Sexohalic

[mr.reverb]

How can you tell if you're a sexohalic? Is it a bad thing?

I think I may be addicted because it's all I think about all the time. I see so many women and I immediately think of what it would be like to have sex with them or what they look like naked. I constantly flirt and am tempted daily to cheat. I'm able to control my urges....somewhat. I've never cheated, but I've grabbed a few buts and had some online "relationships" with various friends and co-workers.

 

What can be done about it and is it really that bad of a thing if I'm keeping it controlled?

[electric_sheep]

I've never cheated, but I've grabbed a few buts

 

ha!

 

Is this actually culturally acceptable where you live? The Italians are notorious for this, but I thought it was going out of fashion.

 

If you're doing this in a culturally unacceptable context, it may be a bad sign.

[gopher]

It's just a matter of time before you cheat. You are flirting with disaster.

[JamesM]

How old are you? High hormone disease affects young males. This is not the same as being addicted to sex.

[Meaplus3]

 

 

I think I may be addicted because it's all I think about all the time. I see so many women and I immediately think of what it would be like to have sex with them or what they look like naked.

 

There is nothing wrong with thinking and looking.. as long as you have NO intentions on taking action.

 

 

I constantly flirt and am tempted daily to cheat. I'm able to control my urges....somewhat. I've never cheated, but I've grabbed a few buts and had some online "relationships" with various friends and co-workers.

 

If your that tempted then IMO it's only a matter of time before you may act. How is your marriage? I ask this because if your having issues then this could be the reason your tempted to cheat.

 

Mea:)

[JamesM]

Okay, I took the time to look at your other posts, and I see you are 27 and with a woman for three years and have a young child.

 

This is obviously different than a young kid who is fantasizing about sex.

 

What your concern seems to be is...you use porn and want to cheat.

 

First, there is the strong possibility that the constant watching of porn contributes to your dissatisfaction of your wife only. You look at other women because porn reinforces that women love sex and want it all the time. You know that this is not true, yet since you see it so often you think it may be true.

 

Second, watching porn may contribute to the idea that your woman is not enough.

 

Third, looking at other women as sex objects is a result of porn. Not everyone gets that way, but it may be that you do based on what you have said.

 

What to do? Are you addicted?

 

One thing to do is quit watching porn and quit thinking of women as sex objects. Women do NOT want sex all the time. They are no different than your own woman. Unless you pay for it, women will still want some sort of commitment from you.

 

Seek counseling for your porn usage if it is a problem with your having a good emotional and/or sexual relationship with your woman.

 

You do have control over your use of porn. You can quit if you want. But the question is...do you want to quit?

[mr.reverb]

WOW,

I wasn't expecting this much of a reaction to tell the truth.

 

Ummmm.... where to start...... Thanks to everyone for the help. as stated above, I am not a young male fascinated by sex. I've been around.

 

Actualy I think that may be part of my problem. James, You mentioned that "You look at other women because porn reinforces that women love sex and want it all the time. You know that this is not true, yet since you see it so often you think it may be true."

I think part of my problem is my previous gf did love sex all the time. It was an extremely sexual relationship that combined extreme emotions with wild sex. There isn't much that we didn't try or do with each other. So combining my past, with (like you said) my ideologies of porn, I have a certain preconceived idea of what women "should" be like when in fact they aren't.

 

Now, let me get one thing straight. I love my gf. But I believe strongly that sex and love aren't always in the same boat. Obviously when you're in a relationship and in love, sex is a part of it. But I believe sex to also be a physical need.

 

I don't want to cheat, and don't think I would. Like I said, I've grabbed a butt or two (not in a derogitory way. The girls have been receptive and ok with it. I hate offending ppl, especial women) but I've realise it was wrong. I've corrected myself and have suppressed any urges. However, this physical need is still stirring. To be honest, if my gf and I had sex every night, I don't think it'd be enough for my needs. Like I said, my Ex wanted it all the time, and even she couldn't keep up with me at times.

 

Is there anything that can lower your libito (sp) without having side effects on my performance in bed or any other major side effects? Basically somethign that can lower the frequency that I desire sex?

[JamesM]

WOW,

I wasn't expecting this much of a reaction to tell the truth.

 

Only on LS.

 

I think part of my problem is my previous gf did love sex all the time. It was an extremely sexual relationship that combined extreme emotions with wild sex. There isn't much that we didn't try or do with each other. So combining my past, with (like you said) my ideologies of porn, I have a certain preconceived idea of what women "should" be like when in fact they aren't.

