Dudley Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Hello everyone, Nothing original here. I'm new but my story is practically the same as every other woman. I've finally found the courage to post because I need your support. I've been living in this secret world for the past 1.5 years and it is EXHAUSTING. Bare with me, it's a loong post. I met MM two years ago at work. He's about twenty years olders. It was not an instant attraction. In fact, if I ever saw him at a bar, I would never take a second look. He was a big flirt and he started flirting with me. It was all innocent fun in the beginning but then I became attracted to him. I didn't think the attraction was mutual especially since he was married. I never thought much about it. Innocent flirting led to texting which led to phonecalls. We started talking daily and it was addicting. I looked forward of his calls everyday. We'd even talk on our days off. The more I knew about him, the more I liked him. He asked me out to dinner one night after work and I went. We kissed passionately right after dinner and there was this huge rush that came over me. It was exciting and fun. Yet i knew he was married. No excuses on my end. I knew I f*ed up. The relationship, if you can even call it that, was very slow paced. We both knew it was wrong and we kept setting limits, only to break it eventually. A month into the relationship, I decided to break it off. I bought a plane ticket and took off for two weeks hoping that it will set my mind straight. It worked and we were normal for a whole month. But it was hard seing him at work everyday and we reconnected which made things even more steamy and hot. The relationship was great. He was like my work husband and we even brought lunch for each other. He brought his daughter to work one day which was a little awkward for me. I don't know what he was thinking. The three of us had lunch together. A few days later, I overheard from another co worker that he was not happy in his marriage, hitting a rough patch, and considering a divorce. I was sad to hear it so I made a few suggetions on how to rekindle their romance. Twisted right? Well it worked and him and his wife were back on track. He expressed he was falling for me but never used the L word. Things between us eventually became physical. Nine months into our relationship, I decided to end it abruptly again. I've let this affair go on way too long. It was all fun and exciting in the beginning but now it was too hard. I've fallen for him too and it was not part of the plan! This time, I took off for a whole month. It was impossible for him to reach me and I didn't reach him. When I returned home and turned on my cell, I received tons of texts and voicemails from him. In one of the vmail, he played me a love song in his guitar and serenaded me which was really sweet. I went back to work, two weeks later, we were inseperable again. I'm such a failure... Here I am today, 13 months since we first started the affair, trying my third attempt to END IT FOR GOOD. Only this time, I can't fly off somewhere and disappear due to financial probs. I knew from day one that there would be no future. I had no expectations and just went along for a ride. I don't regret ever meeting him because he is such a great man. I finally understand the meaning of a soul mate. He understands me and we get along so well. However, he is someone else's husband and I'm so exhausted having to live this secret world. I also feel like I deserve more, someone's 100% attention. I know right from wrong but it's still hard. It's only been 5 days and I feel so weak. I feel pathetic. Why do I want someone that I can't have? Trust me, I've read most of the threads here and I keep telling myself , putting myself in those scenarios. I tell myself, he's not really falling for me, he just said that to get in my pants. He's not my soul mate, he's someone else's. I'm replaceable to him and he will probably start another A as soon as a woman is interested. He doesn't really have real feelings for me... but it's still so hard... Any advice is appreciated here...
Athena Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think you have fallen hard for him and you suspect that he doesn't feel the same about you. You are obviously getting something out of this relationship, or else it wouldn't be continuing a year later. You have proved to yourself that breaking it off with him doesn't work... so if you are actually asking for advice on How to End it successfully... or are you only asking << Why do I want someone that I can't have? >> I dunno -- but one way of solving these issues might be to get hold of his wife and tell her everything -- this way, he would successfully end it with you, OR You COULD have him, since she would dump his sorry a$$. Clearly you don't have it in you to do that.
White Flower Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Did he reciprocate with the soulmate thing? If so, tell his wife and see who he clings to. Then you will know if you are his soulmate. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I felt like exMM and I were soul mates but I know if push came to shove he would have chosen his W. Do yourself the favor as soon as possible. If he hurts you by chosing his W, you WILL despise him and the anger will energize you and help you to move on. Don't stay in the sad state that you are in. Sad makes you stay.
Deegee Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Dudley, Do yourself a HUGE favor, and get out NOW!!!! This man is NOT in love with you. IF he truly was, he would never put you (and keep you) in this situation. And if this was meant to be, it'll be. You're setting yourself up for more heartache. I know, been there (3.5 years), done that. Until he's proven to you that this is truly what he wants (and he'll make it known by his actions), I say save yourself a lot of hurt and pain,and let this man go. I've been told the same thing, and wasted 3 years on a man that I believed to be my soul mate. What a bunch of malarkey! And when I tried to have another relationship, then the name calling started, and his true feelings were revealed, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. But it brought to light the real person, and it made me utterly sad to see that I had wasted my life and time on someone so manipulative, and mean. The longer you stay, the harder it will be. I believe that the reason that I looked for another relationship was that I had reached my end. I no longer wanted to be his 2nd choice, I no longer wanted to feel like my life didn't matter, and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted, and deserved so much more. I'm sad that it ended with him thinking that I was a liar and a cheat (how ironic), but truly what goes around comes around, eh?!
White Flower Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Dudley, Do yourself a HUGE favor, and get out NOW!!!! This man is NOT in love with you. IF he truly was, he would never put you (and keep you) in this situation. And if this was meant to be, it'll be. You're setting yourself up for more heartache. I know, been there (3.5 years), done that. Until he's proven to you that this is truly what he wants (and he'll make it known by his actions), I say save yourself a lot of hurt and pain,and let this man go. I've been told the same thing, and wasted 3 years on a man that I believed to be my soul mate. What a bunch of malarkey! And when I tried to have another relationship, then the name calling started, and his true feelings were revealed, and believe me, it wasn't pretty. But it brought to light the real person, and it made me utterly sad to see that I had wasted my life and time on someone so manipulative, and mean. The longer you stay, the harder it will be. I believe that the reason that I looked for another relationship was that I had reached my end. I no longer wanted to be his 2nd choice, I no longer wanted to feel like my life didn't matter, and I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanted, and deserved so much more. I'm sad that it ended with him thinking that I was a liar and a cheat (how ironic), but truly what goes around comes around, eh?! Great post! Are you still with the second guy?
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