I was forced to break NC, now im back to square one.. !!

[entityzero]

Dammit!!

So for those of you who dont know, long story short..

Was with my girl for two years.

She broke with me.

We tried being friends.

She started dating a mate of mine.

She felt like **** about it but that didnt change anything.

They're a couple now.

I've been dealing with all the pain while she moves on.

There's nothing between us now, I miss her so much.

 

I'd been doing so good with NC, went away for 2 weeks, came back and felt great about my future even though I still thought about her alot.

But I got a phone bill with her name on it and the phone company said only she can close the account, so I had to call her to ask her to sort it out.

4 weeks of NC down the drain and its bought back all those feelings i tried so hard to control.

She was nice to me on the phone, asked me how my trip was, and even though she hurt me so bad I wanted to tell her all about it and share it like I would've used to.

I wrote her a letter before I went away just saying what I felt i needed to say, and she said she got and read it and it made her feel bad etc...but she couldnt talk to me about it now coz she was at work.

She told me she was gonna call me before I left to wish me a good trip but then she got the letter and decided not to.

I was really surprised she even thought about me enough to wanna call and wish me a good time, and im wondering what that all means?

She wants to talk to me about the letter at some point so now im just waiting to hear what she thought, even though i doubt it changed anything.

I thought she would read it and hate me forever but she doesnt and sounded nicer than ever on the phone.

Im confused, upset and missing her more than ever...

HELP

[northstar1]

Dammit!!

So for those of you who dont know, long story short..

Was with my girl for two years.

She broke with me.

We tried being friends.

She started dating a mate of mine.

She felt like **** about it but that didnt change anything.

They're a couple now.

I've been dealing with all the pain while she moves on.

There's nothing between us now, I miss her so much.

 

I'd been doing so good with NC, went away for 2 weeks, came back and felt great about my future even though I still thought about her alot.

But I got a phone bill with her name on it and the phone company said only she can close the account, so I had to call her to ask her to sort it out.

4 weeks of NC down the drain and its bought back all those feelings i tried so hard to control.

She was nice to me on the phone, asked me how my trip was, and even though she hurt me so bad I wanted to tell her all about it and share it like I would've used to.

I wrote her a letter before I went away just saying what I felt i needed to say, and she said she got and read it and it made her feel bad etc...but she couldnt talk to me about it now coz she was at work.

She told me she was gonna call me before I left to wish me a good trip but then she got the letter and decided not to.

I was really surprised she even thought about me enough to wanna call and wish me a good time, and im wondering what that all means?

She wants to talk to me about the letter at some point so now im just waiting to hear what she thought, even though i doubt it changed anything.

I thought she would read it and hate me forever but she doesnt and sounded nicer than ever on the phone.

Im confused, upset and missing her more than ever...

HELP

 

She doesn't hate you because she's moved on and is with someone new.

 

You need to cut contact with her, not wait around to hear what she thought about your letter. It's pointless.

You said what you had to say in the letter, now it's time to move on with your life. Having any more conversations with her is just going to keep you at square 1.

Think about this, other than "I made a mistake, I miss you and want to try things again", what does she have to say about the letter that will do you any good?

I understand you want a reaction from her (this is why we break NC), but the one you will likely get is not going to help you at all, except you will have more questions.

[allthewiser]

hey mate

 

me again. sorry i havent emailed, but i've been away from civilisation for the past 12 or so days (now i can't get into my gmail account, so i'll need to use my work email). whats ur email addy again?

 

IMO DON'T TALK TO HER about the letter. you wrote it at a time where your headspace is different to what it is now. it sounds like you have started to move on, and i think she may sense that (or want to test it), so she can have you hanging again. she isn't in your life anymore and if she does want to be a part of it then what are her motives? just sit and think of ALL THE PROGRESS that you've made. re-read your past posts and reflect. DON'T GO THERE in having the convo about the letter..it and it's contents are finished..does it really matter what she thinks? all it'll do will f*ck u up even more, bc it's like you still have hope or stirring up the feeling of hope. she is still with your ex best mate, and appears to be ok in that situation. JUST DON'T GO THERE

 

with the mail...do u know her address? if so, then redirect ALL her mail and include a note telling her that she needs to redirect her mail (by a certain date) or it goes in the bin (that's what i did). if your name isnt on the bill, then don't worry about it. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

 

hugz

[entityzero]

I want to hear what she has to say..

I want her to admit she f**ked up and regrets cutting me out of her life.

My headspace might be slightly different but what I wrote in the letter is exactly what i still feel and i want to know what she thinks.

 

I wondered where you'd got to, nice to hear from you though, email me at [email protected]

 

This is all such bulls**t, why is she so nice to me, it'd be easier if she was just a b**ch to me.

 

Also, when you say "appears to be Ok with that" do you think maybe she isn't but feels stuck in that situation or is scared to be alone?

Its so hard for me to accept she's happy without me.

