summerusa Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I'm going through a crisis right now. None of my ex boyfriends have ever hired escorts before. I just found out that this new wonderful man has in the past...probably during his 1yr separation from his wife. i really don't know what to do. I don't even know if the escorts are allowed to have sex with their clients (we have been intimate). Also, what kind of man does this? Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? I will have to confront him soon.. besides sexual protection, what do I need to ask? thanks, ~heart-broken
headlesschicken Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 first don't allow your mind to take you on an imaginary ride through possibility-ville. i know it's hard but you ought to ask him straight out and hope he gives you a straight answer. in most cases escort is just a euphemism for prostitute. technically they're not "allowed to have sex" in the usa at least, but that's what they do. as far as sexual protection, you should have that conversation before getting intimate, regardless of prostitutes, regular folk can be diseased too! as for the question will he do it when he's with you? who knows? who ever knows what anyone will do? past behaviour however plays a part in future behaviour. it's up to you if this is a dealbreaker for you. so if you are comfortable bringing it up, or even uncomfortable but it's important enough for you to need the answer to, you need to ask him. real answers might hurt, but they're better than speculation. then you can make an informed decision.
Author summerusa Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 thanks for the quick reply. I will ask him tonight. I don't even know if I will believe his answers. Probably thinking more had happened than he is willing to reveal..so even asking is not going to give me peace of mind that I have full knowlege. I know that sometimes I get jealous but in the past, it was just over strip clubs, nothing else. Is hiring escorts something most men do???? or should us good girls avoid these type of guys who pay for intimate/sex encounters??
sand26 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 thanks for the quick reply. I will ask him tonight. I don't even know if I will believe his answers. Probably thinking more had happened than he is willing to reveal..so even asking is not going to give me peace of mind that I have full knowlege. I know that sometimes I get jealous but in the past, it was just over strip clubs, nothing else. Is hiring escorts something most men do???? or should us good girls avoid these type of guys who pay for intimate/sex encounters?? "good girls", hahhaha. So escorts are "bad girls" ??? I think the majority of guys have paid for escorts in their lives. It's nothing anyone is proud of and usually (unless it is some sort of addiction or fetish) it doesn't really excite the man enough to repeat it. Should you stop judging people? yes. Should you stop being jealous? yes. Jealousy is not healthy and if you think you are prone to be that way you should seek therapy. What your man did in the past has no reflection on you and taking offense is a selfish reaction. Just relax, do you like him for him or what he represents? you kind of need to get over yourself hon. good luck the mfk
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Ok, call me weird, but I thinbk you're making too much of this. Your guy probably hired escorts to fill a void and respond to a need. That's not to say he had sex with them, or even all of them, if at all. Let's be realistic - he probably did, but - so what? What if he'd just had a few casual one-night stands....? That would be worse. If he hired escorts, we're probably not talking your run-of-the-mill sidewalk hooker. He may well have paid good money, to an agency, perhaps? I don't know how it works.... but if that IS the case, these agencies - and the escorts themselves - are extremely fenickerty and particular about sex, safety and health. Why exactly is this fact so dreadful to you? What about hiring escorts is such a terrible thing? I had a partner who had hired escorts. He didn't hire them whilst he went out with me. He was quite wealthy and unattached, so - where was the problem? Sure, you need to get to the bottom of what kind of 'escorts' they were exactly - but it's very, very common. A lot more than you think. I'd worry more about the kerbcrawler out for a fast relief and an anonymous woman demanding $200 for a blow job in the back seat, or the guy who has countless one-night stands for the feck of it.....
