Kasan Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 A ton of advice from people who ended up getting divorced. Be pessimistic and crash and burn. Be optimistic and there is hope. Your mindset, will be your reality. Sorry for the tj, but it's nice to see you back here with your positive support and advice.
Author wifesgone Posted March 31, 2009 Author Posted March 31, 2009 Just a quick update. After all the I don't want to contact you bs on friday, I said fine. Don't expect me to call come over, help, email or anything else. You are on your own now. She calls me at 5:45am Saturday morning. "Hey baby, I am cooking breakfast if you want to come over, we can spend the day together" I told her "no thank you I have alot to get done today and I am going out with some friends tonight" All day long my phone rang, I answered a couple of times and she was begging me to come over. I just kept on doing what I was doing. I let her think about it. I actually had fun Sat night. I went out with some freinds and ran into some old flames, one actually asked why didn't we stay together, I said because you were a party girl, she said not any more, tried to get me to let her stay at my house, said we should get back together, start dating again, but I said no. I am still going to give it more time. Anyway it felt good to get out and have a little fun. All week she has been calling and emailing me trying to get me to come see her. I think I'll give her a little more time. After all she did tell me she just paid next month rent. She has atleast a month before she is coming home, so I'll have fun until then. And no not by cheating, we are still married, that is something I could never do, under any circumstances. I do have a question for some. How long should I let her sit there thinking before I go see her (she's been gone for 6 weeks now).
Author wifesgone Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 Well she just told me she is coming home tomorrow. We'll see I guess.
SRV Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 Well she just told me she is coming home tomorrow. We'll see I guess. Hope it goes well, be cautiously optimistic. Let us know how it goes.
Author wifesgone Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 I will be very cautious. She told me she had drawn up the divorce papers today and realized that isn't what she wants to do. She wants to come home and work out our problems. I'll keep updating. But to make a complete 180 in 3 hours I don't understand that at all. One minute drawing up papers and the next wanting to come home.
Owl Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I'd set a STRONG boundary here. If you're coming home, that means you're committed to working on our marriage. That means you drop the divorce papers...BEFORE you come home. DO NOT LET HER BACK INTO YOUR HOME IF SHE'S NOT COMMITTED TO WORKING ON THE MARRIAGE.
PWSX3 Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Actions speak louder then words!!!!!! Their is a reason she is wanting to come back, make sure you find why...
Author wifesgone Posted April 2, 2009 Author Posted April 2, 2009 I'd set a STRONG boundary here. If you're coming home, that means you're committed to working on our marriage. That means you drop the divorce papers...BEFORE you come home. DO NOT LET HER BACK INTO YOUR HOME IF SHE'S NOT COMMITTED TO WORKING ON THE MARRIAGE. She is a paralegal. She did the papers herself. She was leaving everything to me. I saw them. They have been shredded. SHe has told her landlord she is moving out. She has no idea how much money we have. It is all cash now. I'll give it some time and see how things go before introducing that back. I have to protect myself right? She is comitted to working out our problems and working on her mental problems. One reason I am allowing it righ tnow it my step son. I was in the process of adopting him but it was never finalized. I have spoken to an attorney. I am going through with the adoption so that I have LEGAL rights to him. SHe has mental problems without a doubt, she just doesn't take her meds like she is supposed to. I want to help her through them whatever it takes. But if it goes south again, I won't be as willing to work it out. I am just protecting myself and my children. I will not leave myself wide open again.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 She is a paralegal. She did the papers herself. She was leaving everything to me. I saw them. They have been shredded. SHe has told her landlord she is moving out. She has no idea how much money we have. It is all cash now. I'll give it some time and see how things go before introducing that back. I have to protect myself right? She is comitted to working out our problems and working on her mental problems. One reason I am allowing it righ tnow it my step son. I was in the process of adopting him but it was never finalized. I have spoken to an attorney. I am going through with the adoption so that I have LEGAL rights to him. SHe has mental problems without a doubt, she just doesn't take her meds like she is supposed to. I want to help her through them whatever it takes. But if it goes south again, I won't be as willing to work it out. I am just protecting myself and my children. I will not leave myself wide open again. I wouldnt trust her, completely ...yet. Is she willing to sign a post-nup??? Why the change of heart all of a sudden?
