clv0116 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Didn't Hugh Grant visit a prostitute? Yes, as we know famous actors can't get laid any other way.
BCCA Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Yes, as we know famous actors can't get laid any other way. While married to LIZ HURLEY for crying out loud!
You'reasian Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think the girls name was Divine Brown and as far as I could tell, she is all female. Oh well, I still find it strange - but if you think about it, dudes who are powerful must have powerful drives and the need to accquire too.
calazhage Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I was waiting for something like that. To argue the reverse, how do you know your past g/fs didn't work as hookers, sometime in their lives or don't eviscerate kittens for pleasure? LOL..Once I saw this thread, I knew TBF would state "Dealbreaker, and I never dated a guy that saw a hooker!" Too funny. Poor analogy though. Getting a hooker is much easier and far less involved than making a career out of hooking.It is quite common among men to do at least once in their lives.
Trialbyfire Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 LOL..Once I saw this thread, I knew TBF would state "Dealbreaker, and I never dated a guy that saw a hooker!" Too funny. Poor analogy though. Getting a hooker is much easier and far less involved than making a career out of hooking.It is quite common among men to do at least once in their lives. LMAO! And how did I know you're the kind of guy who needs hookers to get laid!!
movingonandon Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think your opinion is wrong. Having known a number of men who have visited "real" (here we go again...the pejorative term "real" as if escorts are somehow of a different gender or class) escorts, they have not been men who could not get laid. No one questions that alot of men visit prostitutes of all types, but your assertion that most men do does not appear to be true. However, it is known that the more one associates with people who do, the more that it seems normal and in the majority. But if it feels good to think you have some knowledge that the rest of the world doesn't, then we will continue to live in fairytale land with "real" women. Yeah, thats how I pick up my friends, based on whether or not they've seen a hooker . Some of them have (in my circle - mostpy professional, educated men the proporiton is maybe about 60%), , some of them haven't but all are good guys, no exceptions. But, I've got to tell you, anybody bestowing judgement on the ones who did based on this little fact alone, would have a polite ****storm unleashed on them, I can promise you that much . (There are so many things wrong with this line of reasoning - where do I begin?)
alphamale Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 None of my ex boyfriends have ever hired escorts before. how do you know that for sure? I just found out that this new wonderful man has in the past...probably during his 1yr separation from his wife. so what? i really don't know what to do. you don't have to do anything I don't even know if the escorts are allowed to have sex with their clients (we have been intimate). they don't get paid all that money to serve tea and crumpets Also, what kind of man does this? any man, senators, lawyers, garbagemen, unemployed men (they may have to go low-end), businessmen, doctors, engineers, factory workers, etc...family men, single men, men whose wives have cut them off from sex, frustrated boyfriends, ugly men, sports figures, blah blah blah Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? maybe I will have to confront him soon.. besides sexual protection, what do I need to ask? i really don't know
Geishawhelk Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I feel the same was as alphamale. As stated already, I don't know why you're making such a big deal about this. It says more about your attitude, IMO, than his......
calazhage Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 LMAO! And how did I know you're the kind of guy who needs hookers to get laid!! I am guessing you are against a man using "hookers" because then women do not have TOTAL control over a man's sexuality. ALL men would get a hooker. Yes all men. Depends on the time, place, alcohol, price, situation,availability, what she looks like, etc. If Denise Richards/Megan Fox/Adriana Lima was going to have sex with a single guy for 20 bucks, I doubt many men would turn it down on moral grounds. It just sounds extremely immature to be in your mid 30's and be that clueless about the opposite sex. You just "know" no man you ever dated used a sex worker's services. As though men tell women they date that, or men who purchased a hooker 1 time just look a certain way.
fral945 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I think most women would prefer to have their head in the sand when it comes to the sexual outlets men use (like hookers and porn). I think it is pretty obvious to acknowledge that when men don't get their sexual needs met through conventional (i.e., socially acceptable) methods like a wife, GF, multiple ONS, FWBs, etc. they are going to look for other methods. The only two alternatives I can think of are hookers and porn. I imagine there might be guys that have gone through long periods of being single, sexually frustrated by their wife/GF, etc. that haven’t visited hookers or found another woman. If that is indeed true, I'd look for a large, hidden porn stash.
