Viking Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 And I can't figure out what the girl thinks. We went to a restaurant but they were closed because of a recent snow storm we have received. So, plan B was go to the good burger restaurant up the road, and luckily they were open. We both had burgers and talked for quite a while and enjoyed our time there at the restaurant. Talked about our families, traveling, what we'd like to do after school, etc. After dinner, we went bowling and had a good time, neither of us had been bowling in a while, so it was nice to get to do that. She seemed pretty open in conversation, talking about religion, her dad's immigration, how her parents met, what her parents do for a living and mostly just conversation. However, what I am confused by is whether or not she likes me and what to look for if she does. When I dropped her off at her house, it was around 9PM and she was meeting up with some friends. I got back to her house and she hopped out, thanked me for the evening and said, "See you Monday!". I'm headed out of town for the weekend as is she, so I figured I'd call her Sunday to see if she'd have time next week to possibly go on another date. However, I don't know if she is "that into me" but I could be mistaken. She's really involved in church "stuff", so I didn't even think of going for a kiss on the first date, but I kinda expected a hug or something, but to her credit, it was about 30* outside and I'm sure she was wanting to go inside. She didn't seem to be in a hurry to get away or anything as she told me early on that she was meeting friends and we had a good two hour date between dinner and bowling. What are some ways to figure out whether or not she is? I was pretty tired as it was a long day, so I feel like I might not have been at my peak, so I want to try again when I'm less tired. Should I bother? I'm just kinda confused as I haven't been on a date with someone who was so hard to read. What did I spend $42 on?:laugh: Thanks.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 You'll know when you ask her out again, I'd say. If she accepts, she likes you otherwise she's not that into you.
2sure Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 First - It would be nice if you sent a follow up message via email or text. Just saying you had a good time. Most guys do this and we appreciate it - makes us think. As to is she into you or no...cant tell. 'See you Monday" is pretty specific - do you work together or have a class?
Justin Briggs Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hey my name is Justin. I'm kind of new here so hi, but I do have some experience with dating and I think there are some things you should look into here. Now I will start by saying that everything I will say here is my opinion only, I am not you and I wasn't on that date but from reading your post a few things came to mind that I think you should consider: 1. Location - you went to grab something to eat and than bowling, that maybe nice but it's not attractive. There is a lot of "atmosphere creation" that goes along with picking the date location. By going to somewhere neutral like a burger joint or whatever, you send out a platonic vibe and not a sensual vibe. 2. The time of day - you knew in advance she wouldn't be able to spend the evening with you right? well, in that case I would just call it off. I don't want to be someone's "Standby" or "filler" until they go out and have the real fun. I am the real fun. There is a huge difference between "day dates" and "night dates" - again in the atmosphere and vibe. Just something to consider. 3. Exchange feelings and not information - probably the #1 mistake we guys make is that we think that if we talked through the whole date then it went well. This is absolutely not true when dealing with women. Women respond to emotions and not to information. So I'll be a little blunt here but who cares how many brothers or sisters she has ???? I want her to be attracted to me, to feel excited and that can't be achieved by mere exchange of information. So when you say that she seemed pretty open in the conversation it doesn't mean anything. 4. Was she into you - This is probably the most important question. I'll start with my opinion which is no. I'm sorry to be so straight forward and I must say that this is only my opinion and I may be totally wrong here, but here is why I think so: When a girl is in to you she sends you signals - she touches you "accidentally", she hangs around in your car before going back home, she at least hugs you and she doesn't say "see you on Monday" (my guess is that you two work or study together so you have to see each other ?). So if you want to know if she's into you look for those indicators of interest like: * Initiating conversation by herself * Laughing from silly things you say * Touching you * When she is embarrassed when you look at her (lowering her eyes) * If she seems to not want to leave (unlike this case) Anyway, in my opinion she isn't that into you, but it doesn't mean that all is lost. I'd certainly give this another shot. Call her up on Sunday and ask her: "when are you free this week?" Don't ask if she is free on a specific day - ask her this exact question. If here answer is anything but a specific day of the week then she is avoiding you and just let it go. If a girl wants to see you she will find the time to see you, there is no way she is THAT busy. So all of the "Oh I'm sorry it's a really busy week, we will see later on" is just her blowing you off. I'm sorry to be so pessimistic in my post but this is what I think. If you have any questions about why I think so I'll be more than happy to answer. Bye for now. Justin.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Speaking from a female point of view, number 1, 2 and 3 had NO bearing on how a date went for me. None, zero, zip. It had to do with the person involved, not time of day, not location, and no, sorry...exchange of INFORMATION not FEELINGS on a first date. What e-book did you get this stuff out of? It's stupid, sorry but it is. Viking, there's no way to tell if she was into you from the info you gave. You'll just have to ask her out again to know for sure. Edited to add that this I do agree with: "when are you free this week?" Don't ask if she is free on a specific day - ask her this exact question. If here answer is anything but a specific day of the week then she is avoiding you and just let it go. If a girl wants to see you she will find the time to see you, there is no way she is THAT busy. So all of the "Oh I'm sorry it's a really busy week, we will see later on" is just her blowing you off. That part is good advice. The rest is pretty nonsensical.