[allthewiser]

what are your reasons for wanting to hear what she says? so what if she says she f*cked up...even if you hear it, but she still wants to be with the other fella...its going to make YOU FEEL WORSE!! are you still holding onto some hope for a r-ship or friendship with her?

 

its your heart ruling your head, mate. and where has it gotten you before? more pain!

 

you will never know what is going on in her head. look deep within and ask yourself "would you believe what she tells you? why she did what she did?" the trust is gone...you're only going to read into things to fuel your own hope, feelings etc. does it really matter what she thinks about you now? if she wants to be with you, then y is she still with him? nothing but pain will come from that encounter... u may have lost 4 weeks of nc, but do you really want to take the chance of wasting more precious hours, days to heal yourself...to scramble back to where you are now..the progress (altho it may seem small), you have battled for?

 

myself, like so many others on here, would love to have their ex to tell them what was/is going on in their minds (most of them most probably don't even know..look at my situation...doubling up her dose of antidepressants...), but since cheating and betrayal was involved, i really would not believe what she tells me.

 

hope that makes sense

[entityzero]

nothing makes sense anymore.

not even a trip to the other side of the world could help me.

 

i'd take her back in a second if i could.

[allthewiser]

check your email..call me if you want

[WonderGurl]

I've just gotten in on this and read your thread. I was in a relationship 3.5 years and lived with the guy. When he broke up with me I was devastated! He had his reasons--I wanted to move out and have more space, do my own thing--whatever. Still crushed me. Tried getting him back for a good 6 months. We did get back together, eventually, and I realized after a short time he wasn't the guy I "thought" I was in love with. My mind and heart had gotten so caught up in the hurt and how to get him back that I didn't see the reality of it.

 

Question to you: how long have you been broken up?

 

It can take a LONG time to get over someone, but trust me, you WILL. You become comfortable, secure and familiar with someone you're in a relationship with and when you are not the type to rebound you feel the effects right away -- but also heal faster. It is VERY common to feel like you will never find someone like them again... that's how I felt and that is how most of my friends out of long relationships feel. But you will find someone, it just takes time. Trust in that. Sometimes it takes finding someone new before you can really get over an ex. Sometimes it's finding the fun and opportunity in the world that help you get over them.

 

And if you are meant to be with this girl... this obviously isnt the time. I say give them 3 - 4 months. If they don't come back, what you think was there probably wasn't and you should move on. If you have the money to travel and are in good health... you have a lot to be happy and grateful about Life is TOO short to spend so much time miserable. Hang in there!

[Peter_pan]

hey mate this happend to some one else not so long ago. go into nc and she can no longer hurt you.

 

sorry to hear that mate i hope you pull through this. it does make it harder if she is nice., makes it feel like she never did anything wrong dosnt it

[entityzero]

Peter_pan you're right the nicer they are the harder it is because it makes it feel like she never did anything wrong, and the nicer she is to me her nicer i am to her..what a chump

 

Wondergurl thankyou for your kind words, we've actually been broken up for almost 4 months, so i guess i should of moved on by now huh?

Its just the fact she's with a "mate" and i find it so hard to accept she's ok with that, so i still believe that some place and some time shes going to realize that and come crawling back, and i guess im holding onto that too much

 

The thing is, since we broke up i've been causally seeing a girl who wants to be with me and I had to tell her i wasnt ready coz it wasnt fair to her that i was always thinking about my ex, so i've thrown away an opportunity with someone new all because im still hung up about things, im so lame!

 

I need to hear from her that she really has no intention of ever wanting anything to do with me again, but until then i know im holding on

[Peter_pan]

hey bud, was she mates with your ex best mate then? or ?

 

if not... then she will highly unlikely one day come to her senses and want you back. you have to let this one go man.

 

everything happens for a reason. believe that.

 

and as for passing the new opportunity by, dont sweat it man, there will be plenty more !

 

as for hearing from her that she has no intention of wanting you back, the signs are all there dude, its been months she hasnt come back, she wont.

 

i was in same boat. held on for many months and passed with other opportunities up.

 

the sooner you get rid of hope the quicker you will heal.

 

i know exactly what its like to be hung up on one girl, trust me. just *** her man, move on. she was an absolute cow for going out with your best mate ffs. why on earth would you want this girl back ! ever.

 

she is different. people change and thats the way it is man.

[entityzero]

Yeah we were all mutual friends through work even though I knew him for 8 years before, so shes only known him for 2..

Does it make any difference that she was friends with him aswell?

I left that company but they stayed so its not like I was their only contact, they saw each other at work and were friends before this happened.

 

I still want to believe she'll work out he isnt right for her

[Peter_pan]

Yeah we were all mutual friends through work even though I knew him for 8 years before, so shes only known him for 2..

Does it make any difference that she was friends with him aswell?

I left that company but they stayed so its not like I was their only contact, they saw each other at work and were friends before this happened.

 

I still want to believe she'll work out he isnt right for her

 

well she knows him well and so to a certain degree knows what his character is like and for what ever crazy reasons decided to go off with him. therefore, its unlikely she will just think some time he isnt right for her.