GorillaTheater Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think the majority of guys have paid for escorts in their lives. I would be seriously surprised if this is true. Getting an escort never even occurred to me while I was single, and I don't consider it to be an option as a married man. If he was single, or even separated, when he did the escort thing, I wouldn't necessarily view this as some kind of character flaw, any more than I would see him sleeping with any woman as a character flaw. But I don't attach any stigma to hiring an escort, as long as no cheating is involved. It's a straight-foward way of dealing with desire when you don't particularly want to subject yourself to the hit-and-miss world of getting it for "free". As if anything of the sort is ever free.
fral945 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Also, what kind of man does this? Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? All kinds. Politicians, engineers, doctors, lawyers, plumbers, mechanics, average Joes, etc. They all have one thing in common: They are men, and they want easily available sex when they want it, and it is not available at that time. There's a risk he'll repeat it, sure. Only you can find out. If he hasn't used them during relationships I don't see much of an issue. I will have to confront him soon.. besides sexual protection, what do I need to ask? Have you been full tested for STD's since your last partner (irregardless of whether or not it was a prostitute)? And what were the results?
JamesM Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 As you said, STDs are a concern, but then they would be a concern if he had simply dated a number of women while he was single, too. In fact, one could say that with escorts it is less of a concern as many use more consistent protection than many women who assume their partners are STD free. While I agree with G that it is not something to be concerned about, I do add one caution: what did he get from escorts? Easy and work free sex? If so, then he may feel that when you are not agreeable to sex when HE wants it, he may feel that it is his right without any concern for your feelings. He may remember how he had sex when he wanted it with many different women...even though he paid for it. Some men would then decide to hire an escort or two during the "dry" times of a relationship. (ie when the two of you lose the romantic feeling or you are pregnant or busy with children). There is a difference between the use of escorts and the normal dating life of a single man, but for the most part, I don't think it is of a concern. If he never became addicted to the easy sex, then you should have no problems with his past.
JamesM Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I just found out that this new wonderful man has in the past...probably during his 1yr separation from his wife. I missed this when I typed my first post. This would concern me in that he was only separated from his wife and not divorced. Did they both agree that each could date or was there still a possibility of reconciliation? Technically, it is cheating. Also, what kind of man does this? Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? All kinds of men visit prostitutes, but the concern here should be...he did it while still married. And then this makes one wonder if he WILL feel the need to hire an escort when the two of you are apart. These are the honest and necessary topics to discuss. And you need to feel that you are receiving an open and honest answer. Out of curiosity, how did this topic even come up? What made him feel the need to reveal this information?
sand26 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I would be seriously surprised if this is true. Getting an escort never even occurred to me while I was single, and I don't consider it to be an option as a married man. majority- the greater number so it would seriously surprise you if 51% of men had been with escorts? time to climb out of your cave hon. the mfk
Star Gazer Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think the majority of guys have paid for escorts in their lives. This is absolutely NOT true.
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I'm going through a crisis right now. None of my ex boyfriends have ever hired escorts before. I just found out that this new wonderful man has in the past...probably during his 1yr separation from his wife. i really don't know what to do. I don't even know if the escorts are allowed to have sex with their clients (we have been intimate). Also, what kind of man does this? Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? I will have to confront him soon.. besides sexual protection, what do I need to ask? thanks, ~heart-broken All you can do is to ask him about it and hope he can provide you with something that will provide you with a comfort level that he won't be doing this, when in a relationship. For me, it would be a deal-breaker, particularly since it sounds like you found out on your own v. directly from the horse's mouth. I've yet to date or get involved with a man who's ever visited a hooker. While this might not be true for all the men who've done it, I see it as a sign of desperation.
JamesM Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think the majority of guys have paid for escorts in their lives. This is absolutely NOT true. Actually it IS true as written. In fact, any man who has been with an escort has paid for it. But the way it is written is not what he meant I am sure. so it would seriously surprise you if 51% of men had been with escorts? time to climb out of your cave hon. Yes, it would surprise me...if you mean that 51% of men have had sex with escorts. And if you then eliminate it to mean only escorts. Your number would be higher if you said that a majority of men have been with prostitutes, and then I would still disagree. While you would be right in saying that more men than we think have been with prostitutes, I don't think this can be translated into "the majority." So even if the majority of men you know have been with prostitutes, then this does not mean the majority of men in the world. So the majority would include all nations and all men...single and married. I doubt this would be true. BTW, the use of "hon" doesn't encourage great discussions.