Author wifesgone Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Just a quick update. She has been home for 3 weeks now.. So far so good on the communications side. Sex has been really slow but she started taking her meds like she was supposed to so I am hoping that is the deal with her low sex drive. I will get past it. Anyway the sex is picking back up some this week. It has cost a lot of money for her to go out buy a whole house full of furniture and have to get rid of it but her sister who had moved in with her is getting her own place so we are giving it to her. Things are still not 100%, I still get mad ocasionally but have not yelled yet. I sold 2 of my businesses to employees to have 2 times as much time at home. ANy of you that have your doubts, stick in there. We are not completely better but are well on our way to being in love again. It is a hard road and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but you can pull through this if both of you really want to. It will get much worse before it gets better.
TrustInYourself Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I'm happy for you! Threads of reconciliation are far and few between. Keep up the positive mindset, because you survived something most marriages do not survive. LOL, it will never be easy. Two people choosing to be mutually and totally exclusive to one another completely? It's damn near impossible, but you are wiser and more equipped for your future together. Make it a good future. Best wishes and good luck.
Gunny376 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Pull up! Pull Up WG There's a Zero on your tail! A MIG -29 on your six! PM me!
Author wifesgone Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Pull up! Pull Up WG There's a Zero on your tail! A MIG -29 on your six! PM me! PM sent Gunny, Go on and lay your wisdom on me. :eek:
carhill Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Yes, and share it with us. It's easy to be unilaterally supportive or skeptical but finding reasoning for a balanced approach is often more difficult. Happy to learn
Author wifesgone Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Gunny this is the reason, I let her come back without any further thought, and with much persuassion from my attorney. We have a 6 year old daughter, and she has a 9 year old son from a previous marriage. I have been his "daddy" since he was 8 months old, he hasn't seen his father since he was 18 months old. I was 2 weeks away from having him adopted when she left. I have no legal or parental rights to him if I don't adopt him. He didn't even want to stay with her while we were separated, and when she left she left the kids with me, I had them 11 out of 13 weeks. My plans are to go through with my adoptions and if she leaves again I will win full custody of both children (other things in the mix that are on my side) . Now I have full intentions of working out our marriage and don't see her leaving again in the near future anyway, but I couldn't live with myself not seeing my BOY or having no rights as he hasn't seen his father/sperm doner since he was a baby. The kids are my only concern, I don't worry about me too much and I wouldn't worry about her at all if she left. But the kids on the other hand are just that, they need and deserve a good life/family. I know this sounds twisted somewhat, but I have to protect myself and my children, no matter what happens. I may as well prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Does this make sense?
Gunny376 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Sounds like a man doing what he has to do ~ to do the right thing. Sounds to me like a 'man' ~ putting on the big boy britches and "maning-up" I was wondering why you would want to subject yourself to what it would take to make this work over the long haul.
carhill Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 What's healthy for dad is healthy for son and daughter. Pay attention to yourself. Your children are
Author wifesgone Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Sounds like a man doing what he has to do ~ to do the right thing. Sounds to me like a 'man' ~ putting on the big boy britches and "maning-up" I was wondering why you would want to subject yourself to what it would take to make this work over the long haul. A man's got to do what a man's got to do. And I realize it is going to take alot of work to make this work. I am up to it though. Having said that I also realize there is life on the other side too. If things head for the dumps again, I will survive. No need in subjecting myself to further pain when I can protect myself before hand, if it come down to it. I will be a stronger and a much more informed man in the future. I learn from my mistakes, and I have made plenty of them. Now I guess I am off to live yet another chapter in my life. We will see how it goes.
Pradajunkie Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I will be a stronger and a much more informed man in the future. I learn from my mistakes, and I have made plenty of them. Now I guess I am off to live yet another chapter in my life. We will see how it goes. Best of luck to you! I hope it works out how you want it too!
delajoonal Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 wifesgone... i have been reading your posts from day one... and i have to say, i am VERY happy for you:) i am glad to see that there are still people who believe in second chances and the covenant of marrrage. (wish my dh did) Good Luck;) p.s. keep us post, K;)
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