Katherineos123 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Ive been dating this guy, long distance, for about 4 months. Well, the other night was my birthday, and I had too much to drink and kissed another guy. I feel absolutely TERRIBLE about this! It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, I have never EVER done anything like this before, and to be honest, Im not even sure exactly how it happened. I cried the entire rest of the night over it. Fast forward to the next day, my bf comes to visit, and I tell him what happened. At first, he's devastated. He tells me he cant believe it, but he had a hunch something happened that night, he could just feel it, and that he really thought I was "the one" I explain to him that I feel like the lowest lowlife ever, and that Im not going to try and make any excuses, just try and gain his trust back. And that I will never see this guy again. So, we end up staying together, and he stays with me for the night, and leaves the next day. The following day, I call him, and I break down crying. I tell him that this guilt is eating me up inside and that I feel so terrible for doing this to him. He tells me that everything is ok, and that "if we can get through this, we can get through anything" He calms me down and we hang up. The next morning, I go to the gym before work, and I text him goodmorning afterwards, and I ask him to call me when he gets a chance. He doesnt bet back to me until much later and merely sends a text message that says "Good morning, sorry, my phone was charging" But no call. And no call the next day. Or the next day. So, finally tonihgt I call him and say "Hey, its me. I havent talked to you in a few days, and Im not exactly sure whats going on. If you needed space, I wish you just told me. But Id like to talk to you, so will you please call me back?" The he DOES call me back, but I was eating dinner and I missed it! So I call him ten minutes later, and he hit the F**K you button and ignored me. He hasnt call me back yet. WHat is going on? Is he dumping me? Am I overreacting? If he needed some time, shouldnt I be informed of that? What should I do? I miss him so much.... My heart is breaking.
AGBourne Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 It is over long ago. Stop holding on, get a clue and get a new life. I really don't get why people hold on to relationships past the point of failure. Move on. Live a life.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 It is over long ago. Stop holding on, get a clue and get a new life. I really don't get why people hold on to relationships past the point of failure. Move on. Live a life. Harsh. You see, but we werent past the point of failure. I f'd up big time. But he said he forgave me. My only gripe is the fact that he shouldnt have said he forgave me, if he really couldnt FORGIVE me. Our relationship was so great until that night, and I ruined it, and Ive never felt worse about anything Ive done.... ever. And he knows that. Its eating me alive. Hasnt anyone out there gotten over a SO's betrayal? I mean, a kiss is just a kiss afterall....
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I mean, a kiss is just a kiss afterall.... Then why bother making such a big deal out of it... crying all night? Telling him all about your betrayal as soon as you saw him? Seems like an awful lot of drama. I would have kept it to myself if it didn't mean anything. The bottom line is that not only did you steal a kiss with a stranger- but YOU TOLD HIM about it - so expect consequences. Will he get over it? Maybe, but I bet he is hurting a whole lot and rethinking whether or not he wants to be in the relationship. I'd break up with a dude if he told me the same thing. There are some instances where things are better left unsaid. Many will disagree with this, but I don't care. You were hammered, it was meaningless, you felt horribly guilty about it... and when you decided to tell him- you made him feel horrible too. I suspect he is distancing himself because he is considering whether or not he can deal with this.
Javelin Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Why are there always excuses when people make a mistake? I hate to say it Kat, but AGBourne is right.. You've failed at this one. Regardless of the alcohol, you kissed another guy because YOU wanted to. Your boyfriend probably did not break up with you because he was selflessly protecting your feelings. (How thoughtful of him!) (*Fast Forward*) A few days away and now he has had time to assess the situation! His actions show 1 of 2 things: 1) He's probably realized that now is the time to bail out of the relationship. or 2) He's confused and he's just trying to clear his head, because you did slam a brick into the side of it. Either way, just have to give him time and eventually you'll get an answer. Just keep in mind that some people can get over mistakes, such as a kiss, while others can not. Even though you and I reside in the same city, I cannot conclude with what his answer might be. You'll just have to wait and find out when he's ready to tell you. Then why bother making such a big deal out of it... crying all night? Telling him all about your betrayal as soon as you saw him? Seems like an awful lot of drama. I would have kept it to myself if it didn't mean anything. The bottom line is that not only did you steal a kiss with a stranger- but YOU TOLD HIM about it - so expect consequences. Will he get over it? Maybe, but I bet he is hurting a whole lot and rethinking whether or not he wants to be in the relationship. I'd break up with a dude if he told me the same thing. There are some instances where things are better left unsaid. Many will disagree with this, but I don't care. You were hammered, it was meaningless, you felt horribly guilty about it... and when you decided to tell him- you made him feel horrible too. I suspect he is distancing himself because he is considering whether or not he can deal with this. I would take this statement with a grain of salt... D-Lish makes some good points, but often times, those points head to the left. You follow this path and you'll eventually head down a road of lies & deceit just to cover your own ass. That's not the way to build a healthy relationship at all, especially by withholding information from your S.O, just because YOU deem it classified, as it'll potentially damage the relationship. But, hey, who am I to judge?
