monkeymaid Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 1st off, thank you to this board for just being here. reading everyone elses stories puts mine in perspective and showed me exactly what i needed to do but i am in a new scenario that i havent found much about on this website. ....so, my ex and i went out on a date (this was the 3rd time weve hung out on good terms but the 1st official date). we had sushi, went to get ice cream, then hiked to a waterfall in the middle of the night. we had sex, and talked alot about "us". she is still in love, i am still in love, but she told me that she wasnt sure if i was it for her and that she doesnt want to get hurt again, and doesnt want me to get hurt. ...only 1 of her friends knows that weve been hanging out, and she has told my ex that you can be head over heals in love with someone and they are still wrong for you. my ex took it as heeded advice from her craziest friend that is super unstable, but non judgemental. so i know i just have to keep my end of the relationship up to get her to come around, but i am doubting myself, as she has been talking to other guys, and been out on a few dates. i ALWAYS keep my composure and give her as much space as she wants (she doesnt know i know she is dating, but we were friends for 5 years and i know her really well). she only has sex with me still, but i am starting to feel the pressure that she may actually try to give someone else a chance. i did break up with her though, so she can do whatever she wants, but how do i get her soo attracted to me that she wont want to even think about thinking about anyone else?? <----not a typo. can i do that? we talked like we were going to have a future together on our little date, but we both had some doubts. basically, at what point do i bring up getting back officially? she needs to feel free to do what she wants, but i want her to want to be back. do i just keep plugging along like i have been? and accept that she will date other guys till she trusts me again? do i need to put myself in the line of fire and hope she doesnt shoot me in the heart? essentially like i did when i broke up with her? i want to stay in control, but do i give her the ball or do i hang on to it and tease her with it? how can i make this permanent??
hopethisworks Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 how do i get her soo attracted to me that she wont want to even think about thinking about anyone else?? <----not a typo. can i do that? Nope. I dont see the harm in just telling her your feelings though, but you have to make the timing right. I can kinda relate with you, cause over the past few days I broke NC with my ex, and began going down the same path as you. In my case though, she is dating someone else, and still professes her feelings towards me. I was suprised to hear her tell me that she had been talking to her friend about wanting to get back with me (especially since her friend is a mutual friend to her new b/f). Im in no way an expert to these kind of things, but at this point you have nothing left to lose, seeing that you are no longer together anyways. Being that you were the one that broke up with her, "hanging out the ball and teasing her with it," is probably the worst thing you could do. Tell her how you really feel.
Author monkeymaid Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 i just dont want to come across as a sappy overemotional putz that has thought about nothing except us getting back together. i want her to realize that i mean business more than i want her to hear it out of my mouth. as i want her to show me as well. up until this point i have laid all the ground work as i should have cuz i broke it off,but at what point do i stop working and see if shes going to come to me? how do i do that? do i wait for a call? do i wait for her to ask me out again? or do i keep planning outings and inviting her? and should i keep calling once every few days?when can i expect a balance of sorts to come back into play. ...she really doesnt want to get hurt again and i understand that, but eventually we have to both put in effort. when is a good time to expect that?
EasyHeart Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think you have to treat this as a new relationship and treat her as if she was a girl you just might. Obviously, it's different because you have a long history, but you essentially have to start over again. So keep contacting her every few days and keep planning things to do together, and then watch for signs from her before you move on to kissing, etc. From your post, my only warning is that it may actually be too soon to try again. If she's young and 'curious', there's really nothing you can do to change that. I've gotten together again with exes twice. The first time, we didn't see each other for almost 2 years, so when we got together again, we were different people. The other time, I pushed her to get back together with me a few months after we broke up. She was reluctant, but I pursued. That one ended badly after a couple months.
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