 

and hey, if she does she might even have some other guy lined up. could be one of his mates...

 

you are so much better off without this chick man.

 

also how old are you and her.?

 

i know it hurts man i was with my first gf for 3 years.

 

but now i feel much stronger entering any other relationship. i know i can handle it when it ends. it prepares you. and that i am thankful for.

 

you also need to look at this as a lesson learned. and not to waste time on her. i also know its so so much easier said than done. i am a bad example at letting go. but i feel like had i met another girl it would have been easier.

 

im just playing the waiting game and waiting for another great girl. i loved my ex very much. i let her go.

[entityzero]

Yeah i wonder if thats the thing...

 

I was 23 when we hooked up and she was 17, so young, i knew i could be asking for trouble.

She broke up with her ex-bf to be with me..

So she's 19 now and im 25, so I know that age and immaturity might be an answer to why she did what she did.

 

Thing is, this new guy is 32!! He's her boss, and she always used to tell me he was a pig and she knows how bad he treats girls, yet now shes with him, whats with that??

 

I know shes not right for me, so why the s**t do i still CRAVE her??

You did well to do what you did, i wish i could do the same.

[Peter_pan]

Yeah i wonder if thats the thing...

 

I was 23 when we hooked up and she was 17, so young, i knew i could be asking for trouble.

She broke up with her ex-bf to be with me..

So she's 19 now and im 25, so I know that age and immaturity might be an answer to why she did what she did.

 

Thing is, this new guy is 32!! He's her boss, and she always used to tell me he was a pig and she knows how bad he treats girls, yet now shes with him, whats with that??

 

I know shes not right for me, so why the s**t do i still CRAVE her??

You did well to do what you did, i wish i could do the same.

 

yeah man she is very young, you need someone with maturity girls are so flaky when there young!

 

and between her and him there is a huge huge age gap. that will certainly not last. she will again want to " find " herself at the age of 21.

 

you still crave her cause you loved her.. its not like you didnt spend 2 years with her... you gained and grew very strong feelings toward her.

 

one thing ive learned is girls pretty much "love" the bad ass. or the one that treats women not so well. women are attracted to it, for some odd reason.

 

join a gym, better yourself, join a club and meet new people. worked well for me.

 

ive gone from mr skinny, to girls telling me how sexy i am...

[entityzero]

I really appreciate your wisdom man i'll take as much as you can give!

 

I know girls are flaky at that age and i know i need a woman not a girl.

And yeah i can see how shes attracted to this dude coz he is a bit of a bad ass in a way, the way that he doesnt give a **** about anything other than himself, where as i always wanted to talk to her about her problems and help her, he's just an escape for her.

 

I know it wont last but even the thought of them being together for a year is too much for me, but yeah.. there is a BIG difference with their ages, eventually she has to realize he's approaching 40.. <sigh>

 

I want to do more exercise and lose a bit of weight but i feel so low i cant drag my ass out and do anything about it!

 

I just need to know how she feels about me, if anything at all.

I know somewhere inside her she still loves me.

[D-Lish]

As hard as it is to come to terms with- she's giving you a very clear signal that she's moved on simply by being with someone else.

 

You'll only hurt yourself by making assumptions that she'll eventually come to her "senses" and want you back.

 

It's the waiting for her that is going to be a huge detriment to your healing progress. You have to start looking at this differently- you have to start living your life as if it's over.

 

That doesn't mean that you stop grieving over the demise of the relationship. That's important to go through. However, you do have to start living your life and stop hoping she's going to come back someday.

 

It's impossible to heal or progress if you hold on to that belief.

 

I feel for you, it's such a tough thing to deal with. I personally, could never take back an ex that left me for someone else....I'd never get past that. Maybe it's time to get angry at her, it's not like she doesn't deserve your anger hooking up with your mate like that.

[entityzero]

The thing is i dont think she made a very clear or conscious decision to be with him, he just swooped in as soon as we broke up and charmed the **** out of her, she was vulnerable and i know she doesnt like to be alone..

So i feel like she took that easy option instead of dealing with the pain of us breaking up, and soon enough she'll realize she was never over me and made a huge f**king mistake.

[Peter_pan]

not at all i hope you put it to practice. took me long enough to start doing what people told me over and over, but slowly and surely i dug myself out the rut.

 

yeh i know the feeling about not wanting to exercise when you feel so low. but trust me just do it. and stick with it. over time your realize how far your fitness and looks have come.

 

and hey if you think one day stuff it i give up fine ! thats absolutely ok. just get round to it later.

 

yea it was a rebound, and her way of coping, some girls are like that. my ex did the same pretty much. only with someone she new for 4 weeks.. as i will say again, dont wait around for her to change.

 

even if u did get to be with her again she would likely pull the same stunt on you again. look at this as a new clean start. your free man !!

 

 

 

and good advice from d lish as always

[entityzero]

im just not handling this very well at all.

when will it end?!!