Peter_pan Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Just a general question, i have never experienced a ldr and was wondering do they actually work? how often do you get to see them , and is it really worth it? are there simply to many complications? thanks
Cora Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Well, I will visit my SO for the very first time the end of March. We met online and have been in a ldr for eight months now. So I guess I can tell you then if it's worth it. I believe it is though!!! I know he makes me happy and everytime I hear his voice on the phone I am reminded of why I keep toughing this out. I know many people on this forum will tell you that it is so very worth it and that it CAN work. There are some people on here who are proof that ldr's work!! It's not easy at all let me assure you!! Some days can be very difficult.....you miss them terribly, insecurities start to set in etc...etc.... But I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world if it means that someday we will indeed finally be together! Also both people involved have to be willing to put in the effort or it will go downhill fast! So many others have been enduring there ldr's for much longer than me. There are some who have been in them for years and years and I so admire them!! So I'm sure they can give you some better feedback than what I am providing.
addictingpancake Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 i've been in a ldr for 1 year and 3 months now. a ldr will test how strong your relationship is. Sometimes they will work, then sometimes they won't. It just depends on the people, and how much they love, care for, and need eachother. As for how often you see eachother, it depends on your situation. For me, i haven't seen my bf this whole time. Others on the other hand are able to visit every weekend or so. It varies depending on distance, money, time, etc. complications: well yah.. sometimes the distance creates a lot of stress on the relationship. not being able to feel eachother's touch. Not being able to hug your SO after a bad day. It also requires a lot of trust. being in a ldr has caused me to worry a lot more about him, than what i normally would. I know my bf gets paranoid sometimes if i mention another guy. It's not that he doesn't trust me, just that he's not able to be here himself. I guess it's jealousy. Sometimes this may cause issues (luckily for me it hasn't, i think it's cute ^.^) but a strong relationship will make it through. There's other complications they may occur, concerning how often you see eachother irl, how often you communicate, etc. But like i said before, you get through it. (we're currently going through a problem with lack of communication, but i know in the end it will be ok) To me, it is definitely worth it. Without my SO idk what i would do. he means so much to me. And i'm sure many others feel the same way. then again, some people may say it's just too much work, and that it's not worth it. if you think it's too much work, then you probably just aren't meant to be with that other person. If you really are in love with eachother though, then it is most definitely worth it! hope this helped! ^.^
nittanylion Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I have dated my ex for 6 years closed distance, and end up going no where. We broke up. This is my first time in a LDR, and met her online. This coming Sunday, it will be one year for us being together. I have the best time of my life with my gf than my ex. despite the long distance. We spend at least 4 hrs per day chatting or texting or talking on the phone since I met her, and we never get bored of each other. lol! Its the most difficult relationship I have involved because of the 3000 miles and 3 hrs apart. It's very hard for us not being about to feel or touch or be together but we try our best to stay connected it. I have only seen my gf 2 times in since I met her. I have respected and admiration for those of you who have been in a LDR for more than 2 years. It's a long odds, and obstacles for us to make it. But we are willing to take a chance, and love each other very much. Hopefully, we ended our distance in Dec 2009.
LikeCharlotte Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I'm not sure what you mean by "do they work'? It is a gamble to enter any intimate relationship. I am happy even though I'd rather be closer. I don't know how it will all play out but I know that I feel very lucky despite the complications. I'm going to do whatever I have to to give it a real chance but nothing will guarantee the outcome. People used to tell me "you'll just know" when you meet someone who works for you... and I do. It's strange and frustrating but worth it for me.
Island Girl Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I met my DH in 2001. We were together everyday every moment we weren't working. In January 2003 we went LD. He was then 5600 miles away. It was a difficult transition. I went and saw him in July of 2003. Then we continued the LDR until 2006 when I went to his country and we were married. We then started the process of getting a visa for him to come back to the US. He just got his interview date for March 4th. We may have to push back the interview for a couple of weeks. (I hope not!!) But he should be here directly after that. (We are very hopeful.) I could never imagine finding someone who completely gets me. He does. We understand each other better than anyone in our whole lives ever has including our mothers! lol So is it worth it? Absolutely. Do LDRs work? In some cases yes and in some cases no. Just like any relationship.
Rollercoasterr Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Does a bear poop in the woods? Yes. Same answer applies here.
