NYVixen Posted October 5, 2003 Posted October 5, 2003 Hi, I'm a 22 y/o girl, and I would greatly appriciate any advice on my situation. I have been dating this guy for almost 8 months. When we first met, we both were in long term relationships. Both of us claimed we were ready to leave, however, it was a lot harder for him to leave his girlfriend than it was for me to leave my boyfriend. Finally, a couple months ago, he made a final break from her, and committed himself to me. The problem now is that his ex girlfriend will not go away. In the past 2 months, she has showed up at his house, invited herself to gatherings, and made drunken scenes in public. I am at the end of the line with this. It was bad enough in the beginning that he had trouble letting go of her, and now this has made it impossible to hang out with his friends because she always shows up drunk and starts yelling at us. He has told her that he cannot be friends with her right now, that it is too difficult. And she keeps going on and on about how she doesn't understand why she can't be his friend. I don't view her behavior as friendly, it is rude and psychotic. I know that this is not directly his fault, but I suppose he could be stronger with her. I don't know how to handle this situation. I really want to be with this guy, but this girl is making my relationship a living nightmare. Can anybody please give some advice on how to handle this girl and this situation?? Thanks So Much
Ryan Posted October 5, 2003 Posted October 5, 2003 It's not your situation to handle. He is responsible for clearing ties with past romantic relationships and not letting them interfere with your current one. You need to be clear and direct with him about how inappropriate this is and how it affects you. The onus is on him.
Baubles Posted October 5, 2003 Posted October 5, 2003 wait, you say he made a break just a couple of months ago??? in which case, he was cheating on her w/ you? That is deplorable - I don't know why the poor girl would cry over someone like that. And what kind of woman, like you, would date a man w/ a girlfriend??? no wonder she's upset- besides, he may not have made such a clean break as you think...he may be having a tryst w/ her now and then and she's taking it as more and is upset when she finds out it's still not. Feel a little sympathy for the girl- most likely he'll treat you w/ the same behaviour in the future. in the interim, let him handle her- it doesn't concern you.
midori Posted October 5, 2003 Posted October 5, 2003 I think Baubles has hit it on the head. Regardless of what he told you when you two met, he was clearly NOT ready to end his relationship with her. You perhaps attributed the six months of him seeing both her and you to her clinging and refusing to see reason when he tried to extricate himself from the relationship -- but really, don't you think if he'd wanted to end it sooner he would have? Even if she was threatening to harm herself, he could have called the suicide hotline and alerted her family members to her state, and then left. You don't stay with someone just because you think they couldn't take if if you left. And if you do stay, it's not OK to cheat. Which is what he was doing with you. I think you need to open your eyes a bit about your bf. The ex is clearly unbalanced, but don't kid yourself that she just needs to get a grip. She does, but so do you. He does not sound like a trustworthy, responsible person.
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