cabarc1 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Ok so my ex started seeing a new girl about 7 months ago. I did the whole pleading, crying, desperation thing for 3 months and then backed off when i realized it would only push him away and wasn't going to help me any. Well after those 3 months he warmed up to me (contact made by him), did some sweet things for me like buy me gifts and offer to give me anything i needed. I would acknowledge him but never made contact myself. Xmas(after 5 months with that girl) he sends over a $200 gift card via my brother to me and it made me upset because by then i had told him to only contact me if he wanted to get back together. Over those 5 months he had also kissed me and other stuff had happened. Anyways, he saw me after the super bowl on the road and followed me till we were next to each other at the light, and started talking to me (by then 6 weeks of nc had gone by). he texted me 3 days later and we ended up texting all evening. He even came over to see my new house. I had made up my mind that i wanted him to notice the change i had made with myself so i allowed him to make contact me only if he really needed to speak to someone or just really wanted to hear my voice. The night he came over to see my house, he went on about how he always thinks of me, how proud he is of me, how he is still confused about what he wants. I kept my cool and just pretended to be happy as hell and undertstanding. He also kissed me again. I went along with it because i'm a weak idiot. Well the next monday he comes to my work and eats and leaves me a $50 tip and said he's noticed a change in me. He said the feels like a jerk because things are going well with that other girl but that he doesn't get the same feeling he had with me. I don't press for answers, just listen to him. Well a week later (last night), he texts me for the 3rd monday in a row...keep in mind it's only on mondays and i guess the rest of the week he is doing whatever with that girl. We have a house together but i never go over there unless it's to check mail or something but i go when he isn't there. I went the other day and noticed some pics on his tv, i looked and they were pics he had of me on his camera, well he recently went and had them developed. I noticed his camera wasn't there and i figured he developed them because he wanted to use it with his new gf and so that she wouldn't see the pics still in his camera, he had them developed instead of just deleting them. He still has our pic frames in his room, just face down incase he decides he wants me back or something. She doesn't know this because i said she isn't allowed over there since the house is both of ours and i said i would take my half(even though he pays for all of it) if she goes over there. I asked him about the pics last night and he got so mad at me. I just sat there and politely apologized and said goodbye to him, it hurt so bad that i felt like the guilty party and there i am apologizing to him. I've done so much crying over the past 7 months, i finally let what everyone said about him sink in and that's that he is a cheater (by talking, kissing me), a liar, and a jerk for playing with my heart. He texted me till 1:00am asking me to talk to him and how he hated that i was ignoring him, which i did for the very first time. I feel like he just doesn't understand the sadness that he brings me by contacting me and then feels ok with getting mad at me for looking at his pics. My question is, do i owe him any explanations?? Or just keep on ignoring him?? I can't stand this anymore, i feel like the anger finally took over and though it hurts, how can i honestly ever go back to him??? He was the one that told me to move on in the beginning yet it doesn't seem like he is. When i was leaving i told him that i just finally realized some stuff and he texted me asking me what i realized. I wouldn't respond. Should i even bother telling him that i realized who he really is or just keep ignoring him???
Lippy2 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Personally, after all he has put you through and you know he has a girlfriend and is "cheating on her", do you think you owe him an explanation. I think not. Were they not out in the open in a house that you both share? Why should you feel bad? You did nothing wrong. This guy however should be ashamed of himself. I say your doing the right thing by just ignoring him. Do you really want to stay involved with a guy like this?
not_a_happy_camper Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 no you should not feel bad, this is a horrible situation you are in. you have to ignore him, and don't stop ignoring him. Do not break NC from here on, unless it is something about the house you share. You deserve FAR better treatment. Yes he is cheating. And he seems to have been trying to string you along, in saying that he doesn't feel for this girl the way he felt for you. But you were also allowing him to string you along, by answering his attempts at contact. You started out right, by saying not to contact you unless it was to get back together. And he gave you crumbs. and you took the bait. Go back to strict NC. Do not allow him treat you this way.
Juno Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I will go even one step further.... Go no contact with him and.... get out of the shared property if you can. Have him buy you out or put the house up for sell. This guy is just using you (imo) and def. cheating on his so-called gf with you. Just put yourself in her place. Would you accept it if your bf acted this way towards his ex? And I sure he has had his new girlfriend over to the house you own together. What's there to stop him. Unless you have 24/7 survaillence on the house, I'm sure he is doing as he pleases. Additionally, if he decides to stop paying for the house, you are going to be stuck paying for it while he lives there. Or worse it may screw up your credit. Anyway...all I'm really trying to say is when love goes bad, it is best to do no contact (lesson I'm learning the hard way) AND to cut all joint financial obligations. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.
Author cabarc1 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 I appreciate the responses, i was just so sick of him pulling me in and getting so mad at me when i would question him. I'd always end up apologizing to him. Like what the hell???? I agree about the house.....only reason i haven't tried to get my name off is because it has no financial meaning to me, it's the sentimental value. My parents sold us that house (owner financing), i helped my parents build it and everything so it bothered me the thought of that girl going to the house we had so many memories in. My brother does live there with him and though he totally has my back, he doesn't get involved because he would have to move in with my parents and get his own place cause he is in school. I live only about a mile down the road so my ex knows i could easily drop by or drive by at any moment (which i don't) My ex doesn't say anything to him about us and though i can't always tell if she's been there or not, i seriously doubt it because i'm sure he thinks my brother would tell if he found out/and/or kick his butt. I let him know he could have the whole house(until he decides to sell or something) since he's paying it but that i'd take my half if she went there. And even if he ever did stop paying, my parents wouldn't let me get into any financial trouble.
flash582 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 He wants to have you as a backup. Plain and simple. Are you satisfied being number 2? If he loved you there would be no question .... ie, no confusion. Go no contact and keep it that way.
Enema Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Why does he get to live in the house your parents sold you?
Author cabarc1 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Well i never felt right taking the house knowing he paid every dime on it. I didn't have the money to pay for any of it before....I work for my parents and they increased my salary big time so that i could buy my own house. The whole thing was just a deal gone wrong. I know most scorned women would just take it but i can't be like that. Maybe once he is ready to move away or something my parents will buy it back. I just don't want her there is all.....
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