JamesM Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Yeah, thats how I pick up my friends, based on whether or not they've seen a hooker . Some of them have (in my circle - mostpy professional, educated men the proporiton is maybe about 60%), , some of them haven't but all are good guys, no exceptions. But, I've got to tell you, anybody bestowing judgement on the ones who did based on this little fact alone, would have a polite ****storm unleashed on them, I can promise you that much . (There are so many things wrong with this line of reasoning - where do I begin?) By rereading my post, because for some reason I think you misunderstood what I said. I certainly don't judge. I also don't think I said that the men who use escorts are somehow different or less of a person for doing so. My personal feeling is that most men CAN get sex with "normal" women, but instead choose escorts for various reasons such as no commitment and less money and less emotional connection needed. I think most MM who use escorts do so not because they CAN'T get laid but because they AREN'T getting laid. So I am not sure where we disagree, but I am willing to hear the differences.
movingonandon Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 By rereading my post, because for some reason I think you misunderstood what I said. I certainly don't judge. I also don't think I said that the men who use escorts are somehow different or less of a person for doing so. My personal feeling is that most men CAN get sex with "normal" women, but instead choose escorts for various reasons such as no commitment and less money and less emotional connection needed. I think most MM who use escorts do so not because they CAN'T get laid but because they AREN'T getting laid. So I am not sure where we disagree, but I am willing to hear the differences. Put this way, there's nothing I disagree with. In any case, I don't think that many, or at least certaionly not most, men are regular/obsessive customers. The majority are *probably* doing it out of curiosity, boredom, whatever reason, a couple of times in their life, or during a prolonged singledom. Like any vice, it can be innoquous or disastrous, depending on usage and the mindset it is approached with .
clv0116 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I am guessing you are against a man using "hookers" because then women do not have TOTAL control over a man's sexuality. Certain types of women find that very threatening.
movingonandon Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Certain types of women find that very threatening. The controlling/insecure/judgemental type, that is. Sadly, a common one.
Author summerusa Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 I want to address how I stumbled on this piece of info b/c I have some concerns about this too and he hasn’t provided much assurance. I was on his computer and went to check my email on IE instead of the usual browser, but before I typed anything in, 16 different emails showed up pretyped (one of those great time-saving features of the IE browser). It piqued my curiosity b/c those emails are very suggestive (for ex. info@secrettemptiondotcom or hotbodygirl@whatever..) .. surfed around and found out all of those emails belong to escorts ..so I can even see pix of each. I think that if he’s curious enough to email 16 different places, then it’s more of a possibility he used their services. Too bad I can’t tell how long ago it was. Okay now.. the consequences of my confrontation. He admitted to using 2 escorts. Once when he was 5 years into his marriage..6 yrs ago (did tell his wife about it later on). The second time was a yr ago. I had asked him if he searched through many to find that escort a yr ago and he said no. This fact plus the fact that there are 16 different escort emails makes me suspect he’s STILL hiding something...maybe recently. He did reveal that he had a porn addiction and that’s what lead to it..curiosity and also, he was away from his wife for 5/7 days of the week during that time.. I remember I’d asked him what he thought about seeing more than one person at a time..implying cheating. Maybe I was too vague but he argued that he didn’t lie about that b/c he would never seek out another love relationship if he already had one. He also said that he was planning to tell me later on..he didn’t like how I abruptly confronted him and he was very defensive and said that it’s over with us..assuming that I had already made up my mind to break it off. Maybe it is over since I don’t see him in the same glowing light anymore. We had talked about moving in and marriage. Now I don’t even know.. it’s so new to me.. hopefully I will stop thinking the worse of him whenever I look at him. It’s a risk since if I do stay, I might become even more emotionally connected to him. Ok, call me weird, but I thinbk you're making too much of this. Why exactly is this fact so dreadful to you? What about hiring escorts is such a terrible thing? G, I think we have different values so that’s why it’s more dreadful to me. While I agree with G that it is not something to be concerned about, I do add one caution: what did he get from escorts? Easy and work free sex? If so, then he may feel that when you are not agreeable to sex when HE wants it, he may feel that it is his right without any concern for your feelings. He may remember how he had sex when he wanted it with many different women...even though he paid for it. Some men would then decide to hire an escort or two during the "dry" times of a relationship. (ie when the two of you lose the romantic feeling or you are pregnant or busy with children). There is a difference between the use of escorts and the normal dating life of a single man, but for the most part, I don't think it is of a concern. If he never became addicted to the easy sex, then you should have no problems with his past. JamesM, I really appreciate your input..that’s something that I wouldn’t have thought. We were in the "in love" stage. I’ve crashed down to reality now and am afraid what he will do to jeopardize our future relationship. I missed this when I typed my first post. This would concern me in that he was only separated from his wife and not divorced. Did they both agree that each could date or was there still a possibility of reconciliation? Technically, it is cheating. All kinds of men visit prostitutes, but the concern here should be...he did it while still married. And then this makes one wonder if he WILL feel the need to hire an escort when the two of you are apart. These are the honest and necessary topics to discuss. And you need to feel that you are receiving an open and honest answer. Out of curiosity, how did this topic even come up? What made him feel the need to reveal this information? Btw, when I asked him about his sexual history he automatically asked if I had went through his things! His wife continued to stay with him for another 5 yrs.. he said she didn't ask much about the affair but I think it deteriorated their marriage