voldigicam Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 A kiss is just a kiss. Your reaction is a bit overboard. His much more so. Must be some underlying problems. I'm pretty much cool with letting other people be other people. My first wife slipped a few times. I noticed at a party once quietly in the back bedroom my ex exchanging kisses above and below the belt with a nice young lady I didn't know. Left them alone. She asked me the next day if I noticed and said she was a little embarassed. It was OK, didn't affect our relationship. I know she banged a couple of guys when I was on international travel. We sort of had a don't ask / don't tell relationship. That worked for years and years. Then there was the day I recovered consciousness and she was waiting for me to finish bleeding out. That was the time she developed feelings for someone else, but didn't handle it well. I sort of looked at it as competition keeping our relationship sharp for all those years. I still do look at it that way. My current SO gets caught up in things mainly that distract her so thoroughly I get neglected. Currently it's facebook and sleep (she's recovering from an injury). These things I just ride out. I'll continue to love her, pamper her, take care of her, be there. I suppose it's a variation on "set her free, if she returns, she loves me." I can't seem to be jealous. If she wanted to try another guy, who am I to stifle her? Only breeds resentment. Probably an odd viewpoint. I just see resentment as leading to a trapped feeling. I want someone to be with me because they want to be with me, not because obligations bind us together whether we want it or not. Yeah, he's dumping you. Go find another. One of the reasons women tend to look for older men. Who know the drill better.
imagine Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Hey K, Your names spelling is exactly the same as my sister. This is my thinking: You got drunk - despite that you were happy to go your own way and have your affections met. How can I trust a lady like you who loves me to react like that. You got drunk - where was I. I would think that you are a very risky lady to take with me into life.
Author Katherineos123 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 hey everyone. sorry for the delay. i was without a computer for a little while. i really appreciate the responses very much. as far as everything goes. he did call me, a few days later. and although he id very upset, he is willing to give it another try. he says that he is too crazy about me to just give up that easily so even though I screwed up big time... i must be doing SOMETHING right! when all is said and done, he admitted that a drunken kiss is just a drunken kiss. and that i am doing enough beating up of myself to make up for the two of us. even though some of you suggested that i shouldnt have told him, i certainly think i made the right choice. not only because i feel as though telling him was the right thing to do out of respect for him, but also in order to salvage what remains i had of our trust. the confession was also the only way in which i could truly move on, and reflect on what exactly it was that i was looking for in that moment that i didnt feel i was getting from him, and also whether or not this was my sunconcious telling me that i wasnt ready to be with him. so yeah, it may have hurt him, and it will take a while for him to fully trust me again... but it was a necessary evil.
carhill Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 You over-reacted to the situation, causing a cascade effect within him... Go NC for a couple weeks.... I say this because, if you come back together before you both have processed the situation, it could rubber band again.
boldjack Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 What you did was a truly awful thing to do to someone you (supposedly) love. It's not, "end of the world" awful, but pretty bad. If you truly love this guy, then you should NEVER, EVER, give him reason to distrust you again. NO flirting and absolutely NO,NO,NO, contact with the guy you kissed, EVER. You have a chance to save your relationship, by being truthful. Had you lied, or had he found out from another source, you would be finished. Whatever other posters say, honesty is not only the best policy, it is the ONLY policy.
Javelin Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 hey everyone. sorry for the delay. i was without a computer for a little while. i really appreciate the responses very much. as far as everything goes. he did call me, a few days later. and although he id very upset, he is willing to give it another try. he says that he is too crazy about me to just give up that easily so even though I screwed up big time... i must be doing SOMETHING right! when all is said and done, he admitted that a drunken kiss is just a drunken kiss. and that i am doing enough beating up of myself to make up for the two of us. even though some of you suggested that i shouldnt have told him, i certainly think i made the right choice. not only because i feel as though telling him was the right thing to do out of respect for him, but also in order to salvage what remains i had of our trust. the confession was also the only way in which i could truly move on, and reflect on what exactly it was that i was looking for in that moment that i didnt feel i was getting from him, and also whether or not this was my sunconcious telling me that i wasnt ready to be with him. so yeah, it may have hurt him, and it will take a while for him to fully trust me again... but it was a necessary evil. I hope that you have truly learned from this experience.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Ive been dating this guy, long distance, for about 4 months. Well, the other night was my birthday, and I had too much to drink and kissed another guy. And your bf wasn't around because.....? But no call. And no call the next day. Or the next day. So, finally tonihgt I call him and say "Hey, its me. I havent talked to you in a few days, and Im not exactly sure whats going on. If you needed space, I wish you just told me. But Id like to talk to you, so will you please call me back?" The he DOES call me back, but I was eating dinner and I missed it! So I call him ten minutes later, and he hit the F**K you button and ignored me. He hasnt call me back yet. WHat is going on? Is he dumping me? Am I overreacting? If he needed some time, shouldnt I be informed of that? What should I do? I miss him so much.... My heart is breaking. If he needed time should you be informed of that? Not really. he doesn't owe you that courtesy if you kissed another guy. For him to hold his own head high he should tell you straight up like a man what he is going to do. But he doesn't owe it to you. i'd say it sounds like he is either 1) punishing you and making you sweat a little bit, or 2) breaking up with you. 1 sounds kind of childish, but I can understand if he is hurt. 2 is what I would have done. But after reading your update, he was probably just plain pissed off and was punishing you in a way, or just damn ticked and didn't want to talk to you right then.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 when all is said and done, he admitted that a drunken kiss is just a drunken kiss. So that means he'll put up with it if it happens again? Because afterall a drunken kiss is just a drunken kiss??? even though some of you suggested that i shouldnt have told him, i certainly think i made the right choice. yes, you did...as someone that found out years later of cheating, i can say telling is the absolute right thing to do. Otherwise you rob him of the right to make decisions about his life, and if it went on and he found out later, he would have felt that you wasted alot of his time. so yeah, it may have hurt him, and it will take a while for him to fully trust me again... So does this mean drinking and partying are out now? Because if someone I was seeing kissed another guy because she was out partying, then the next time she went partying, I wouldn't be so hot on the idea. then again, I don't date partiers.
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