dashing daisy Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 So I started dating this guy in the beginning of November last year. Everything seemed to be going well, we went on about 7 dates before Christmas vacation in December, when he went home to another country, and I was out of town. We slept together after the 5th date. During vacation he called me about every other day just to chat. We talked quite a bit over break. Then we get back, he calls, we go out a few more times. One night we go out for dinner, and then he wants to go for drinks afterwards. He brings up the conversation that he is dating me exclusively, and I say, well if you wanted to date other people you could, and he says but I really like you, I don't want to date anyone else and then he looked kind of upset. So I said, well I'm not saying I want you to, I like you too I'm not dating anyone else. We go back to his apartment, I end up sleeping over. In the morning we wake up, we cuddle for a few hours, then he has to get in to work so he gets up to take a shower, I get dressed, he kisses me and says he'll see me soon, and I leave. Next week he calls me on Thursday night, leaves a message. When I don't pick up he calls again an hour later, and I pick up, we talk for about 20 minutes. He says he's going to New York for the weekend with some of his friends, but we should definitely go out next weekend, and he'll call me on saturday to check in and let me know how things are going. I say don't worry about it, just have fun with your friends, I'll talk to you when you get back. He calls me on saturday from New York, we talk for a few minutes, he says his friends are waiting for him so he has to go, he'll call when he gets back into town. And then....he doesn't call the next week. I'm busy so I don't worry about it. Next week I'm thinking about him so I call him once, leave a message saying I just wanted to see how your trip to New York was, hope you're doing well. He doesn't call back. Then...okay, I know this is stupid, but I called again the next week...I say I just want to see how he's doing, give me a call back when you get a chance. Nothing. So he's clearly blowing me off, I'm not calling agian. But what the heck?? Why did he bring up not wanting to see other people and then just stop calling me? And after 3 months why can't he just call and say hey I don't want to see you anymore? I clearly liked the guy, I made time for him for 3 months, and he couldn't even call...or at least write a lame text? What is that about?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Wow...just, wow. If what he did was intentional, then that really is crappy. But have you considered other possibilities? Somebody very close to him could have gotten hurt or passed away and he's dealing with that. Maybe HE got seriously hurt. Wasn't it that movie "An Affair to Remember" when someone got stood up and it turned out the person that didn't show had gotten hit by a car? Do you know anybody mutually that might know what's going on with him? That you could ask if they've seen him around and if he's okay - you're just concerned because you haven't heard from him. Are you sure he even made it back from NY? Anyway - if he DID dump you by ignoring you, it's possible he felt you were being a little distant with him. Holding him at arms' length by telling him he didn't have to be exclusive with you, by telling him he didn't have to call you - just have fun with his friends (which really, to some people can translate to, "Crap - I was hoping to get a break from you since you'll be out of town.") I hope it's nothing bad and maybe just a severe misunderstanding.
Chinook Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Um, reading your writing of the situ, I had it down that you come off to him as being pretty disinterested in him, so he moved on. That's what it appeared like to me. As the poster has said above, it does look like you put an awful lot of distance between you and it does seem to me that you appeared less bothered with the relationship than he was, so he's simply decided not to put any more energy into it..?! Would he seem the kind of person to do that...?! I'm not sure what to advise as we don't know the whole story - but it is important for you to think about how you come over with guys. Not wanting to be clingy and saying 'it's okay, just have fun with other people who aren't me' can come over like you aren't bothered.
ruggy Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Well, Daisy, you are not alone. My and my last woman broke up via e-mail. It sucks but some people just do not care about the other one. When things stop being dreamy and become a bit more challenging, it seems more and more people (men and women) choice the lighter road and bail instead of facing the issues at hand. As many people here tell me, just suck it up and move on. Then again, the woman was a whack job.
calazhage Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Actually, good for him.. He dated you 3 months, and you could not even give a straight answer about being exclusive yet? I am sure he was disappointed with your answer. It just gets to the point where it seems things might be a waste of time, then it is a huge let down when those thoughts are confirmed. .
northstar1 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Actually, good for him.. He dated you 3 months, and you could not even give a straight answer about being exclusive yet? I am sure he was disappointed with your answer. It just gets to the point where it seems things might be a waste of time, then it is a huge let down when those thoughts are confirmed. . I agree. After 3 months (and I'm presuming at 10 dates?), if you don't have some idea that you are looking to move into something exclusive, then there is a lack of total interest with one of you. At this point, time is just being wasted. I understand that it can take a while of casual dating before you have an idea of the compatibility with someone (and this is why multi-dating in the beginning is a good way not to get hung up on one person too fast). I've been on both sides of the coin.
Author dashing daisy Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Wow...just, wow. If what he did was intentional, then that really is crappy. But have you considered other possibilities? Somebody very close to him could have gotten hurt or passed away and he's dealing with that. Maybe HE got seriously hurt. Wasn't it that movie "An Affair to Remember" when someone got stood up and it turned out the person that didn't show had gotten hit by a car? Do you know anybody mutually that might know what's going on with him? That you could ask if they've seen him around and if he's okay - you're just concerned because you haven't heard from him. Are you sure he even made it back from NY? Anyway - if he DID dump you by ignoring you, it's possible he felt you were being a little distant with him. Holding him at arms' length by telling him he didn't have to be exclusive with you, by telling him he didn't have to call you - just have fun with his friends (which really, to some people can translate to, "Crap - I was hoping to get a break from you since you'll be out of town.") I hope it's nothing bad and maybe just a severe misunderstanding. Yes, I know he's okay. He's just not returning my phone calls. Actually, good for him.. He dated you 3 months, and you could not even give a straight answer about being exclusive yet? I am sure he was disappointed with your answer. It just gets to the point where it seems things might be a waste of time, then it is a huge let down when those thoughts are confirmed. . I understand where you're coming from, and I do think it's possible that I hurt his feelings. Really I only said that because he just seemed so much better than me and I couldn't possibly understand why he would only date me. And afterwards I said, I don't really want you to date other people, I really like you, I'm not dating anyone else. Ugh, I really liked him I just got freaked out and acted like an idiot. I guess I just have to let it go?
BCCA Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 My last relationship was 5 years, and I was dumped via a text while at work in the middle of the day, and she refused to see me. Yeah, some people are cowards, but thats more of a reflection of them than you.
sumdude Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Well, there's just no telling with some people is there? Hey, my ex wife just moved out one day without warning. Some folks just don't have the brass to face someone. Unless something else has happened than I would say he's a coward so as much as it hurts right now good riddance. Better now than years down the road in a long term committed relationship.
openbook08 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 My last relationship was 5 years, and I was dumped via a text while at work in the middle of the day, and she refused to see me. Yeah, some people are cowards, but thats more of a reflection of them than you. hey!! snap! did i snap you already before?? scary that i am so not even the slightest shocked to hear this happened op, exact same happened to my friend, it was like he just disappeared!! :confused::confused::confused:
Author dashing daisy Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 So after about 3 weeks of absolutely no contact, he called me at 11:30 on saturday night. I am so confused. Was it just a drunk dial or something? If he actually wanted to talk to me he would call me at a normal time right?
Author dashing daisy Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 I'm confused and I'm not sure what to do. Do I just let it go?
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