conehead Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Guys, if your gf of a few months wants to wait until the relationship is very serious (ie engaged or close to being engaged) before having full blown sex with you, how would you feel? She however is willing to do alot of other intimate things with you just no oral sex or actual intercourse and you've seen her completely naked except she always keeps her panties on. Her reason for this is because she sees sex as something special she'd only want to do with someone she sees as a serious partner. Would you respect her decision? Would it not bother you at all? Or would you say 'forget her, there are other fish in the sea!'?
Surfer Dude Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Maybe I'm missing something here, but how can anyone be anyone's girlfriend if they're not having sex? They're just friends then, right? Anyhow, if that were my situation... of course I'd respect her decision, it wouldn't bother me at all. I would just kindly let her know that we're obviously not right for each other, that she should seek a man who can accept her choice and will obviously be the right partner for her. Then I'd go meet other women. But I probably wouldn't find myself in that kind of situation in the first place, as I rarely have to wait past a few dates to have sex, and I don't hang out with women who hate sex. In all honesty, if people aren't having sex it's not a relationship (unless you're in elementary school), and if it's not a friendship either, then it's a complete waste of time and energy.
Author conehead Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Well it's a serious relationship in the sense that it's long distance and both have met each other's parents. Both have acknowledged its serious and its officially bf/gf. The girl has even told the guy (both in mid 20s) that she wants to wait before sex before they both got together. So I guess the guy does think the girl is worth it in the time being, having known that fact before committing. That being said, will a normal guy get frustrated really quick with the lack of sex? Is sex really important for most guys? I like sex as a girl, but I can go without it for a long time and it won't bother me. Can guys do the same for a girl they really like/love?
fishtaco Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 A relationship without sex is called friendship. But I understand some people want to wait for religious reasons or whatever. Hey, whatever works. It's not wrong, it's just not for me. It's important to know what YOU want, and make sure what you want is the same as what your BF/GF wants as well. As long as it's a match, it's a win. Unfortunately a lot of the times people are not honest. Not even with themselves.
Surfer Dude Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Sex is the primary motivator for most men, if you deprive your bf of that, he'll seriously resent you for it. I suggest you take this seriously.
BCCA Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I would just kindly let her know that we're obviously not right for each other Agreed. Can guys do the same for a girl they really like/love There are a million variables that you would have to take into consideration, such as your age, the reasons for not having sex, what else you were doing in the meantime, etc. To answer your question, sure, guys could wait indefinitely. Your penis doesnt fall off from lack of use. However, most guys wont because its hard to decide if someone is right for you without having sex. How would you feel if you waited until you got married and found out you and this other person have horrible sex? It would be a travesty. Also, its kind of viewed as a control issue. The last thing any man wants is a SO who dictates when they have sex. Sure, to some extent, most women call the shots there, but men can usually get their way enough that they dont mind. it's long distance Seriously, Im with Surfer Dude...whats the point? Its basically a telephone buddy. And whats the point of stripping down to your panties if all youre going to do is make out or grope eachother? Its almost cruel. Here is the bottom line, most guys arent going to wait these days unless theyre in church groups or really sheltered, or just have no self esteem. There are tons of girls out there who put out pretty regularly, and a small percentage that dont. I personally would never wait longer than a couple months. I'm an adult, and that just sounds so 'Jr. High' to me.
Author conehead Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Well, before we became official, I had explicitly asked him if it would be ok for us to wait before having sex and he said without hesitation that it's not a problem at all for him and that it won't change anything. He said it's not a big deal for him. That being said, I know he's had sex with all 3 of his previous gfs. As a guy, do you think he could actually be satisfied from just the clothesless foreplay but no actual sex? He still comes though through other means, just not through s*x.... Any thoughts from girls as well? Anyone had experience with waiting before having sex?
BobSacamento Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 It would take a very very very very very very very very special woman.
Author conehead Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Seriously, Im with Surfer Dude...whats the point? Its basically a telephone buddy. And whats the point of stripping down to your panties if all youre going to do is make out or grope eachother? Its almost cruel. Well, he still comes through just 'touching' . And we sleep in the same bed in each others arms. It's long distance, but we see each other like 3 weekends a month.
Isolde Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 A relationship without sex is called friendship. I couldn't disagree more. The most romantic relationships, would still be romantic minus the sex. I am the horniest person ever but I still think this.
BCCA Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. The most romantic relationships, would still be romantic minus the sex. I am the horniest person ever but I still think this. Thats a womans point of view, Surfer Dude had the mans POV nailed pretty well. Well, he still comes through just 'touching' Its up to him if thats ok. For me, and it sounds like a few others, that wouldnt fly. Dont take this the wrong way, but he can kind of do that stuff himself, cant he? Im sure he appreciate you being there, but its not sex. If he says hes ok with it, then go with it and see what happens. Not all guys are the same.
Surfer Dude Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 All this sounds like either a control issue or low self esteem issue. Either way, depriving yourself and your partners of sex isn't healthy. It's a natural human function, very important and valuable.
