Lucky555 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 My friend has been seeing a guy and shes in a relationship with him too. I have watched her play hard to get. She doesn't go online as much...shes hidden but still talks to me. She always waits for him to make the move She always lets him chose and lead. She does state her opinions sometimes Now this has landed her in a committed relationship with a decent guy. But why did she have to play hard to get to get what she wanted! I myself started doing this with a guy. I have not been available, i wait for him to contact me, and i dont always reply to his messages when he sends them on the same day. Before i have wished he would contact me, i wished he would make some moves. Now i find if i wait he makes the moves i have wanted him to make..but i have to play hard to get. its very puzzling. Also as i reflect back on guys i have dated I was usually unavailable a lot but not meaning to be this way. So now i am making an effort to be unavailable and its getting him to make more contact with me. He is even accounting my interests when before he was not. (i like it) Could it be i have to give him a chance to miss me? does it add mystery WHAT IS IT!
BCCA Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Men really DON'T like girls playing hard to get, at least I don't, but there is something to be said about keeping things interesting and creating a mystery. It depends on the guy, and how he feels about you though. Some guys, when they have a decent interest level, will follow along with this kind of stuff. Me personally, if I get even the slightest feeling that a girl is purposefully playing hard to get, I'm done. Personally, anytime you have to play a game, I feel like youre not being yourself. I want someone to fall for me, the real me, not who I pretend to be so I can keep them interested. You really cant play hard to get forever, and keep someone interested. Everyone has a tolerance level. Be yourself. Not everyone will like who you are, but everyone that matters will.
manugeorge Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 You want to pace yourself in a new relationship. Don't play hard to get but don't be clingy either. You don't want to call a guy every day of the week when he only calls you one day a week. Which would make sense because I don't know why/how you would fall for someone who only shows minimal interest in you. Treat the guys you date like actual human beings...I know it's a radical thought:eek:. Treat them like you would want to be treated. Make as many "moves" and show as much interest as you would want them to show you. If you would want him to hide his status when he's online so you don't know he is really online, then by all means do the same. If you would want him not to return your calls/texts promptly, then don't return his calls/texts promptly. Put the shoe on the other foot. If you don't want to beg for his attention, then common sense would say you shouldn't make him beg for yours.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 I am being myself and i want the guy to be himself as well. Playing hard to get is a game i know. However, my friend does have a great guy and they are happy together. She spends about 4 days out of the week at his place. Sometimes i think a guy knows the girl is available and doesn't appreciate until he knows shes not always sooo available. I think this is what my friend is doing. I think it keeps things interesting to not have someones day planned and predicted and this maybe what its about. I'm not currently dating the guy i speak of. Its in the early stages still and I am just taking it with a grain of salt. Im not bending over backwards to get to my e-mail to read what he says. If i have time i have time if not then i dont. He can always call if he really needs to contact me, i will answer and not just ignore his call. However, i think there is some truth to being hard to get and men liking the chase.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Lucky, if it takes you playing games to land the guy, he's not worth landing. You'll find that guys like this are more interested in the chase, than having a mature relationship. More than anything, I'm guessing your friend's guy was very interested in the first place, so he played along. Also, it's one thing to play hard to get and another to be hard to get. Don't settle.
LovieDove24 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Every guy on here will say that they DON'T like women who play hard to get. They are on the defense because stating it as such insinuates that they're getting "played." Now with that being said, they will rephrase it as such like BCCA did. They like mystery and intrigue. If you want the honest truth, what you need to do is be slow. Not quick. Maybe thats something both parties can agree on. You need to be slow to unfold your personality, slow to respond cuz girl you're busy! and slow to let a man become your priority. This way, its not so much like game playing as it is self preservation. You have to prioritize yourself first before you can let someone else in. Essentially, I think this is what men are looking for. playing and theres nothing
Author Lucky555 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Every guy on here will say that they DON'T like women who play hard to get. They are on the defense because stating it as such insinuates that they're getting "played." Now with that being said, they will rephrase it as such like BCCA did. They like mystery and intrigue. If you want the honest truth, what you need to do is be slow. Not quick. Maybe thats something both parties can agree on. You need to be slow to unfold your personality, slow to respond cuz girl you're busy! and slow to let a man become your priority. This way, its not so much like game playing as it is self preservation. You have to prioritize yourself first before you can let someone else in. Essentially, I think this is what men are looking for. playing and theres nothing this is what i mean. Its being slow! Thanks. I knew there was someone who understood. Its not that i am playing a game its being SLOW! I will def continue being slow with guys. I actually think it helps me to put things into perspective.
yeex Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Yes, slow is it. I agree with that. Sometimes it is hard to be slow and you do not want to and it may take some effort, but as a whole it is best for both people and the relationship. This is kinda a cheesy analogy but a flower takes time to fully bloom, if you give it too much light or water at the beginning it will die and never fully bloom. It is all a balancing act. Also obviously as everyone knows by now having your own life independent of the relationship will naturally make things slower and give it time to bloom if it is balanced properly.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I always multi-date whenever possible. Hard to get doesn't work with me. If one woman starts doing that, my attention will shift over to the other ones that are not playing hard to get. Men have a similar point of view. There's a lot gender symmetry. Men tend to act disinterested because if we are fully committed and available, then women would put us in their back pocket while they shop around. Is that true? Probably sometimes. Just like women playing hard to get. Sometimes it'll work, sometimes it won't. It's just a matter of picking a game/angle/approach you're comfortable with, then the next level would be picking the right approach, since it differs with each individual. But the "next level" requires a lot of experience, ability to read social cues, and certain amount of psychic power. I'm certainly not there. Working on it.