KikiW Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Whether it works or not depends on how committed the couple is on MAKING it work. Anything is possible, if given the right about of care and attention. You need to commit to be honest and communicate openly, work out any misunderstandings or miscommunications quickly, and make the effort to see each other when you can. I've been in an LDR since last summer, we've seen each other in person 3 times for long weekends, and we talk every day through texts, phone and Skype. We both have things we need to do before we can be together full time, but I think that us having about 1200 miles distance helps keep us focused on those things so when we CAN be together, it will be the right time. If we were closer together, I think things would be a lot messier. I'm not going to lie, it can be really tough. You want to feel their arms around you, you want to kiss them goodnight and wake up with them in the morning, you want to take a walk with them, or go food shopping with them, and you can't. But the reward is an incredibly close, intimate relationship. All that time spent talking and getting to know each other online or on the phone helps form an incredibly strong bond. Like all things however, it's a risk. But if you're both willing to put in the effort, it's totally worth it.
Author Peter_pan Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 good feed back there, when i said do they work i guess that was vague, i mean like can they work as well as a non ldr, do you still get that level of connection and all that jazz! yeah i guess its nice but can be frustrating due to not being able to see them and jealously etc. but i can imagine how awesome it is to finally see them and just to love each minute with them also @ island girl, do you not think that you only know each other so well due to the amount of time spent with the op ? or do some people just meet and "click" and it builds from that
Rollercoasterr Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Being in an LDR makes EVERYTHING difficult, but we do tend to know each other better in shorter amounts of time simply because we can't see each other face to face. You're forced to talk about anything and everything. Communication must be at an all time high level or it just wont work. The people I know here that are in LDR's are in the most loving, caring, and understanding relationships of anyone I know. I've been in both kinds of relationships and I have to say that I know my LD love better than any of the men I've been with that lived down the road from me.
Island Girl Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 also @ island girl, do you not think that you only know each other so well due to the amount of time spent with the op ? or do some people just meet and "click" and it builds from that I am sure there are couples who meet in person and just click from that - and build to the same level that I have in my relationship. But most that I know are not that close. Every married person I know has told me they would not do what I am doing for their spouse. And these are people who have been married over 10 years. In an LDR we have to really talk about everything. We have to explain our feelings instead of being able to just smile and give a "look" or gesture, etc.
flippinyank Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Whether long distance relationships work depends on the people involved. I met my fiance 3 years ago online, we were 5,000 miles apart. Now, I am living with him in his country temporarily to see if we get on IRL. We get along very well and I am now engaged to be married. I can say yes the hardwork of the LDR is worth it since I will be spending the rest of my life with my best friend. Communication, trust, commitment is key in any relationship. In the beginning I was insecure because I wasn't sure where we stood but we hashed it out and came to an understanding. It is easy for trivial things to get out of hand long distance, but if you keep each other in check and pick your battles you'll be fine. Also, we have been creative in staying connected and do activities as close to a normal couple IRL would do. If it weren't for skype I don't know if our relationship would survive. We call each other everyday, sometimes we coordinate meals together over webcam, we workout together, have movie dates, on holidays we keep the webcam on as it feel like as if he is really there. We even have a blog where we post about what we did that day, sometimes post videos. We send each other cards, gifts not necessarily on holiday but just to let each other know we are thinking of each other. LDR is not for the needy or one with a lot of emotional baggage that's for sure. I think it works for us because we are both independent. We have other interests/hobbies which keep us busy. Both have to put in 110%, and nothing less. No doubt LDR is hard work. As far as seeing each other when we are apart. It depends who can afford it. It worked out in such a way we would both swap and fly to see each other every 6 months. And we sprnd a total of a week to 3 weeks together. Now that marriage is down the road, we just have to decide who moves where. That is another thing...in an LDR that has to be a definite date when you two will be together IRL. An indefinite timeframe would be the demise of the relationship. I don't understand how people can drag an LDR for years and years. I knew one couple who were LDR for 7 years! As expected their relationship never went to the IRL stage.
Kristine Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Yes they can work. I have no been in one but my ex husband and his girlfriend were, they now live together, she relocated.
bravesgirl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 its tough especially when u don't know the person well. If ur game for a good long read...read my post in long distance relationships called, "one night stand to LDR with complications" and tell me what u think. Its messed up and I am very suspicious to whether they work or not. My situation may just be too screwy to work but others may. I need help with it really bad!!
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