. I've been weighing all the options and it seems that it would be easier for me to emigrate to the UK since I can easily find a job because I have marketable skills and a college degree. He on the other hand does not and would have a hard time finding a job if we move to the US. The caveat is that I can emigrate here but I've discovered more pros than cons in the quality of life. For one, the weather is dreary and there's not much to do compared to San Francisco, and it's not as diverse. So my question is...would you move to another country and sacrifice your comfort to move for the one you love?
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I would move if it felt like a desire instead of a "sacrifice". IME, sooner or later, I just grow resentful and bitter, when I'm in a situation in which I feel that I've done all, or the biggest share, of the giving, compromising and/or sacrificing. Perhaps the success of your relationship will depend on whether you have any conscious or subconscious 'quid pro quo' expectations?
lovestory5 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Hello dear! I can say that I would move, but before I would really think about the conditions of living. You are going to move there not for one day, but maybe for all your life and it is not good to live at the place where you don’t like. Try to find a compromise. If you do the things you don’t like you will have big problems with everything: with work, people surrounding you, friends, second half, health. Think it over 100 times. [/FONT][/sIZE]
Trojan John Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Yes, and I have done so in the past. We both have a desire and skills to work in different countries as well, changing every 5 years or so.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Done it twice its hard honestly far as immigration goes on its own your right you prob have more of a chance becoming a resident in Ireland then he dose in the USA. That place is locked up tighter then fort knocks unless you fit the EXACT guide lines and strict criteria then you have ZERO! chance. I'm sorry I'm not trying to be a downer but Ive been in your shoes and tried to immigrate the one I loved into the USA and it was impossible and we even had a child together they just don't care! So if I were you id start learning to adjust to Ireland and leaving your past behind it will be easer that way...
Magpies Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 So my question is...would you move to another country and sacrifice your comfort to move for the one you love? Yes! I'm doing just that in a few hours! I'm from Southern California (but currently in Asia for work). Instead of coming back home, I'm moving to Sweden in exactly 5 hrs and 40 mins (well that's when I'm out the door). No matter what, it'll be more "uncomfortable" to be without the one you love.
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Yes! ...I'm moving to Sweden in exactly 5 hrs and 40 mins How exciting for you (both)!!! Good luck...have a safe trip...and be happy and healthy in Sweden.
Island Girl Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I'm sorry I'm not trying to be a downer but Ive been in your shoes and tried to immigrate the one I loved into the USA and it was impossible and we even had a child together they just don't care! Please share your experience with this. I'd like to know the details because I am in the middle of dealing with US immigration right now. They have been terrible to deal with but our interview will be in the next 30 days and we are hopeful... They turned you down and you have a child together- ?? Perhaps you could PM me - or start a new thread -- I don't want to threadjack
aferg Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I did it! I am a Canadian and I moved to Seattle to be with my husband. Believe it or not, there were a lot of changes, that I didn't like at first. (Like I had to pay to go to the doctor! hahaha) but now I love it. But it took a good 2 years to really adapt. I still miss some things about home that will never be the same as living here, but it was worth it! And now I can't imagine going back, unless we get a divorce!
Author flippinyank Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 I did it! I am a Canadian and I moved to Seattle to be with my husband. Believe it or not, there were a lot of changes, that I didn't like at first. (Like I had to pay to go to the doctor! hahaha) but now I love it. But it took a good 2 years to really adapt. I still miss some things about home that will never be the same as living here, but it was worth it! And now I can't imagine going back, unless we get a divorce! I'm so glad it has worked out for you! But Seattle would be a walk in the park compared to Belfast - even though the IRA bombings and rioting has stopped 10 years ago, it is still a very segregated city which still has its problems and in some areas like where I live people are still narrow-minded. Coming from a muliticultural city like San Francisco, the bigotry is what really grates me about this place. Currently, I live in a hardcore Protestant neighborhood with FH. He's Protestant and I'm Catholic. Being surrounded by the sectarianism on an everyday basis is what makes me uncomfortable. Maybe if we moved to a more mixed area, it would be an ok place to live. I guess my views on this city are skewed by my current living situation. If I continue to live in this area for sure I will be very unhappy here, despite being with my FH.
Author flippinyank Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Hello dear! I can say that I would move, but before I would really think about the conditions of living. You are going to move there not for one day, but maybe for all your life and it is not good to live at the place where you don’t like. Try to find a compromise. If you do the things you don’t like you will have big problems with everything: with work, people surrounding you, friends, second half, health. Think it over 100 times. [/FONT][/sIZE] I agree with you. Even though it would be more financially viable to have us both establish a life in Northern Ireland. There are other factors to consider. This is something that we both really need to think over. Both of us would have to sit down and weigh out the pros and cons of both places. I don't want both of us to jump the gun and one of us feels resentful because we are unhappy.
KikiW Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Is there a possibility of you both moving to a different area of the UK? Perhaps you can find something that is closer to what you are looking for, but still gives him job opportunities...
Bearandsue Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I plan on doing that this year. Awaiting definite plans. But either way we will be living together for christmas.