 

Or you need a GF who loves sex all of the time. Incompatible sex drives can be a problem...as long as your sex drive is not artificially stimulated from porn.

 

Obviously when you're in a relationship and in love, sex is a part of it. But I believe sex to also be a physical need.

 

One can be "in love" or love someone else and still not have a lot of interest in sex...or at least not as much interest as the partner. While you may like sex every day and then some, I am plenty happy with sex every few days. So there are two guys and two different levels of libido. When I was your age, I still would not have wanted sex more than every couple of days.

 

I believe sex is a physical need, too, but it is not as necessary as often as food for instance. But "studies" have shown that the more one watches porn, the more one has a hunger for it.

 

What is sex in a relationship for you as compared to "just sex" with a stranger? What are your expectations from sex with your GF? What are your priorities? Why do you want sex every day? For your fulfillment or for hers?

 

I don't want to cheat, and don't think I would.

 

I think you could easily cheat because your level of dissatisfaction could create anger that "drives" you to seeking sex outside of your relationship.

 

Hopefully you will leave the relationship before that happens.

 

Like I said, I've grabbed a butt or two (not in a derogitory way. The girls have been receptive and ok with it.

 

The question is...what if they are okay with a kiss or two and then a little more? What will make you stop from going all of the way?

 

I've corrected myself and have suppressed any urges. However, this physical need is still stirring.

 

The fact that you have to suppress urges should be of a concern. While it is normal for all in committed relationships to have such urges, it should not take continual work to keep them suppressed IMO. Since this is not marriage, I think you need to decide what is more important...your GF or more sex? More sex with HER or just more sex? Be honest.

 

To be honest, if my gf and I had sex every night, I don't think it'd be enough for my needs.

 

I think this response may help you answer the above questions.

 

Is there anything that can lower your libido without having side effects on my performance in bed or any other major side effects? Basically something that can lower the frequency that I desire sex?

 

Antidepressants will lower libidos...at least some of them will.

 

My opinion is that you have a choice...your gf or more sex. It doesn't appear that she will change suddenly or at least not for the long term.

[mr.reverb]

Thank you James, you have posed some interesting questions. I will answer them on Monday. I'm at work when I post, and am about to leave. Maybe having the weekend to think about all of this will help me too.

 

I'll be sure to post again on Monday.

 

Thanks

[mr.reverb]

I'm back, as promised.

So I had some time to think and anylise things in my relationship as far as sex goes and have come up with the following:

 

First of all, when I watch porn I've realized that I enjoy watching it and it's not that I wish it was me with the girl on screen, but that it was me and my girl.

 

I have also learned I have a desire for change. That doesn't mean with a different girl, but change of location, new positions, games, etc. I get bored quickly of the same old...

 

I enjoy sex with my girl. It's always good. The down side is that due to her chronic back pain, she's always in more pain after sex which kinda makes me feel bad.

 

Now I still look at other women and wonder what it'd be like with them. I even sometimes wish I could have casual sex with them. But the urge doesn't escape fantasy into my reality. It's almost like I can rationalize it as strictly fantasy.

 

Now the tough question.....do I want more sex, or more sex with HER? The truth is, both. I want more sex with my girl, but I want more experiences.....this can be achieved with her. But the truth is, I'd like to have a couple new partners just to know what it's like. I think this is due to my nature. I have always been big on trying new things and getting the most of any kind of experience. i want to experience the full spectrum of everything I do. Unfortunately, it seems sex is falling into this category as well.

 

So, will I cheat? I doubt it. I'm loyal to my gf. Would I like to cheat.... maybe, but I doubt I'd be able to actually go through with it.

[JamesM]

 

First of all, when I watch porn I've realized that I enjoy watching it and it's not that I wish it was me with the girl on screen, but that it was me and my girl.

 

I doubt this makes any difference in how porn affects your intimacy with your gf. Why? Because if she does not do what you see happening, then I think it will cause more dissatisfaction with her sexually.

 

Personally, I cannot see how you can watch a couple doing something and then while watching it, imagine you and another woman (ie your gf) instead of the couple on the screen.

 

I have also learned I have a desire for change. That doesn't mean with a different girl, but change of location, new positions, games, etc. I get bored quickly of the same old...

 

And I am guessing that she does not share this desire for change?

 

I enjoy sex with my girl. It's always good. The down side is that due to her chronic back pain, she's always in more pain after sex which kinda makes me feel bad.

