Am I experiencing betrayal and abandonment? Pain is lasting longer than I thought

[UCLAMike]

Hi friends. After having talks with an older lady at work, it seems like I've been obsessing over my break up after 7 months due to extreme pain. It's really not in my character to obsess over something like this and I am afraid as well as others in my life, that it might be a lasting scar in my heart. I never had issues with girls before and I never had any symptoms of this kind ever. I'm being honest and I know how silly this sounds but I am 25 but have never really had any experience with a girl before. No it's not because I'm some hermit in the mountains or some hideous looking cretin. I simply had my priorities in different order and really pursued education and self-improvement first. I wanted to engage in dating and all that after. That's when I met my ex, around the time I graduated from college. I am very healthy and always had a good heart, good outlook in life, good attitude, and good head on the shoulders. At least I believe I have. My ex changed everything and introduced me to a new world of love and pain.

 

She said that my ex may have had some serious issues within herself as well as just being a terrible gf altogether. I don't rule myself out as part of the problem, as I have been religiously trying to figure out just what I did so bad that made her dissatisfied all the time. I just wanted a normal gf who will support me and love me. She never did. You can read my story here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t177641/

 

Please don't try to defend me or her. I have never been in a relationship before and I am having hard time seeing whether I just straight up got burned or I deserved this. I'd like to hear an honest opinion. I feel like more time that passes by, more it seems like she was just not a very nice person. More time I spend thinking about it and talking it out with others, I just think she is very shallow, selfish, and materialistic. I think her values are all superficial and I don't think I really knew her that well. Sure there were good times but I want to hear the truth now. I am so tired of defending her actions in my own head and blaming myself for it. The more I think about it, it only makes sense what my close people have been telling me about her. I don't think that she simply broke up with me, I think she just straight up abandoned me. (Perhaps because she really didn't like me that much?) Regardless, this break up was more than I can take at that point in my life and she has done nothing, no apologies or any words of comfort or support, to be there for me. It has scarred me so much that somebody I trusted and dearly loved could just bail in such a manner. I'd love to hear your honest opinion in a very blunt tone.

[monkeymaid]

you want a direct answer as to what you did? ...ill give it a whirl

 

1st, every woman wants to be appreciated and they want a MAN. someone who is strong and is a rock for her, and can see through **** for himself, his future wife and kids. women look for potential. you had alot going for you, but when you asked her out of fear and desperation to make the life altering decision to marry you, she lost about 50% of the respect that she had for you. you freaked out in a simple situation and couldnt stay in control of yourself when **** was going wrong and she realized that if you could act like this in a situation where a clear head would probably have prevailed, what would you do if she was about to give birth with her 3rd child, and you started freaking out because she was hormonal, feeling fat, the other 2 kids have kept you both up all night, the house is in shambles, her mother is coming in for 2 weeks, and you just lost your job because of another economic downturn? you need to learn to keep your self respect, dignity, composure, essentially you need to be the man a family needs to lead it. you dont have to be perfect, but in a nutshell, you werent a mans man when you needed to be. but you have learned. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. she has her own set of issues too, but who gives a flying **** about that? you seem to be educated. i too am educated and have realized about a year ago that with my education came the anoying habit of over analyzing and overthinking. we need all the info laid out in front of us to make a decision and understand so we can change things and control them, or move on. in your situation, you need to learn when to let go, when to accept the things you cannot change, understand that women dont make sense all of the time, and its time to take a deep breath and go start writing the next chapter, without completely understanding what happenedin the last. first seek to accpet, then seek to understand. once you have accepted, you dont really need to understand.