Goatsbreath Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I know most people will go against me on this but here me out. I have been trying to do NC for the last 2 months. I have gone 12, 13, 19, and now about 16 and broke it each time for some reason or another. The first reasons were due to leaving our apartment we shared and returning some stuff and what not, Ok excuses. Here's the thing, I reach these points where I find I can hardly lay in bed at night wondering if shes going to call. I have my phone near me at all times just about. I check it like 5-6 times before I finally drift off like maybe I didn't hear it even though the damn thing is next to me. So, finally I say **** it and call, yup, I get the same person that left me when I start asking questions about us. Well the last time, which was a today(broke 16 NC) I just asked about how she was doing and kept it lite. She was not real nice, somewhat rude in my opinion but I still kept being nice and then left it. So I got off the phone and was really hurt and really messed up but then she called back and said she wanted to apologize for being mean and that she was just not feeling well....etc. I thanked her and then we talked a little and it was better and I hung up. Ok, so the point or relief button. Tonight I know I will sleep and for the next week or two I know I will sleep without much expectations that she will call. Nothings changed really and hell, I'm creating false fantasies in my head that maybe she is missing me and shes almost on the verge of breaking and calling me. When I call her I realize she don't sound that way at all. Shes moved on. Sure, it hurts but its not a restart for me. I was hurt before this and Ill hurt some more but it feels like I mentally hit a button to relieve pressure build up from wanting to have some type of contact with the ex. Just my experience but I think I will go to bed without looking at the phone a million times thats right next to me.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 This is why I sometimes advocate the breaking of NC. Sure it hurts but it's better than obsessive thought. If anything, it reinforces why you started NC in the first place...and that's to break the addiction, heal and move on.
sad_panda Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 This is why I also break NC sometimes. No, I don't contact my ex, but I do check his Facebook, Myspace, and LiveJournal every mow and then (which counts as contact in my opinion). If it weren't for that, I would never have found out about his new girl. I would still be here, believing stupidly that he just needed to step back and find himself even if he was still in love with me (his words not mine). Sometimes it's better to know than to wonder. What's important is for you to have the wisdom when to stop.
Knight_Ctrl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think that NC is often going to be broken by accident often enough for us to not have to go out of our way to break it ourselves.
Author Goatsbreath Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 thanks trialbyfire, that makes perfect sense to me. I do feel like I remember why I started it in the first place. When so many days go by you start making up **** in your head, playing out fantasy thoughts and such. Still, its such a fine line to walk. I think if she would not of called me back and been apologetic I would of self destructed and blew up her phone wondering why she was being so mean to me when I was just trying to be casual, not even mention the relationship. She waited about 2 hours to call back and during that time trust me, the gears started to turn.
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