Goatsbreath Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I have a lingering feeling of wanting to talk to my ex and make her admit that from the start she was planning to leave me for another man. She denies it but she was immediately with him during the breakup and now more then ever it seems. The last time we talked she said things are the way they are because of how I reacted to her telling me she wanted some space, blah blah. This is a blatant lie because I found proof that she was harboring feelings for this guy during the points where she said we were having problems and pretended to work on things. She never wanted to work on things, she kept looking for a new place to stay and as soon as she found it she was with him. I hate her for blaming me for "the way things are." Also, last time we spoke I was nice to her and now I feel mad for being nice. Like why does she deserve to think I'm feeling nice to her and I'm still in love with her. I made it obvious last time we talked cuz Im a ****ing idiot. Now what.....my emotions are all messed up. If im nice to her I hate myself for it, If I'm mean I will regret that. I want her to admit to leaving me for someone else, this is not my fault.
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Hugs, Goatsbreath. I'd do the same thing -- act in ways that I won't regret later. (I wouldn't "hate myself" though...I'd be friggin' proud that I maintained MY dignity, self-respect and integrity.) Just cos she's saying that it's your fault doesn't make it true, does it? IMO, it's much more important what you know, than what she wants to BS herself (and others) about. Cos even if she would admit it, that really won't change anything important, will it? If it's not your fault, it's NOT your fault...no matter WHAT she does or doesn't do; says or doesn't say. And if she had that guy in the wings, then she did...no matter if she does or does not own up to it. I say take back your power -- you know what you know -- make that ALL that you need. (That is, so that you don't need anything from HER.)
Tryng2Trust08 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Im sorry you're going through all of these emotions, but I will reassure you they are quite normal. I highly doubt she is going to admit she left you for another guy. I agee with the previous poster, what if she does admit it to you, i don't think you're going to feel better about this. I can see why you're angry at yourself for being nice, and regretting if you're mean, I have felt this way sooo much. Im the kind of person that tries to do the right thing, so much that I tried to be my ex's friend and it backfired big time on me. If you feel she never worked on things, would you really want to be with this person now? Someone that can just throw your love out and go to another man like you meant nothing to her. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, nothing is going to be perfect, so stop letting her blaming you affect how you feel. You know deep in your heart that you tried and put everything you had into her. That is enough. You dont need the validation from her, she will never give it to you. She went to another man, this should tell you what kind of person she is, pretty weak. You could do better, don't let this girl affect your life one more day. Focus on yourself now, bettering yourself, she really doesnt deserve your love.
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