WonderGurl Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 My ex and I were in an amazing relationship for 6 months. By about the 4th month we said 'I love you' to each other and it meant a lot to me bc he said he had only said 'I love you' to one other girl and that was his ex 6 years ago. Well, besides everything being wonderful, twice I asked for time apart/ space to concentrate on work bc I had a lot on my plate and knew I was going to be a stress-case (yeah bad, I know) but told him to please not take it as I didn't want to be with him. Afterall, I really did/do love him. Well long story short, the second time I asked for space (according to his friends he took it hard... as though I didn't want to be with him) broke up with me and asked that we don't have contact. I cried, but said I would respect his wishes. Hoping that as soon as my work cooled down (which I told him would only be 2 months) we could start where we left off. Well 3 weeks later I find out from friends (bc we have a lot of the same friends which sucks) that he is in another relationship! Not a fling... or just dating... but serious with a girl. My heart was broken. It's been 2 months now he has been with that girl and I haven't made any attempts to interfere (no contact), but it's killing me. I miss him and miss us. I'm doing my best to move on... going out, being social, even dating... but when it comes down to it, I want him back. What should I do?
Peter_pan Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 seems like you didnt explain to him clear enough why you wanted the space.. fair enough you said it was because of work, but maybe he didnt beleive it? also you should want him to help you through the stressful times, you cant just run away from him everytime something stressful comes up. all you can do now is leave him alone i guess. and if he really loves you he will come back. 2 months is a while though and so if he hasnt made anyform of wanting to reconcile then im afraid to say sounds like he wont come back. and i dont want you hanging around for him, your constantly feel like crap so why not make contact and explain your self. (he might just be with her for the sex and isnt even that into her) then you know you have said what you want to say, if it works in your favor then good, if it dont then your have to let him go.
UCLAMike Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I'm sorry but this doesn't make sense to me. So you were busy with work but why did you have to tell him you needed to take a break from the relationship? Was your relationship some kind of a project? It's a journey two people take together and support each other in. There's no such thing as "temporary break up" in a relationship. You don't do that with people you love. I honestly ask you to ask yourself when you asked for space what you really meant. You may have overlooked your own reasons or forgot.
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I worked in high pressure jobs where I worked 7 days a week- even ran my own business for 3 years which monopolized my time. I dated people during that time and when they were important to me, I made time for them. I think that no matter how busy you are, that you'll make time for someone that really matters. I suspect that he interpreted you asking for space as a break up- I know I would see it that way and quickly move on. If he's with someone else- I am not sure that this is a relationship you can salvage. Your two requests for space probably hurt him- after the second time, I am sure he just lost trust and faith that the relationship was worth maintaining. Asking for space was most likely interpreted as rejection- if it happened twice... he may have just made up his mind that sticking it out was too much of a risk for him. I'm sorry to say that you might have to put this one to rest. As long as he is with someone else, he's not available. Perhaps it's a rebound, perhaps it's sincere... but in either case, he's made the choice to move on. If you hear about a break up between them and you're still wanting to make things work, THEN make contact and have a chat. If the space you asked for entailed no contact between the two of you- it's not a surprise he made the assumption it was over. It's also possible that he viewed your disappearing acts as being indicative of patterned behaviour.... and he didn't want to risk remaining vulnerable to someone who has a tendancy to ask for breaks (remember- break=rejection to most of us). You did have the option of keeping up your responsibility of your busy work load while keeping in touch and making the effort to see him when you could. You choose the route of no contact during these breaks... most people would assume the relationship is over. Are you really sure that work was the real reason here- or are you feeling regret after finding out he has moved on?
Author WonderGurl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Thank you for your posts everyone. I was caught up in work, essentially running 2 companies while in the midst of starting my own internet company. We had such a great/ fun relationship that I suppsose I was worried that my stress would get taken out on him or he would see me in a bad way. Basically I just told him we wouldn't be able to hang out as much, but we still did things a couple times a week. I think part of it came from my own insecurity that if I wasn't as fun or... I don't know, happy as I had been... and it continued for a good two months of being pretty tired and stressed out, that he would just think that's how I am normally and want to look for something else (as him and his friends would go out quite a bit). I guess it was my way of still trying to have control over the situation, even though it obviously bit me in the butt at the end. I would write him emails detailing that I still loved him and wanted to be with him bc I was afraid of him not really "hearing" me when I said those things. I suppose none of it really sank in and he did take it as a rejection. I totally regret it now.
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