 

So does she enjoy sex? Is it you that initiates sex? Ya gotta admit...if you knew that after every time you had sex that you back would hurt, then you would probably not enjoy the idea of sex either.

 

Now I still look at other women and wonder what it'd be like with them. I even sometimes wish I could have casual sex with them. But the urge doesn't escape fantasy into my reality. It's almost like I can rationalize it as strictly fantasy.

 

And hopefully it can stay that way. For many men, this is what precedes an affair. First it is all women, then a few, then a particular one, and then that one is interested, too. Next thing you know....affair.

 

I know that is said kinda simplistic, but fantasy about one woman can lead to an affair.

 

I think it is normal to fantasize about other women once in awhile, but from your posts, it seems to be more than that. I can appreciate other women, but it is a rare time that I actually think of having sex with them in any sort of detail.

 

Now the tough question.....do I want more sex, or more sex with HER? The truth is, both. I want more sex with my girl, but I want more experiences.....this can be achieved with her.

 

It is one short step of boredom with one partner to adding a new partner. She can never provide the variety of other women. She can provide more experiences, but does she enjoy what you would like to try? And then the question I have is...does this variety look exciting because you see it happening on your porn videos?

 

What is her view of watching porn with you?

 

What has been her opinion of the different sexual experiences that you want to try?

 

What do you want to try that is different? Does it include other people?

 

But the truth is, I'd like to have a couple new partners just to know what it's like. I think this is due to my nature.

 

If so, then you cannot be committed to one person unless that person is into the swinging lifestyle. It is not just your nature, it is the lack of wanting to be committed to one person.

 

Have you had sex with anyone besides the woman you are with?

 

So, will I cheat? I doubt it. I'm loyal to my gf. Would I like to cheat.... maybe, but I doubt I'd be able to actually go through with it.

 

Rare is the person who thinks he or she will cheat before they have cheated. I don't deny I can cheat, and truthfully, I think it keeps me more on my guard. I know today I won't cheat, but I never say tomorrow will be the same. Yes, I am quite confident that it won't happen, but I am not naive enough to say that if I let myself slide into a situation which is tempting that I will not cheat.

 

My point is....I think you are setting yourself up so that if the situation is right, you could very easily cheat. This in now way means you are less of a person. I think it will be more helpful if you recognize that.

 

How has the discussion with your GF gone when you discussed this "problem" of yours...and I guess hers, too?

 

Do you think she enjoys sex with you or I should say, does she enjoy sex? And this is not a slam against your abilities. You mentioned her bad back...does that keep her from really enjoying it?

 

Can you stay with her if things never change?

[mr.reverb]

I apreciate all your questions, and they are god ones. I am answering in BOLD.

 

 

And I am guessing that she does not share this desire for change? She does, and she doesn't. She'd like to try knew things but fears she can't for her back.

 

What is her view of watching porn with you? She doesn't dislike it. It's not her choice to watch it, but she doesn't mind. She finds it rather funny at times as to how unrealistic some things are (acting, locations etc). But we have watched it together and enjoyed it together. I guess the right answer would be to say she's open to it.

 

What has been her opinion of the different sexual experiences that you want to try? She's hesitant. She's rather modest whereas I'm extremely open.

 

What do you want to try that is different? Does it include other people? I can't help but answer this by saying I'd love to have another girl in our relationship at times. However, I know this will never happen and have accepted that. What I'd like is sex other than missionary or doggy in our bedroom. Other locations, other positions, other rooms even. I guess I'm kind of an exhibitionist. When we first started dating we had sex every where from in the car, to a park, the couch, balcony, it was endless sex in all places in all ways. I want that back.

 

Have you had sex with anyone besides the woman you are with? I've had two other partners. One was EXTREMELY conservative and the other was like dating a porn star. We did everything except group sex. My current gf is in the middle.... leaning towards the conservative side.

 

How has the discussion with your GF gone when you discussed this "problem" of yours...and I guess hers, too? To be honest I haven't discussed it. I know I should, but I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel obligated to do anything.

 

Do you think she enjoys sex with you or I should say, does she enjoy sex? And this is not a slam against your abilities. You mentioned her bad back...does that keep her from really enjoying it? Yes. She really enjoys sex alot. Part of the problem is she enjoys it too much. See, sex is great untill she starts to climax, and that's when her back tenses up and it starts to hurt her. But from the above question, you can tell that when we first started dating, she loved sex then too.

 

Can you stay with her if things never change? Yes. I don't want it to sound like a bad thing, but I am willing to sacrifice my own desires for her. Bottom line is I do in fact love her.