Author conehead Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 All this sounds like either a control issue or low self esteem issue. Either way, depriving yourself and your partners of sex isn't healthy. It's a natural human function, very important and valuable. A girl who wants to wait to have sex with the right person automatically has issues?!
bayouboi Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 A girl who wants to wait to have sex with the right person automatically has issues?! Not to someone who has the same values/ideas about sex. And from my (and likely those whom you're perceiving as judging you) perspective it's not that you have issues, it's just that you don't have the same values/ideas about sex.
fishtaco Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I couldn't disagree more. The most romantic relationships, would still be romantic minus the sex. I am the horniest person ever but I still think this. Then I believe you don't qualify for the title of the the horniest person ever. Anyway, my point was you have to first be honest with yourself. Then be honest with the other person. Then you find a match. Whether is sex, sexless, or even open, as long as it's a match, you're good. Me, I would not date any woman that would want to wait. If you're okay with not having sex for 7 years until you get married, more power to you. I would respect women like you by not dating you.
Author conehead Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 I guess it comes down to what kind of guy my bf is. So far he seems not have a problem with it yet but with time who knows?
DavidH Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 id think... the not-having-sex thing... maybe you're just not that attracted to your current partner. How many boyfriends have you had so far to compare? He might be nice and all, but if you don't feel sexual towards him you might not be romantically attracted in the first place. just a thought, and a thought that he will think too. He might feel like an article of convenience + non threatening needs fulfilment. Don't do that to a man.
MN randomguy Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I guess it comes down to what kind of guy my bf is. So far he seems not have a problem with it yet but with time who knows? Good conclusion. If that is your values, you need to find someone that shares them for something long term. Surferdude is generally not looking for long term stuff and is only in it for the sex. Those are his values. He has sex with women that accept those values. You don't sound very compatible with him. One thing I will say, it is EXTREMELY frustrating to go so far but not all of the way. Maybe not so bad if he's cumming.
tanbark813 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Guys, if your gf of a few months wants to wait until the relationship is very serious (ie engaged or close to being engaged) before having full blown sex with you, how would you feel? She however is willing to do alot of other intimate things with you just no oral sex or actual intercourse and you've seen her completely naked except she always keeps her panties on. Her reason for this is because she sees sex as something special she'd only want to do with someone she sees as a serious partner. Would you respect her decision? Would it not bother you at all? Or would you say 'forget her, there are other fish in the sea!'? The lack of sex would bother me but the bolded part above would bother me more. I probably wouldn't stick it out for more than a month without sex but even assuming I did, it would bother me that she didn't consider me a serious partner after a few months. I also don't understand why someone would stay with someone they weren't serious about for months. Well, before we became official, I had explicitly asked him if it would be ok for us to wait before having sex and he said without hesitation that it's not a problem at all for him and that it won't change anything. He said it's not a big deal for him. My money says that's just a PC answer and he's hoping you'll change your mind.
Isolde Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 But that's exactly it. These days, dating someone for a couple of months does not bring "serious" to mind for most people. That's because it's so common to serially date one person after another. Now, maybe this works for some. However, it does make it unclear what's serious and what's not.
alphamale Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Your thoughts on a girl waiting before having sex?? it's great as long as i'm not dating her
Scottdmw Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I'm a guy and I see absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for sex. That is what I've done with my last several relationships and I think I'm better off for it. There are plenty of other guys that do this too. I think everyone understands pretty well that it's not possible to really know someone quickly--people are on their best behavior for the first few months and you never see how they really react early on. I think that alone is reason enough to wait so you're not hormonally bonded to the person before you ever even know who they are. The most important thing is to understand what your values are and find someone who is compatible. If your current boyfriend is not rest assured you will find someone who is. Scott
Flamenco81 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I agree with Scott about waiti9ng a little to have sex. For me, I would prefer to hold off for the first couple of months to really get to know her without that issue in my mind. But as soon as something serious or exclusive would be established I would want to. If I was like madly in love with the girl and felt like she could be my future wife I could wait longer, but not indefinitely.
movingonandon Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 A girl who wants to wait to have sex with the right person automatically has issues?! Only if she's wasting another person's time by not having sex with him, from which would follow that he's not the right person for her. I agree with others here: it's either a control, or self-esteem, or being religiously fecked up in the head issue. If two people like each other there is no reason for them not to have sex.
collegekid491 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Well with your activities, maybe he's assuming you will let your guard slip and do the deed in the heat of the moment. Alot of guys take the no sex thing as a challenge. Although I disagree with most of the guys in here, its just sex. I mean, obviously it has a different value/symbolism to each of us which is the major reason for the different answers from many users. Personally, I enjoy a good time but there's much more important things to me then just that. If she wants to wait then when she is ready it becomes a new stage in progression of the relationship, don't need to make sex a stage but I for one feel it makes it that much bigger of a deal. If a girl gives it up in the first few dates it becomes nothing special... its just something she would give up to any guy that invests a bit of time in her.
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