morrisd1 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 SO...My boyfriend is 29 and I am 25. We have been together for 2.5 years off and on. During the times we've broken up, he has seen other people, which he was free to do, but when we got back together I was in constant fear that he would leave me for someone else. A huge insecurity cloud grew over my head and so here we are right now, today. We have recently got into a fight about our sex life. I feel like when he tells me "no" its because something is wrong with me, I'm not pretty enough, good enough, etc. I just feel really insecure and like my self-esteem has been beaten out of me. After our argument, we took 2 days to ourselves to think and then got back together and talked about things on 2 seperate occassions. He then decided he needed "space" to think things through because he feels like we keep putting in 100% and then the relationship keeps failing in some way shape or form. I told him if he wanted space then he could not contact me while he needed "space" and that we would get together this coming weekend to talk things over. He agreed. Yesterday, I received an email from him telling me he had lost a check I had given him and he wanted me to write him out another one because he was short of money until Friday. I asked him if he was ready to talk over things and he said he really didnt have the time because he had to take a class for his work until 10 that evening. I told him I would give him the check in exchange for an adult conversation and to decide what we were going to do, work things out or end it right here, right now. He got really mad and wrote back "It was hard enough for me to even ask your for a check and now your gonna act like this? I dont need your money, heck, I dont need anyone". I wrote back and apologized and explained to him that I felt like he was trying to get the money from me and run from the hills with no closure. He understood and told me he didnt care about the money so much and that we would talk TONIGHT when he gets off of work. I got home from work yesterday and got on Facebook. Within 30 minutes he AIM's me and tells me that he was sorry for earlier and he should have taken everything out on me. He was having a horrible day and was in a "funk" and apologized for us having problems. I told him that all he needed to do was to trust me and we could work things out (he feels likes im going to cheat on him because im not happy with our sex life..which is not even true...just dont handle the word "no" very well, but im willing to work on that and change). He said he didnt know and felt like we were just "putting icing on a burnt cake" and he said that he had a "wall up, higher then ever" and he wasnt sure If I would be able to deal with that. I told him I would take some responsibility for that. At the end of the convo, I asked him if he was breaking up with me and trying to let me down easy and he said "no, we just need to sit down and talk tomorrow" and I agreed. So here we are, 7:33AM EST on the day we are suppose to talk and I am freaking out. I am not sure how to approach "the talk". I don't want to push him away and I dont want to keep saying "lets work it out, lets just work it out" cause I know that will force him a way too. Anyone have any ideas how to deal with this?
wowIlose Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Say what you need to say. Listen to what he has to say. Give it a few weeks and see if anything has changed. Reassess the situation and go from there. Just don't get into an argument. Keep it civil and don't pressure him or corner him and you'll be fine. Good luck.
carhill Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 OP, some brief advice.... When you listen, allow complete thoughts, retain and reflect back what you hear. Don't interrupt. Big problem for me. That happened a lot in MC Stay current....Keep the "talk" in the present. Minimize re-hashing of the past. Use examples to connect with present issues, but don't elaborate or dwell. Look forward, not back. Project where you want to be, not where you've been. It's harder than you think Is BF an avoider? Are you? Did you see other people while "broke up"? If so, how did that go?
Author morrisd1 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 I have not seen anyone else in the past 2.5 years other then him, no desire. I honestly love him deeply and want to be with him always. I have that "forever" king of love for him. I just don't like when he wants to take a breather for a week to thing this over, and yes...he is an avoider, but he's getting better and I commended him for that last week when we talked. He just texted me to see if 7 was still ok for tonight, I told him yes...
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