skyla002 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Why am i like this? im19 and Whenever a older married man say around late 30s to 40s trys to help me out with anything, i always end up sexually attracted to them and end up sleeping with them or kissing them, why does this happen? My best mates dad was like a dad 2 me but then i started to have feelings for him and we had an affair but it stopped because i moved away. My boss was always there for me could talk to him about anything and helped me through alot, same thing happpend. A close police man friend helped me through alot and know im sexually attracted to him, and theres been quite a few others. do you think maybe its because when i was 13 my youth leader who i was really close to started touchig me and we had an affair? Also i got my heart broken terribly by a bf when i was 16 and never been able to have a relationship thats lasted longer then a month now. Also suffered severe depression. Why am i like this??
Chinook Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I think maybe it would be a good idea for you to seek counselling. You're getting involved with unavailable men and so doomed to repeat the cycle of failure in each relationship. This is a two-sided issue. You're setting yourself up for failure by becoming involved (and we actually do have control over our emotions) with these men. By doing that though, you're also able to provide yourself with some distance where you aren't required to commit to them either and you can run or drop them at a moment's notice and they don't have any recourse to do anything about it because they are already taken. One day, one of these guys will shock you and walk away from his wife and family and you will feel even crappier than you did to start with. I don't know whether it's due to the situation when you were younger, or whether it's screwed up parenting, a broken home etc etc. There are myriad issues which contribute to these issues. I don't think it's helpful or healthy to simply identify and eliminate one. What you have to understand is, you can't change the past. You can only learn to deal with the future more appropriately. Counselling will help you to do that.
Athena Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 You are like this because you see yourself like this. As not capable of having a decent relationship. Look, there's nothing wrong with having a relationship with an older man that you are attracted to (perhaps you like their maturity and ease, comfort, and wisdom that comes with their age) However you should stay away from married men. Because you are setting yourself up for failure. You do realize that you will not have a happy relationship with a man that is not fully available to you, right? So stop allowing yourself to get close to that type. I am sure there are plenty of older single men available to get involved with! You are still very young at 19 to not have your Ways set in stone -- you can still change. You have begun that process by recognizing that there is a problem, and asking yourself about it. I think counseling is a good start, yes. But you can also help yourself. Just make your boundaries strong -- that is a good start. You don't allow yourself, from now on, to do something that is going to be bad for you, ok? No more affairs. No more married men. That is going to be your 1st boundary, and NO crossing that line. Quit wasting your time and effort with men who are already taken by others. The temporary thrill you get out of being noticed by them is just not worth the hurt to your self-esteem and sense of self-worth when the affair is over and you begin to feel like you were used, or that there is 'something wrong' with you for not being wanted for who you are. It's easy -- the first step is to tell yourself you will NOT get involved with that type anymore. Ever. Remove yourself from being available to them.
desertmoon Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Very common among young girls molested by adults. They believe ( and they do not even have to think about it consciously) that older men are the only ones who can give them validation/approval and only through sex. Please seek professional help.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I think it goes back further than 13. What was your relationship like with your father?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Love addict with daddy issues seriously. Getting to the root of your problems is what you should do immediately.
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