DunnoWhat Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Did you get any negative vibes from her? From what you said it sounds like she enjoyed your company. Her level of attraction is hard to tell at this stage. You need to talk to her and ask her out again.
Justin Briggs Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hey. So I understand you disagree Touche OK, no need to get all excited. I didn't get it off any book, it's my personal advice based on my personal experience. The way I look at it there is always some sort of dialog going on "behind the scenes", where attraction takes place. There are a lot of key element that help build that dialog - amongst which are the time of day and location. And I understand that you think these things have no bearing but I can assure you that at least from my experience they create a major difference. So you don't have to accept my opinion but understand that I am not just giving some sort of "copy paste" ebook advice. As for feeling and not information - I honestly believe that this is the #1 reason why most guys have boring "job interview" dates. Once you understand that it is not what you talk about but how you talk about it, it a whole different date. Justin.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hey. So I understand you disagree Touche OK, no need to get all excited. I didn't get it off any book, it's my personal advice based on my personal experience. I'm not excited. That's just my style. Sorry for saying it was from an ebook. It's still not great advice though...sorry. The way I look at it there is always some sort of dialog going on "behind the scenes", where attraction takes place. There are a lot of key element that help build that dialog - amongst which are the time of day and location. Again, sorry. Don't agree. I could have been stuck in a ditch in the middle of the night when I met my H and still been charmed. And I understand that you think these things have no bearing but I can assure you that at least from my experience they create a major difference. So you don't have to accept my opinion but understand that I am not just giving some sort of "copy paste" ebook advice. Gotcha. And I was saying that from MY experience those superficial things (time, place) matter not. As for feeling and not information - I honestly believe that this is the #1 reason why most guys have boring "job interview" dates. Once you understand that it is not what you talk about but how you talk about it, it a whole different date. Justin. Not quite sure what you meant here. My H didn't talk about "feelings" on our first few dates but nor did it feel like an "interview" either. We were just getting to know each other. It doesn't have to be one extreme or another you know.
prettybaby Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I actually agree with #1 and #2 from Justin's post. A man who knows good places and knows exactly where to take me, makes decisions, and manages to bring me to a nice restaurant, definitely gets a few bonus points from me. I know there was a snow storm and the place was closed, but I'm sure there were better plan B's out there. And #2 is an excellent point. However, I do think she might be interested. I agree that a little follow up text would be appropriate. Say you had a good time. And then maybe add in the same text "we should do this again, are you free (insert day)?". Or you can just call her and ask her out again. In any case, ask her out for another date. The way she responds to that one will probably answer your question about whether she likes you or not. Don't over analyze her goodbye. I was actually in the same situation a few months ago. Went on a first date with my now boyfriend. It was freeezing!! I practically hopped inside my house and said a quick goodbye lol The poor guy looked a bit puzzled And I DEFINITELY liked him A LOT. So, hey.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Ok, so I'm weird then. Those things just didn't matter to me when I was dating.
Author Viking Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 I actually agree with #1 and #2 from Justin's post. A man who knows good places and knows exactly where to take me, makes decisions, and manages to bring me to a nice restaurant, definitely gets a few bonus points from me. I know there was a snow storm and the place was closed, but I'm sure there were better plan B's out there. And #2 is an excellent point. However, I do think she might be interested. I agree that a little follow up text would be appropriate. Say you had a good time. And then maybe add in the same text "we should do this again, are you free (insert day)?". Or you can just call her and ask her out again. In any case, ask her out for another date. The way she responds to that one will probably answer your question about whether she likes you or not. Don't over analyze her goodbye. I was actually in the same situation a few months ago. Went on a first date with my now boyfriend. It was freeezing!! I practically hopped inside my house and said a quick goodbye lol The poor guy looked a bit puzzled And I DEFINITELY liked him A LOT. So, hey. I agree, both Justin and Touche have a lot of good things to say. As for the "follow up text", what day is appropriate for this? Friday? We went out Wednesday. As for "Plan B", it wasn't some burger joint dive, it was one of the more respectable restaurants in town that wasn't impossible to get to during the snow. Its a place where we both have been in the past and that we both knew what we wanted as far as burgers go. After the date, a friend of mine told me that she may have set up the whole friends after thing as a safety catch because she possibly could have wanted a way out if things didn't go well. I met her roommate also, and I was told that if she wanted to keep it secret, she would not have let me into the house or allowed me to meet her. @Justin, how do you do the "feeling" type of date without being overbearing? While we were bowling, she'd return from the lane and maybe not say anything (nor would I), but we'd make eye contact and smile. Usually, if someone is not enjoying themselves, would they do that? As for the next potential date, when I ask her, should I say something to the effect of "would you like to go out again and this time to XXXXXXXXX downtown that was closed? I had a good time and would like to take you out again." Thanks for the help. Edit: Maybe I am not as into her as I was before the date. I am still trying to figure out whether I would want to ask her out again. I had fun, but am a little miffed by her actions. There's another really cute girl in that class too. I might go after her also.
