Jay34 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 we broke up months ago now, lately i have been just doing my own thing, getting out there, even went out on a few dates... my ex is in another relationship. we talked about a week ago, she keeps staying in contact, even after i told her i couldn't be friends with her, because of course it wouldn't be enough, she said she still has feelings for me and loves me more than anyone and this guy doesn't compare to me, she just didn't want to be alone and can't forget me. she messages often, and for the first time started calling me a few times, i don't know where to go from here, i still love this girl but i have no interest in hearing about any new guy or anything like that. i feel bad ignoring her and kind of awkward because we had a deep conversation the first since the breakup, she said she loved me, in a way i would like to keep it open to seeing each other again, because we have a distance between us, we can't really have a real relationship at this moment to be honest. eventually we might be able to. i just am having a hard time wondering where to go from here. i figure the best thing is to maybe give her a call back see what she wants and if she is still with the guy just stop communicating 100%, for some reason it doesn't bother me that she is with someone else, what bothers me is i don't feel comfortable with her talking to me like im her bf but not being one. i don't know i can't explain it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Yeah I've been there myself. Why did you guys break up?
Author Jay34 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 she had been taking me for granted somewhat, since we were long distance she was going out, we were talking less, she wasn't really there for me anymore, i believe a lot of it was the distance, but she did still take me for granted. she was also doing things that hurt me, but in the end distance really ended it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Then it might be best if you keep moving forward without each other. I dont understand why is she contacting you if you are over. do you still have feelings for her, like that?
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I think you really have to accept that actions speak louder than words... Never accept her sentiments of love and talk of the future while she is dating another man. It's not fair to you. If she is truly regretting the break up and wants to take a serious look at getting back together, she should be cutting the other guy loose before turning back to you. She may be the one calling and reaching out all the time... but you aren't obligated to answer. As long as there is another guy in the picture- she's being totally unfair to you by dangling the "maybe someday" carrot in front of your face. Be good to yourself and don't accept that crap. What are you supposed to do in the meantime while she is involved in a relationship with someone else??? Wait for her? How unfair of her to do this. You say you don't want to be harsh by ignoring her- but it sounds like that is exactly what she deserves.
Author Jay34 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 D-Lish I agree 100%, one thing is though its pretty unlikely we could ever do a long distance thing again, and with paying for school and schedules it would be hard to see each other, of course i know it is far from impossible, but if it was the time wouldn't come until summer at the earliest, that's the only time we would be able to really rekindle a relationship i think, i mean we could rekindle things over the phone, but i mean right now we are separated by a great distance.. all of that aside i still wouldn't be sure i'd give her a chance, but i would certainly listen to her.. you are right about the calls as well, i guess just because we talked and feelings came out that it feels weird to ignore her. i guess the thing that kills me is even though im moving on, i love her, more than i have ever loved any other girl.. and i have met plenty, so that's kind of why i hate to let it go forever.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Come on jay cheer up! Things get better. if your not together it doesnt mean it's the end of the world.
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 D-Lish I agree 100%, one thing is though its pretty unlikely we could ever do a long distance thing again, and with paying for school and schedules it would be hard to see each other, of course i know it is far from impossible, but if it was the time wouldn't come until summer at the earliest, that's the only time we would be able to really rekindle a relationship i think, i mean we could rekindle things over the phone, but i mean right now we are separated by a great distance.. all of that aside i still wouldn't be sure i'd give her a chance, but i would certainly listen to her.. you are right about the calls as well, i guess just because we talked and feelings came out that it feels weird to ignore her. Of course it will feel weird to ignore her since there is an obvious connection still present. But there is also another guy present... which for me would also feel weird to have to deal with. I guess you have some decisions to make. What will you do, put your life on hold until the summer? Perhaps miss an opportunity with someone else? I think it's good that you said you are unsure if you'd give her another chance. I guess my concern for you is that if you continue to stay in touch- you'll continue to remain in a limbo fog. The possibility of a reconciliation is looming over your heads... but what are you going to do in the meantime? I'd lay it on the line with her that while she is with someone else, she has no right to discuss her feelings for you. Those kind of things are going to keep you stagnate. I have an ex that I am still fond of, and him of me. He lives a 4 hour plane ride away. He often calls and texts that he misses me and wishes things could be different... BUT- he has a girlfriend, and I refuse