rluv Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 My ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago, basically because he wasn't sure if he could commit himself emotionally to me (along with commitments of a different variety) the way I of course had to him, as I loved him. He thought it maybe wasn't very hard for me to wait indefinitely for him while he got "in touch" with himself, as he pulled further and further away from me. I told him I wasn't going to just wait on him indefinitely, I felt indignant and taken for granted. So I went out on a few dates. But I told him I wanted to try again, but with a new and healthy perspective for us. Unfortunately, my guilty conscience got the better of me, and I told him about one of my dates. Things got too rocky and he broke it off for good. Cut to the present time, a few weeks later, and I have something of his I need to return. I meet him at his house, and we have such a nice visit, he asks me out for lunch. I am confused. I ask him, didn't we just "catch up?" Well, he says, a lot can happen within a week. I tell him, o.k, but only if I can cook you dinner sometime. We agree, and I call him the next day to agree on a day for lunch and/or dinner, and he says right away, you'll have to let me know about lunch. That's WHY I was calling - I let it go. I called back later, and just asked him about dinner, on Thursday, which was supposed to be tonight. Well, now it's become all too-familiar. Every time he contacts me, he e-mails me. He used to call me like, 3 times a day. I guess he wants to keep it impersonal. He e-mailed me this morning to say that he couldn't do dinner tonight, how about one night next week? I e-mailed him back saying tonight couldn't work for me either, as I was taking my car into the shop, and I was pretty busy next week. But....maybe I would send him an e-mail!!! Why is he hot and cold? Asking me out to lunch one minute, and just keeping it to e-mails and never calling me? I am keeping all of my options open. Thanx for your thoughts.
socialight Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 let me get this straight. He "can't commit", and then gets pissy when you go on another date? NEXT
LovieDove24 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Non-commital all the way. I'm sorry hunny but you're just gonna have to let this one go. At best, you have to STOP responding to his emails and only respond if there's a phone call involved. Absolutely STOP responding to his emails. Now. And do NOT be the one to make any more plans or initiate any more phone calls. He dumped you, he was playing games with you, he needed time for himself. So HE needs to initiate, call, and put in some damn effort. Without it, you can assume you're still single.
AGBourne Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Its over. Let it go. He wants a booty call from you. Sure he still has feelings, but it will never amount to anything else anymore. I just don't get why people hold to the can of coke in the soda machine and wonder why their hand is stuck.
ruggy Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Sounds like my ex in reverse. Just she was a whack job. If you live in New York City, maybe we can introduce each of them to each other. They can whack each other off. LOL
Illiandra Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 he cant do something this week but lets try next week..OMG why do guys have to play games like this, let him go, you deserve SOMEONE WHO will make time for YOU!!!
LoveLace Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 That's hard. Sounds like he isn't sure what he wants, but since you do know what you want, he's obviously not matching up to it. Part of you is still waiting for the thing he already said he isn't ready for. Telling him about the date might have hurt him a little, but I'd doubt that will prompt him to commit more. I'd say make yourself hard to reach next week, don't answer emails and don't pick up the 1st call; return the call and say you've been busy. However most would say not to even do that much and just cut him completely off, but I realize that's easier said than done.
fishtaco Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 let me get this straight. He "can't commit", and then gets pissy when you go on another date? NEXT This. Right to the point.
Author rluv Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 He actually said anytime next week except Wednesday, and even Friday would be o.k., just let him know. I mentioned that I was getting my car worked on, and he offered to take me anywhere I needed to go while it was in the shop. I thought that was nice. I'm not sure why he would offer that - he's not calling in the meantime, its nice and all, it's mixed messages.
LoveLace Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 He may just feel guilty because he can't be all that you want him to be, so he doesn't want you to think he's a bad guy. I think he cares a lot about you as a person and might even want you back but maybe he's keeping distance because he still isn't ready to commit. That's why he was distanced before, it seems. Being just friends is clearly confusing and plays with your emotions; this seems like the type of sitch when people break up, they really need to just break up; as in no communication what so ever. Since he's all about doing nice things for you or whatever, I don't think it would be out of line to ask what he's been thinking about when it comes to you. His answer should tell you if anything's really changed. And if not, I personally wouldn't have the patience to be in that friendship because all it would do is break my heart. Maybe if he knew how it feels to truly lose you, then it would bring him back in full swing but that's not something that's healthy to rely on. Either way if he doesn't step it up and be clear on what he wants right now, your here in the mean time going crazy about it. Surely you can only handle that for so long...at the same time he still has you in his life in the exact way he likes it; but you don't feel the same so that doens't seem fair.
Author rluv Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 This is an excellent insight, LoveLace - thank you.
LoveLace Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 This is an excellent insight, LoveLace - thank you. I'm glad you think so...LS is infamous for just trying to make people see that they only deserve what they want and nothing less; because obviously less is not a fulfilling place for you to be in. good luck keep us posted.
EYECANDY000 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 No, one wants to hear that their significant other is going on a date even though you two are broken up. Im sure he still have feelings for you, just not ready to fully commit. But , It seems like he threw out a dinner or lunch date in the spur of the moment. and when he thought about it he backed out. Seems like he thought about how you two would be easing back into a relationship that hes just not ready for. I would give him his space, and then some..
darby1 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 because he is keeping his options way open. He's keeping you around at a safe distance for when there is no one else around for him. Your close enough to be there when he needs you, far enough that you won't get in the way of new meat.
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