gradually since she probably couldn't emotionally reconnect with him. For me, it would be a deal-breaker, particularly since it sounds like you found out on your own v. directly from the horse's mouth. I've yet to date or get involved with a man who's ever visited a hooker. While this might not be true for all the men who've done it, I see it as a sign of desperation. Definitely a deal-breaker..but for some reason..I can’t be so objective right now. I’ve been using the word escort but I should getting my head out of the sand and see them as prostitutes. So he shopped around for a prostitute from the convenience of his home. I think most women would prefer to have their head in the sand when it comes to the sexual outlets men use (like hookers and porn). I think it is pretty obvious to acknowledge that when men don't get their sexual needs met through conventional (i.e., socially acceptable) methods like a wife, GF, multiple ONS, FWBs, etc. they are going to look for other methods. The only two alternatives I can think of are hookers and porn. I imagine there might be guys that have gone through long periods of being single, sexually frustrated by their wife/GF, etc. that haven’t visited hookers or found another woman. If that is indeed true, I'd look for a large, hidden porn stash. Yes, there ARE guys who don’t look to hookers and can actually be celibate for periods of time. Porn is not something I’d be so unnerved by. No one questions that alot of men visit prostitutes of all types, but your assertion that most men do does not appear to be true. However, it is known that the more one associates with people who do, the more that it seems normal and in the majority. I completely agree!! No one would go and find friends based on their sexual history; but people tend to attract similar personalities with similar types of values. btw..I want to clarify my question.. "what kind of man goes to hookers" I guess I was just typing out my feelings at the time.. What I meant was that I'm not used to knowing someone with this kind of value system. So I wonder what sort of surprises are in store for me.. I've been naively assuming we share the same viewpoints but then again, I should've been more cautious with my first internet dating experience. so anyways... huge trust/integrity issues now..and our relationship just got started off the ground. sorry for the long post... I really appreciate everyone's replies.
clv0116 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Just drop the guy and leave him alone. He's better off.
Trialbyfire Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 He did reveal that he had a porn addiction Summerusa, doesn't this tell you everything? Plse think about the implications of someone with a porn addiction before continuing with this relationship.
Author summerusa Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 I found this out just yesterday when I confronted him about the escorts. Summerusa, doesn't this tell you everything? Plse think about the implications of someone with a porn addiction before continuing with this relationship. it's so hard dating..what can I do? Bring a list of questions to ask my dates?? That would scare off any good man.
eclipseIDE Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I found this out just yesterday when I confronted him about the escorts. it's so hard dating..what can I do? Bring a list of questions to ask my dates?? That would scare off any good man. Lol, you women have it easy compared to us guys. All the hoops we have to jump through.
Geishawhelk Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 G, I think we have different values so that’s why it’s more dreadful to me. I think I should clarify my position: I don't know what it is you have against hookers/prostitutes/escorts/ but they're as human as you or I. They're women making their way in the world, and to varying degrees, maybe in the only way they know how. Most people consider the world of a woman who uses her body to earn money, as sordid, degenerate, drug-induced and dark. Doubtless there are countless millions of women for whom prostitution is a spiral of despair. But there are equally as many women involved in the sex industry who actually actively enjoy what they do. Regardless of which side of the fence they find themselves, they are humans. People. They offer a comodity for profit. They offer entertainment of a specific kind for financial remuneration. They are not low, despicable, to be hated, judged, condemned and reviled. They have as much right to be doing what they're doing as we have to be doing what we're doing. Now, as I have stated: many women are involved in prostitution for the very worst of reasons. But I personally know of two women who went into the sex industry for the money - which they used to fund other ventures. And enjoyed it whilst they did it, earned good money, and used that money to good advantage. What's wrong with that? I am not in turn passing judgment upon you, summerusa. What I am doing is asking that you examine your own opinion and appraisal of the situation, and understand that it's not the women who are deplorable here.... and neither is it your SO. I guess I'd like to know what it is exactly, about what he's done, that is so heinous to you? Are you evaluating, judging and condemning him - or these women? And why?
You'reasian Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Lol, you women have it easy compared to us guys. All the hoops we have to jump through. I don't have the desire to jump through hoops - I used to a few years back, but then realized that there's more important things to life then that. Bottom line - if a woman is sincerely interested in you, she'll make it easy for you, BUT when all the gidiness wears off she'll want to know that you are in it for the longer term.
Trialbyfire Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I found this out just yesterday when I confronted him about the escorts. it's so hard dating..what can I do? Bring a list of questions to ask my dates?? That would scare off any good man. Porn addiction isn't a simple little flaw. It's like any other addiction, where people "need" something, be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or porn v. just want it, like a piece of chocolate cake. This is serious. It's easier to find a healthy relationship, than to have to address porn addiction for the rest of your life.
clv0116 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I wonder who diagnosed this addiction exactly.
You'reasian Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I wonder who diagnosed this addiction exactly. Dr. Nick Riviera?
alphamale Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 This is serious. It's easier to find a healthy relationship, than to have to address porn addiction for the rest of your life. would you rather "address" p0rn addiction or alcohol/heroin addiciton for the rest of your life?? the latter can kill, the former generally cannot
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