39388 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Some males and some females like to play games. Apparently a lot do. I think playing these games with people's emotions is really disgusting, but much of the population disagrees. There seem to be a lot of stress in many cases between those who like the games and those who hate the games.
pandagirl Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Purposefully playing hard to get is lame, in my opinion. Now, having your own life, a social life and interests outside of your boyfriend/girlfriend may inadvertently make you "hard to get," but really it's just attractive because it makes you look like a confident, happy person who isn't needy!
northstar1 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Purposefully playing hard to get is lame, in my opinion. Now, having your own life, a social life and interests outside of your boyfriend/girlfriend may inadvertently make you "hard to get," but really it's just attractive because it makes you look like a confident, happy person who isn't needy! Very true, it's all about balance between your own life, and getting to know someone else in a geniune fashion. I think it's also all about people feel that there is always a 'slightly better deal' out there when dating. And it seems to be getting worse and worse I don't know if it has been exacerbated by shows like Sex and the City, The Hills, etc and online media like internet dating, but it seems that a lot of people want to have options. They want to date, but also want to keep shopping for something that might just fit that ideal, perfect idealized partner (Hot, Smart, Successful, Romantic, Mysterious, Trendy). When all the criteria do not measure up in someone, then they will begin to look elsewhere, hence when the 'hard to get' behaviour comes in. They don't quite want all the attention to vanish (the ego likes attention), but they also want it to be at arm's length, while they can look for something 'better' Multi-dating is both the problem and solution to it. Keeping your options open allows you to not only not put "All Your Eggs in one Basket", it also minimizes disappointment if one doesn't work out, but it also keeps the myth going that looking in enough stores you'll find soomething even better than the one you have now.
Woggle Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Some people men and women have a subconcious need to chase what is unavailable.
blondesmiler Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I think that alot (not all) guys do not want to be totally responsable (esp in beginning) for some girls only social outlet and be scared that he will lose more or less all of his freetime, so a girl will try perhaps to convey that she cannot see him and is busy, although she prob would love to see him that very day she cannot, because then if you are too avaliable, he gets scared and bored. Donno if that makes sense I am knackered should really go to bed!
You'reasian Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I don't persue a girl who plays hard to get.
clv0116 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I won't put up with it. There's hard to get and then at the other end of the spectrum is the human equivalent of cling wrap. Neither is appealing to most guys, although I tend to prefer the cling wrap end of the spectrum. Simpler for me since I live a busy life.
ruggy Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Can't stand when they do that. Not worth the time.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 I have changed my terms of "hard to get" to being "slow" Otherwise not being like "cling wrap" but not being "too available either" If the guy is interested he will pursue which is exactly what happened when i just stopped talking to him for few days. I think i should make into a give and take. Otherwise being slower to get around to things, and take it with a grain of salt. "Don't put my eggs all in one basket" he could be dating others as well, i don't know so i have to keep my options open and be slow.
collegekid491 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Guys don't like when girls play hard to get. We also don't like when they are clingy. Maybe playing hard to get for you is waiting a day to reply to a message instead of within 10 min. If a girl pushes me constantly for contact, its done, if she refuses to contact me ever, its done, if she actually lives a life aside from me and doesn't need my constant assurance I'm interested every few hours, its good to go!
Lizzie60 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think people get mixed up with 'playing hard to get' and being independant.. The first one is a 'highschoolish' game.. the second is a great quality some people attain with emotional maturity.
OpenBook Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 It's been my experience and observation that guys tend to fall HARD for the girls who don't give two hoots about them. She's not playing hard to get, or anything else... she simply does not care. This drives men crazy.
Lizzie60 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 It's been my experience and observation that guys tend to fall HARD for the girls who don't give two hoots about them. She's not playing hard to get, or anything else... she simply does not care. This drives men crazy. I agree.. and men who don't care, drive women crazy.. crazy world.
BCCA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I agree.. and men who don't care, drive women crazy.. crazy world. Everyone loves a challenge
ruggy Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 For women, it is called the Sex and the City syndrome, and it is an epidemic. They all, well most, think they are gods (lol) gift to men and can continue to upgrade. However, this eventually does change. Once, when they are not as attractive and are showing their age the pickings become slimmer. All the guys they walked all over are now married with a family and they are just like the four women in Sex and the city. On the other side, for the men that treat women like ****, they also get what's coming to them. Eventually their looks or attributes start to fade or they loose their power status. Its a never ending cycle nowadays. Of course, for them men who were tramped on, they now become the men who no longer give a **** about the women. See, it doesn't end. Well, unless, the men who were tramped on forget about relationships just do ONS and say the hell with it. Thats New York City for you. Welcome to New York City. Enjoy your stay.
Recommended Posts