DunnoWhat Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Ok, so I'm weird then. Those things just didn't matter to me when I was dating. You're not weird you're right. What matters on dates is the company you're with. I'd actually advise people not to go on fancy dates because its too formal and puts pressure on the daters. The most successful dates are fun dates.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 You're not weird you're right. What matters on dates is the company you're with. I'd actually advise people not to go on fancy dates because its too formal and puts pressure on the daters. The most successful dates are fun dates. Thanks, and I agree 100%. Viking, I don't get you. You go from being all worried about what she thought of you to thinking you're not sure you want to ask her out again? Huh? Makes no sense.
Author Viking Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Thanks, and I agree 100%. Viking, I don't get you. You go from being all worried about what she thought of you to thinking you're not sure you want to ask her out again? Huh? Makes no sense. You and me both... But what I was getting at was whether or not to ask her out again because I am unsure if she will be boring or if she was just not too interested. I personally wouldn't mind giving it another shot, based on the fact that I think she has a lot of potential to be interesting once I get past the initial stages, but on the other hand, if she isn't interested, that could be the reason that she conducted herself in that manner. I'm confused as to which direction to go. Its left me feeling a little lackluster today as I think I like her enough to ask her out again, but at the same time, don't want to get turned down if she isn't interested. I just wish that there was some way of figuring out what she was thinking. When should I send her a text saying I had a good time? I did have a good time and she said she did too. I'd probably send a text later today, but call on Sunday? Thanks. This is all very confusing, as I haven't asked a girl out on a first date in over three years and I was just expecting things to fall into place like they did with my last GF.
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 It doesn't always go that way on the very first date. What do you have to lose to ask her out again?
Author Viking Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 It doesn't always go that way on the very first date. What do you have to lose to ask her out again? Nothing really, I just want to know when to send her a text (so I don't look too eager) and when to call her (so I don't act pestering and desperate.). I'm so busy this week and next week too, so that is something that I have to factor into the equation. Would it be appropriate to ask her if she's free one night next week for something other than dinner? I have a friend who suggested ice skating and then something afterward. I guess I figured I'd still have the same success with this date as I did last time. Just miffed and a little disappointed. I tend to get down on myself and act pessimistic easily when it comes to these kinds of things. What is the magic combo of words for the "right" text message?:lmao:
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Don't text...just call her today or tomorrow and ask if she'd like to get together one day next week. You're over-thinking this.
Author Viking Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 Don't text...just call her today or tomorrow and ask if she'd like to get together one day next week. You're over-thinking this. That's me! Over thinker and over-analyzer!:rolleyes: I'll call tomorrow that way its not the day after. I just hate waiting and feeling uncertain as to what to do...
Touche Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 That's me! Over thinker and over-analyzer!:rolleyes: I'll call tomorrow that way its not the day after. I just hate waiting and feeling uncertain as to what to do... No need to feel uncertain. You'll know soon enough if you two are compatible and like each other. Good luck! Come back and tell us how it goes.
kashmir Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I don't want to generalize, but I haven't been too fortunate with really religious girls, and the one you described could be similar. I went on "dates" with two of these kinds of girls in the past. Both of these girls were saints...like, it's no question they're going to heaven if it exists, they're that generous and compassionate. The problem was that both of them seemed so asexual, though, like they didn't even distinguish between guys and girls. Both of them seemed to like me a lot, as they singled me out and went after me fairly strongly. They'd ask me to dinner/coffee, as would I. They'd smile at me, hug me, touch me, laugh at me while talking - all good signs. In the end, though, they were just acting as really close platonic friends. I especially realized this when one made a statement about waiting until marriage for not just sex, but any kind of intimate contact. I eventually distanced myself from them, as I knew I wasn't going to get a sexual relationship with these girls, and I also couldn't connect much to their passion for Christianity (plus I'm sure sooner or later I would say something goofy about Jesus that would really offend them ). So I don't know. This girl could be similar or she could not. Just food for thought.