to engage him in those types of conversations. It's painful to hear him tell me he misses me when I know he is living with, not to mention sleeping with a new woman. If I let him engage me in these conversations- I'd still be attached to him. That's why I tell him to stop everytime he starts up. I think you're in a tough predicament- a lot of it has to do with circumstances that you can't change. If you still love her, and she is dangling the "maybe someday" speech in front of you- how can you possibly move forward? I know it's a dilemma. I would love to suggest that you leave things be and disconnect for a while... I just think it's something you have to do for the time being if you're ever going to move on. In a situation like this when the ex is living so far away and in a relationship with another person.... I can't see how remaining entangled offers you anything positive. I just don't want to see you waiting, putting things on hold until the summer. You have to treat this as a break up- if your paths cross again one day and things work out- cool. But since there are no guarantees, I'd start limiting contact so you can heal from this. It's very hard to do- but it's rewarding. Every phone call, discussion of how you guys miss each other, will set you back. I know this because I have been there. At the very least it might be good to set some boundaries about what is okay to talk about and what is not okay to talk about. In my opinion, discussing how she misses you isn't okay at all when she's with someone else. I feel for you though, I have been there a few times- both situations had to do with distance...and both broke down because of that distance. But you can't do anything about it now- so life has to go on. If these phone calls keep setting you back, it's probably best to stop engaging her until something changes.
Author Jay34 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 apparently she dumped him..... she just sent me a message that she needs me....
Author Jay34 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 i talked to her and she was really depressed, apparently she dumped him, i was nice to her and she started to cry, she said how she wished i lived there and that she really misses me, we talked for nearly 2 hours, i probably said a little too much, the bottom line its like she wants me back but it is impossible, but i know if she wanted me so bad she would be arranging someway to get to see me, she always was b4, i realize it is different now because we haven't talked but i figure if she wanted me i would know, and from our chat i think she just wants to know that she could have me someday, but now that she is single i guess i was just the first one to turn too, she needed me alright, for a talk to make her feel better... i don't think i am so crazy to think that if she wanted me she would be with me or she would at least be saying i want to see you this summer to try or anything like that, all i got was a vibe that she didn't know, maybe we shouldn't have got into all this crap, but i wanted to know.
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I dunno Jay... is it cool to help an ex gf through a current break up? Where do you think you are now... In terms of what you want to have happen, how you feel.... what the future holds. You gonna wait?
Author Jay34 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 no i can't wait, i think my best plan is to cut all contact once and for all..... and just try to move on the best i can, because i felt like crap hearing about some other guy, i realize there is no way to make it work right now so i am going to move on, if she tells me she wants to see me 2-3 months from now then i will consider it if i still have feelings for her, but for now its really not helping me one bit..... to have her saying she loves me, misses me, but knowing i can't be with her because to be honest she lives at home, i live on my own but her parents are controlling she has no money, and is in school and working, the summer would be our first time to really reconnect and it ain't happening, so to keep hope is fooling myself. its weird how after you were long distance and it fails it feels impossible to ever do long distance again.... meanwhile we did it for so long.
tresz08 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I've never been in that situation.but for me everybody deserves a second chance right?deciding in this kind of situation is likely though and difficult..but giving a second chances is based on the situation not merely on your emotion..
Author Jay34 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 she doesn't want a 2nd chance though, she wants some fantasy that in the future when we can be we will be together, but so she can still date people there and have me as the backburner..... i mean now that she has no bf she has an opportunity but it is the same old crap. im giving her nothing, i have made my mind up, she shouldn't get me when she doesn't deserve me. i'm not hear to be her 2nd option, when someone else would make me a priority
Author Jay34 Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 again she called again, and this time it was a different person, she seemed like she didn't even want to talk to me, she had been out the night before drinking and she never drinks..... she told me she drank to the point she can't remember driving home... i got worried i still care about her, i made small talk for awhile and she just didn't seem like she wanted to talk, it was weird after acting so warm to me the past week or so it was like i was nobody.... i just answered because she told me she had been depressed to the point of thinking of doing something stupid...... all this over someone she said meant nothing to her...... and they had no connection, seems very very strange, am i just being strung along here....., just 2 days ago i heard that she wanted me more than anything today it was like i was crap..... psycho woman!....
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