hotboxxin Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 My girlfriend left to go home the other night and she left her facebook on open to her messages, and I see a message from some dude and it says "Merry Christmas Beautiful!!!." So I instantly get suspicious and read other messages and here is just a few of what i read: Her: you have to come into pen, use goin to apex to snowboard as an excuse and then use coming to earls for dinner as an excuse to come see me haha.. text me to make sure im workin though, id be pissed if i wasnt workin and you come in. Her: Yeah i been textin you but no reply Her: I miss the texts.. be sure to let me know when you get your phone back on track Her: I'll be working lots during the summer.. and you'll definately have to come see me then Him:if you get a sore throat again let me no and i'll drive down and make you feel better with a pack of halls! ???? Him: i stopped by earls today to give you a hug but you werent there so i passed on the message to one of the servers Her: haha ohh that sucks!! work on friday night if your gonna be in town? i need a hug right now too! Normally i]I dont snoop, but after reading that who can blame me...... So i then look at her texts in her phone when she goes to the bathroom the next day and she has been texting the dude saying "hey whats up?" when we are going out for dinner and a hockey that night. She is with me and texting other guys... Is it me or is this unnacceptable? I may have been wrong snooping but to me I feel there is something up. Should I confront her about this and not bring up the fact I snooped? Or should I just bring up his name and ask what is going on even though I will never get a straight answer? Was it wrong for me to even look? I'm most likely to confront her about it, but I know I'm going to get a just friends thing. Do we have to make a rule in our relationship to not text other members of the opposite sex? I do have friends, but I don't text them unless we are getting together to go out or I need something and they do the same. To me it seems very odd to be having these kinds of converstations.... Maybe I'm just pikcing out the bad in them? I don't know. Any insight please?
SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Flirting - Facebook and Texts My girlfriend left to go home the other night and she left her facebook on open to her messages, and I see a message from some dude and it says "Merry Christmas Beautiful!!!." So I instantly get suspicious and read other messages and here is just a few of what i read: Her: you have to come into pen, use goin to apex to snowboard as an excuse [COLOR=#660000]http://www.relationship-forums.com/i...lies/smile.gif[/COLOR] and then use coming to earls for dinner as an excuse to come see me haha.. text me to make sure im workin though, id be pissed if i wasnt workin and you come in. Her: Yeah i been textin you but no reply [COLOR=#660000]http://www.relationship-forums.com/i...lies/frown.gif[/COLOR] Her: I miss the texts.. be sure to let me know when you get your phone back on track [COLOR=#660000]http://www.relationship-forums.com/i...lies/smile.gif[/COLOR] Her: I'll be working lots during the summer.. and you'll definately have to come see me then [COLOR=#660000]http://www.relationship-forums.com/i...es/biggrin.gif[/COLOR] Him:if you get a sore throat again let me no and i'll drive down and make you feel better with a pack of halls! ????[COLOR=#660000]http://www.relationship-forums.com/i...s/confused.gif[/COLOR] Him: i stopped by earls today to give you a hug but you werent there so i passed on the message to one of the servers Her: haha ohh that sucks!! work on friday night if your gonna be in town? i need a hug right now too! Normally i]I dont snoop, but after reading that who can blame me...... So i then look at her texts in her phone when she goes to the bathroom the next day and she has been texting the dude saying "hey whats up?" when we are going out for dinner and a hockey that night. She is with me and texting other guys... Is it me or is this unnacceptable? I may have been wrong snooping but to me I feel there is something up. Should I confront her about this and not bring up the fact I snooped? Or should I just bring up his name and ask what is going on even though I will never get a straight answer? Was it wrong for me to even look? I'm most likely to confront her about it, but I know I'm going to get a just friends thing. Do we have to make a rule in our relationship to not text other members of the opposite sex? I do have friends, but I don't text them unless we are getting together to go out or I need something and they do the same. To me it seems very odd to be having these kinds of converstations.... Maybe I'm just pikcing out the bad in them? I don't know. Any insight please? I kind of suck at the quotes thing...so I hope this all shows up okay. But I will tell you right now it IS odd that she is having these types of conversations! I have tons of guy friends...in fact, the majority of my good friends are male. They would never say "I stopped by blah blah today to give you a hug" Ummm no! That isn't something a platonic male friend says...also none of my friends message me and say "Merry Christmas, beautiful." Sure, they say Merry Christmas. And that is it. It also worries me that she said use this and that as an excuse to come see me. If they were just friends...why does he need an excuse to give someone to go see her? Things sound verrrrrrry fishy imo. I would certainly confront her about it- hey, she was the one who left her fb messages up on your computer...but I would only confront her to say "hey I know what you're doing and I'm done"... Just my 2 cents. Good luck.
SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Another thing... you call him "some dude" meaning you've never met/heard her mention this guy before? How do they know eachother?
Author hotboxxin Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Thanks for the reply. It's nice to have a females insight. Never met or heard of him in my entire life. I agree to, why does she need him to come in and give her a hug? The thing is we are in a LDR and I live 8 hours away. Is she doing this because of the lack of attention I giver her? But the guy lives in another town an hour away too and she can't drive, so why would she feel the need to text and message him and not me??? I don't want to confront her because I already have about her male friends and how I want to know if they are alone together, nothing more. She said that was fair. Another funny thing is that she is going to the same town he lives in today with a female friend whom I am not fond of, because she has cheated on many of my friends in the past. She is also in good spirits when last night she was being cold and short......
SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 When determining whether or not a LDR relationship is going to survive you have to look at a few things...and among those things is trust. You need to ask her about this and you need to tell her to come clean. If she can't be honest with you and tell you what's up then she's not worth it. Maybe LD is too much for her...are you two young? Honestly, if you can't communicate your needs and boundaries...and be completely honest with eachother then it's just not going to work.
Author hotboxxin Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Im 21 and shes 20. The thing is, is that I know she loves me to death and would do anything for me, so I know she wouldn't come clean no matter what. We've said that if we cheat its over no ifs ands or buts. I continually tell her my needs and boundaries, but she does not do the same for me. She was deeply hurt by her last relationship because she was cheated on. Is this her reason for not opening up? If she gets mad at me I literally have to beat it out of her to tell me, where as I just tell her why I'm upset or whatever. Also, she has told me she is lonely and doesn't have very many female friends... I just fear if I bring this up one more time we are done, and it could be for nothing.
SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Grr. My computer is not being very cooperative...sorry. Anyway...you say she loves you to death and would do anything for you...yet she is texing, flirting with, and possibly seeing a guy she has never mentioned on the side? My boyfriend knows 100% of my guy friends...I made it a point to introduce them to eachother. That way he knows we are JUST FRIENDS and there is nothing else going on there. He's actually become friends with quite a few of them. Also sounds like there is a major communication breakdown if you have to nag her to tell you what is wrong. And if you're telling her your needs and wants but she doesn't communicate hers to you. How long have you two been together? I know you don't want to hear it..but you're young! Esp. her! She is just getting to the stage where she will be turning 21 and will want to go out and be social (maybe go drinking?) and being in an LDR is it of utmost importance that you're both on the same page as far as boundaries, communication, etc. Do you know for sure that she dealt will the rollercoaster of emotions that come after being cheated on? Are you sure she is in a state to have a healthy, committed relationship?
Author hotboxxin Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 When she comes to visit me in 2 weeks I plan on introducing her to my female friends so she hopefully gets the point and will do the same. There is a communication breakdown. I think it is because she is so afraid to be hurt again that she isn't willing to open up to me. She tries but I can tell it is very difficult for her. We've been together for a year now. Drinking age is 19 in Canada and I don't mind her going out with the girls every now and then because I do know she is lonely had needs to have fun. I told her I don't mind her flirting a little, as longs as that is all it is. Nothing more, nothing less. She's even been mad at me before for texting other girls, so why does she have the right to do it to me? I'm not sure if she has gotten over it yet. She's told me that she will always have some feelings toward her ex, but she doesn't love him anymore. Her ex lives half way around the world so I'm not too worried about him. SophieA, if you were in my girlfriends situation what would your feelings be for someone you message in such a manner? Could it be platonic, or is it something more? Thank you for your time.
SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Bottom line: IMO it sounds like she has taken an interest in this guy...asking him to stop into work to see her...telling her she misses his texts, giving him excuses to come see her etc. Please, talk to her about it. To me, she doesn't sound like she's in a place where she should be in a committed relationship right now. Best of luck.
Author hotboxxin Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Thanks. I've decided I will confront her about it when we see each other next. I'm going to try subtle things to see if I get any reactions or differences in normal behaviour beforehand and see if she gets the message that I know. If she is unwilling to come to a compromise with the boundaries I've set, then I guess it will be time to end things. *edit* Also, we've had a conversation about trust etc. and she flat out asked me, "Are you F***ing other girls?" And I told her no, why would I ruin our relationship for a one night stand? Isn't there more to us then sex? So I asked her if she would ever cheat on me just for sex, and she replied yes. But I feel as if she said yes because she feels that I am doing it to her. I'm not sure what to think about this comment.... she was also drunk at the time.
Lucky_One Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Have you seen her yet? Anything else going on with her and this guy?
missdependant Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 "She is with me and texting other guys... Is it me or is this unnacceptable?" It's not unacceptable, but this particular situation is weird. Confront her. Tell her you read the messages, and you'd like answers. It isn't cool to snoop, but I'm starting to believe everyone does it at least once or twice in their life. It might turn out that he's gay. Maybe he's a distant relative. Maybe it's an old friend from high school or something. These scenarios are obviously pretty unlikely, but it's better than assuming. Do we have to make a rule in our relationship to not text other members of the opposite sex? No, because that would be controlling. Controlling behavior and jealousy are quick ways to ruin relationships. Learn to trust each other instead, and if that just isn't possible... the relationship WON'T work out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 The fact that it sounds like he's suggesting she lie to you to come see him (use snowboarding as an excuse?) tells me this is not a "just friends" thing. If she had nothing to hide and he IS just a friend - why wouldn't she talk to you about him? If I had any close guy friends, my BF would know about them. I would be 100% open and honest so he would see there was nothing to be threatened by. I'd confront her about it. Probably not the text message thing, but FB, definitely. She left the damn page open - that's her fault.
Author hotboxxin Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 I confronted her last night about it and she said that they met at work and he was really nice to her. This was also before we got together and the guy has a boyfriend. She said she didn't realize that she was flirting, so I asked her how she would feel if she read that and she said she would be upset. We had a little arguing but in the end I got the message across that she can't have any double standards. I told her to put herself in my shoes for once and ask herself how she would feel if I was doing what she was.
lilmizznikstar Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 yeah I was in a similar situation, except i was the one doing the online flirting and she probably doesn't just consider them a friend. She could just be doing it to stroke her ego, but it is very fishy. Confront her, and I hope everything works out well
Lucky_One Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 If he's gay, I wouldn't worry about this. I love having a gay guy around to hang out with, and it certainly isn't a threat to my BF.
playlislay Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 FACEBOOK IS EVIL!!!!!! Do you know how many people have caught their partners cheating on there? Im one of them! This whole bloody internet makes it way too easy for people to cheat. Ive known one woman who was married for 15years, they get internet for kids, hubby makes profile, finds american woman, ups and leaves wife, moves to america, gets married, doesnt work out, he comes back........(breath!), gets back wive wife, makes another profile and he's OFF!!! AGAIN! pfft! Sorry for the rant. I think Im going to move to the Amazon-no internet there me thinks? lol! Dont let her funk you around either. Seriously not worth the hassle in the long-run!
Author hotboxxin Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 sorry I meant **GIRLFRIEND*** not boyfriend he's not gay.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 sorry I meant **GIRLFRIEND*** not boyfriend he's not gay. LMAO...I figured if he was gay and you saw picture proof that it's all good and safe. But...just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean anything. Just sayin. People DO cheat. I'm not saying she's a liar, but I'd keep my eyes and ears open for anything further between these two. Just because it might be nothing now doesn't mean it'll always be that way.
Author hotboxxin Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Ya, I will keep my eyes and ears open, but I don't want to get paranoid over it and have to be always thinking about where and who's she with. Cause in the end, it will destroy the relationship and that is the last thing I want to do. Ever since I've talked to her about putting herself in my shoes, she has been texting ME about what I am doing all the time. Haha, so I think I got my balls back and will make sure to keep them and her.
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