Not the love ace Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I've been talking to this girl that I've known for 2 years now and we've had a really great relationship. We had the strongest bond and connection and she told me I was her first love. The first guy she truly fell for. We hung out I slept over her house plenty of times and we have had sex, and did things regular couples did accept for the fact we weren't officially a couple. I felt bad but I didn't want to rush into things since I had a really rough and bad break-up with another girl 3 years prior and I wasn't ready to just get into anything serious but slowly and surely I did have major feelings for this girl and we were going to go out. at times she rushed me and pressured me to go out since we really loved each other. i went out with her but I just wasn't ready to make a big commitment just yet. So we broke up but the relationship remained the same and we continued like that for a few more months. I finally asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Before we went out though, I discovered that she was messing with another boy. I couldn't consider it cheating since we weren't going out but it bothered me since I remianed faithful to her and she promised she wouldn't go out with anyone and if she did she promised that she'll be honest and tell me. So to make a long story short we're not going out because I couldn't help the fact that she still see's the guy and he claims they are going out. me and her are still talking and she still confesses the same love. What bothers me is that she says she loves me more than anyone and when I asked her if we can be serious soon, she said not yet. What bothers me is that I think she is going out with this guy and doesn't want to tell me, but at the same time she still wants to be with me and cuddle and what not. I don't know if I should believe the rumors. I seriously do care for her but I don't want her to have her cake and eat it too. If she truly loves me I think she should just tell me whats she's doing without lying. The problem I have is I don't know whether to believe her or not. I know how great women can be at lying (not bashing women, they just can do it 100 times better than men) and its bugging me because I don't want to just drop her and let the other guy have her. At the same time I don't want to be a pawn to her. I tried talking to her multiple times but all that happens is that she starts getting irate and then we get into an arguement that goes no where. Is it because she probably is telling the truth and I don't believe her? Or is it because she's lying and she knows she's caught? What should I do because I'm losing my freaking mind here.
Geishawhelk Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 What bothers me is that she says she loves me more than anyone and when I asked her if we can be serious soon, she said not yet. What bothers me is that I think she is going out with this guy and doesn't want to tell me, but at the same time she still wants to be with me and cuddle and what not. Nooooooooo....You think? Surely not - ? I don't know if I should believe the rumors. I seriously do care for her but I don't want her to have her cake and eat it too. Then right now - this minute - from here on - don't give it to her..... The problem I have is I don't know whether to believe her or not. I know how great women can be at lying (not bashing women, they just can do it 100 times better than men) and its bugging me because I don't want to just drop her and let the other guy have her. No - trust me - (and no word of a lie here!) - you would be much, much better off letting him have her. She's an habitual liar, user and cheater. You will never, in a gadgillion years, ever be able to completely trust her. She's cheating with -and on- both of you....You think you can change this? Think again. At the same time I don't want to be a pawn to her. I tried talking to her multiple times but all that happens is that she starts getting irate and then we get into an arguement that goes no where. Is it because she probably is telling the truth and I don't believe her? Or is it because she's lying and she knows she's caught? Tah-daaaah!! By george, I think he's getting it.... What should I do because I'm losing my freaking mind here Hold on to your mind. Let go of her. Like a hot stone in the Sahara at midday.....
thegoodlife Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Let her go for sure. She's not worth your time, emotions, or thoughts. Simple as that.
Trialbyfire Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 So to make a long story short we're not going out because I couldn't help the fact that she still see's the guy and he claims they are going out. me and her are still talking and she still confesses the same love. What bothers me is that she says she loves me more than anyone and when I asked her if we can be serious soon, she said not yet. What bothers me is that I think she is going out with this guy and doesn't want to tell me, but at the same time she still wants to be with me and cuddle and what not. So, the two of you aren't in a relationship and it appears she's in a relationship with another guy, based on what he thinks. She's also not ready for a relationship with you. Sounds to me like both of you guys are being had. She's juggling like mad and has both of you believing you're "the one". Having said all that, it also appears that you've been doing some pushing and pulling with her feelings. If anything, I don't think the two of you are compatible or ready for a serious relationship. Time to pack up your marbles and get out of this nasty game. Go find yourself someone who wants to be with you and only you, with the reverse holding true. No games.
Author Not the love ace Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 I want to let go of her, but I can't help but feel that the guy she's with is probably having an influence on her and is contributing to sabotaging our relationship. Prior to this, he knew about our problems (because they have classes together and became friends) and I felt like he preyed on it and was just waiting for the right time to jump to my girlfriend. This pisses me off because they don't know each other for too long from my understanding. So I kind of feel like fighting back and proving that he can't take her away from me and separate us. However, you guys are correct on everything you say. I'm just pretty hard-headed and I just don't want to lose. And its not out of pride but out of love. Slowly but surely I'll get over it, but I want her to just admit that there's something going on. I want answers, but I guess I won't get that....I got enough answers....
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I can't help but feel that the guy she's with is probably having an influence on her and is contributing to sabotaging our relationship. That may be easier for you to swallow, but it is just your mind BSing your Self. She is making her own choices (unless she's been diagnosed by a medical team as being mentally under-developed and unable to make her own decisions.) It's not a matter of "losing" -- you are just facing the consequence of your fears that resulted from your earlier bad break-up. You became emotionally involved and thought you'd be "safe" just because you didn't call it a committed relationship. Which is fine and fair enough. It doesn't make you the "loser" in this drama. It just is helping you to see what you still need to work on, about overcoming that bad break-up and being really emotionally ready for romantic involvements. This link on 'how to survive the loss of a love' may be helpful: http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm Hugs and good luck.
O'Malley Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 So I kind of feel like fighting back and proving that he can't take her away from me and separate us. To some extent, I do think you miss having the upper hand in this situation. I'm not excusing her current behavior, but things were fine while she was pursuing a hesitant you, but once your roles were reversed and she had another guy to develop an FWB with.... Could you realistically expect her to commit to you and wait patiently after you told her you weren't ready for an exclusive relationship? Is it worthwhile to fight for someone who now sees you as one of her options and has no qualms stringing you along?
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