Author Viking Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 Kashmir, you could be correct. I have a lot of friends who are Christian and some of them are very reserved and some of them are not. Seems to be based on the person (duh!). Me personally, I am not a touchy-feely person on the first date, and even the third or fourth. It could be that because we were out on a date, that she didn't feel comfortable being tactile. I guess this experience has just left me second guessing a lot of what I did and whether I want to try. I would like to and haven't called her back yet. I was thinking I'd call her tomorrow after I get off work to see if she'd be even interested in going out again, but for now, I want to avoid looking desperate, because I'm not..., but feel like if I called her tonight, it'd look like I wanted to move "too fast" and she doesn't seem to be a very quick mover. It wasn't an awkward night, but there weren't clear-cut signs shown by her. I tried to show her my interest by opening doors, paying for the date etc, and also just by asking her out. She knew/knows my intentions when I'm around her, I just want to find hers out. Any other words of advice? I appreciate it all thus far. What kind of response would she give if she isn't really interested? Thanks.
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 It's interesting that you mentioned that she had a "pre-arranged" meeting with her friends, and that someone explained that it could be something someone might use to end a date early. I always have a "phone call" set up. if I am having fun, I don't answer the call- if I want out of the date- I take the call and make up an excuse to leave early. BUT- once she has told you she has something pre-arranged... she sort of has to follow through with it regardless of whether or not she was having a good time! So it means nothing definitive and I wouldn't bother over thinking that one. Truly, the only way to know what is going on is to ask her out again. You said you are in school, so I suspect you are younger- and part of the texting generation, so texting her that you had a good time isn't inappropriate. It's up to you to decide- a call is more meaningful, a text is safer. Oh- and I completely agree that a first date is all about getting to know the other person. If there is chemistry, it just flows naturally. I don't need the mood lighting or special venue on a first date. I don't quite get what talking about "feelings" on a first date means. I'd rather laugh and chat and have a cool conversation. The bottom line is that in order to get the answer you seek- you have to ask her out again. There is always a risk of rejection- but there is also the risk of missing an opportunity. In my opinion, the latter outweighs the former.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 You're not weird you're right. What matters on dates is the company you're with. I'd actually advise people not to go on fancy dates because its too formal and puts pressure on the daters. The most successful dates are fun dates. I want to agree. But the OP stated that he knew this date had a time limit. The girl basically put him on the spot. Pick me up @ 7, you have 2 hours, now perform for me, hurry up. Yea, no pressure.
Author Viking Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 D-Lish and Hip, thank you for the advice. I was kinda bummed that she had something else going on but figured that since we're busy, she probably tries to cram as much into the free evenings that she has. Mondays aren't any good as she's got a church thing, Tuesday, something along that line, Wednesday she had free, but I skipped my lacrosse practice to go on a date, Thursday, I've got class til 8:30PM and Friday, I work from 12-9 and lacrosse from 9-10...weekends, I'm gone for lacrosse games and she goes home. Needless to say, neither her nor I have a whole lot of time to do anything earlier in the evenings. Wednesday is the only day that seems to work for her. Hip, I didn't feel too much pressure to "perform", but rather that I wanted to seem relaxed and take it in strides. I offered, at the end of bowling, to get ice cream or play another game, but I had lost track of time and it was 10 to nine, so I opted to take her back so she could do whatever. I wanted her to feel like I wasn't trying to make her hang around me. But I acted nicely and she thanked me for paying for dinner, bowling, driving, opening doors etc. Things guys should do when they take a girl on a date. I'd rather not beat around the bush with her because if she isn't interested, there's another girl who I'd ask out, and who, since I started not talking to her as much as before, seems to be looking more at me...figures. I was advised to wait until Monday to talk to her, but that is five days since the last time I would have talked to her, so I think I might call her Friday to say I had a fun time and see if she'd like to go out again...if not, prepare for new girl? EDIT: Its funny, because I have a friend who says from what I describe, she thinks I'd make a wonderful boyfriend, but I found that funny because I can't seem to find girls I want to date...I'm trying to be selective yet keep my options open. It ain't working too well, but I keep trying. Bars are less than savory most of the time and then I end up with opposite end of the spectrum with this girl. I am thinking that I don't necessarily want a girlfriend right now, but don't want to do the whole dating a million girls either.
jadelil25 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Send her a nice message, saying thank you for a nice time, I really enjoyed it and hoped you did to. She will appreciate that and it will show that you like her. Also just go for it and ask her if she wants to meet up again. That is the only way which you will find out. You said that she said see you Monday. That sounds like she wants to see you again. Just go for it. It will all be fine. Good Luck
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