EllieBean Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 San Francisco compared to Belfast? There really is no comparison - your fiance is crazy if he doesn't take the opportunity to get out of a place like Belfast and move to a place like SF! Belfast is cold and dreary as you said, and nowhere near as nice to live in as SF. If I were you I wouldn't even consider moving to Belfast if I had the opportunity to live somewhere like SF - moving there would be better for both of you I think, since it's just a better place to live, even if he has to be unemployed for a while to begin with.
bean1 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm not in an LDR (we live together) but we're moving to another province on the other side of the country (his home province) which has a different official language. I'm trying to learn French but I probably won't be able to work for a while!
rlindzie Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 yes, but i think maybe you should push him to get an educaton and then move back to the states! and in the mean while take a lot of trips back to san fran if you can:) good luck
Sandy3Sei Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 well...I would but only if I don't hav that many things that bind me here still... I crave to see my bf everyday but i hav school, work, family and life here and would've been hard to start all new besides me 20 yrs old already, will be hard to fit to new customs he also have his own life in his home country, sometimes i jst hope theres a teleporter exsits...
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 After 3 years of a transatlantic long distance relationship (I'm from California and he's from Northern Ireland), I decided to quit my job and move to Northern Ireland temporarily in order to test the waters of our relationship and see how we got along living together. I figured one of us had to do it, so I volunteered, I didn't have much to lose. We got along great and along the way I got engaged! His family have been so kind to me. I feel so lucky that I have a good relationship with my in-laws. He left it up to me decide whether we should live permanently in the UK or the USA. I've been weighing all the options and it seems that it would be easier for me to emigrate to the UK since I can easily find a job because I have marketable skills and a college degree. He on the other hand does not and would have a hard time finding a job if we move to the US. The caveat is that I can emigrate here but I've discovered more pros than cons in the quality of life. For one, the weather is dreary and there's not much to do compared to San Francisco, and it's not as diverse. So my question is...would you move to another country and sacrifice your comfort to move for the one you love? Yes, but everything had better be pretty darn perfect for me to contemplate it. And I would never move to a sh*thole, I'd rather financially support someone and move them to my place of choice, than do that.
mental_traveller Posted March 31, 2009 Posted March 31, 2009 I'm so glad it has worked out for you! But Seattle would be a walk in the park compared to Belfast - even though the IRA bombings and rioting has stopped 10 years ago, it is still a very segregated city which still has its problems and in some areas like where I live people are still narrow-minded. Coming from a muliticultural city like San Francisco, the bigotry is what really grates me about this place. Currently, I live in a hardcore Protestant neighborhood with FH. He's Protestant and I'm Catholic. Being surrounded by the sectarianism on an everyday basis is what makes me uncomfortable. Maybe if we moved to a more mixed area, it would be an ok place to live. I guess my views on this city are skewed by my current living situation. If I continue to live in this area for sure I will be very unhappy here, despite being with my FH. In your shoes I wouldn't move there in a million years. IMO you should consider going to Dublin, London, or one of the main UK cities. Employment will be easier and no one cares if you're Catholic or Protestant. London is also more culturally diverse than San Francisco. If you can get Northern Ireland residency you can get UK or Irish residency. That would be my advice, and I know people from NI and have visited.
laur2288 Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 would you move to another country and sacrifice your comfort to move for the one you love? Got to tell you, I have racked my brain over this same question for the past 3 months. I am planning to move to England for a man. I love him and I know he is someone I want to spend my life with but am I going to resent him later on in life.? Can I live with missing out on the life of my family and friends back home? Can I live with them not being around for major events in my life? Can I deal with sacrificing everyone I love so dearly in my life(Parents, grandparents, friends, etc.) for this one person? As of now I am going. I love him and if I don't move to be with him Ill wonder for the rest of my life. But I plan to tread slowly, make sure I can cope with being away from all the other people that mean so much to me.
cocoacat609 Posted April 8, 2009 Posted April 8, 2009 It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who is a little scared at the prospect of leaving everything behind to be with the one you love. Both my fiance would have to move to another country to be together, unless he were to move to the U.S (which due to immigration seems like an insumountable task). I worry about getting a job, meeting his large extended family, not being fluent in the language.......
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2009 Posted April 9, 2009 So my question is...would you move to another country and sacrifice your comfort to move for the one you love?It doesn't sound like you've sacrificed any comfort. What is comfort, after all? Things to do and a lovely weather? I'd rather walk in the rain to the local pub and drink cheep beer with someone I love and with whom I am having a great time, then feel lonely in SF. However, I don't know the living standard and mentality in Northern Ireland. Perhaps it's more than a dreary weather and lack of places to go that bothers you about his town. You might end up miserable there. The question is: how much fun are you having with him? Also, there's no guarantee that things will stay great if they are great now. If I were you, I would stay for another year or two (without having kids, if you plan on having any - unless your bio clock is ticking really fast at this point). You need to see who he is when the honeymoon is over. You also have the alternative of moving back to the US together. Not having a college degree is not necessarily an obstacle. If he isn't skilled at all, he can always acquire new skills or even get a degree. It depends on how ambitious, intelligent, and hard-working he is. How old are you two?
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