JamesM Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 (unless you really mean it. ) Good point, hon.
BCCA Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 so it would seriously surprise you if 51% of men had been with escorts Not me, I know better. Its not my style, but most strip clubs have 'VIP' rooms, and god only knows what goes on in there. Ive heard enough stories to know that its not a game of monopoly, though. Im wondering how you know he hired escorts in the past. Did he openly tell you this?
Lizzie60 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Oh boy-o-boy... Also, what kind of man does this? Normal, ordinary, educated, rich or not-so-rich guys.. from all 'couches' of society.. doctors, lawyers, mechanics, etc.. etc.. men who wants sex without the hassle.. who wants it the minute they need it.. simple as that. Is there a risk he will see escorts when we are apart from each other (long distance relationship here)??? There's always a risk he will see escorts again, if he has in the past, or any other women if he wants to... I will have to confront him soon.. besides sexual protection, what do I need to ask? Not much you can ask.. cause I very much doubt he will tell you what you DON'T want to hear.. I don't see the big deal.. what's worst.. to go with an escort once or twice or to sleep with a different woman every week... :rolleyes::rolleyes: I would say that the chance of contacting a STD is worst in the latter scenario. And someone said that the majority of men have been with an escort.. I disagree... most men have not been with a prostitute/escort.. but I have to say that a very large number of men have tried a massage parlour.. (hand job).
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Good point, hon. The only gentleman on this forum I'd consider being escorted by. In the nicest possible way, by the way.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 "good girls", hahhaha. So escorts are "bad girls" ??? I think the majority of guys have paid for escorts in their lives. It's nothing anyone is proud of and usually (unless it is some sort of addiction or fetish) it doesn't really excite the man enough to repeat it. Should you stop judging people? yes. Should you stop being jealous? yes. Jealousy is not healthy and if you think you are prone to be that way you should seek therapy. What your man did in the past has no reflection on you and taking offense is a selfish reaction. Just relax, do you like him for him or what he represents? you kind of need to get over yourself hon. good luck the mfk There is no way that is true! I would never pay for a prostitute and the mere thought of doing so is revolting to me. I actually totally understand why the OP has a problem with this. The OP and her man may have radically different values/views regarding sex. If he's paid for it in the past, he may have a much more casual view about sex than she does and that could be a major problem.
sand26 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 There is no way that is true! I would never pay for a prostitute and the mere thought of doing so is revolting to me. I actually totally understand why the OP has a problem with this. The OP and her man may have radically different values/views regarding sex. If he's paid for it in the past, he may have a much more casual view about sex than she does and that could be a major problem. Men lie. In Many parts of the world prostitution is legal. Men screw whores. It's true, it is the oldest profession for a reason. Men just lie about it so people think it is rare.
BCCA Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I tell you what. Look up every strip club and massage parlor in your area. I can promise you right now at LEAST 75% of them are offering some sort of prostitution. And seriously, why do people get so hung up on this? Would it be better if he had slept with the town whore? Or the fattest girl from high school? If he doesnt have any STD's, I dont see anything wrong with it. As long as he isnt cheating or hasnt cheated with ANYONE, prostitute or not, its really his own business. Its no worse than sleeping with lose girls at the bar. I would never pay for a prostitute and the mere thought of doing so is revolting to me. Come on now. I havent ever gone that route, but not every prostitute is a crack whore with 2 teeth. There are some that are borderline models, the thought of sleeping with them 'revolts' you? They had a show on TV about a brothel in Nevada, and omg...the girls were drop dead gorgeous. I think we should take the blinders off here. Men like sex. Sometimes, its not available to them through normal means, as in, a relationship, so some go the escort route. As long as theyre being safe and dont pick up any STD's, I really dont see the problem with it. I think we should be realistic, a lot of guys do this - didnt Hugh Grant cheat on Liz Hurley with a transvestite prostitute for gods sake? That should tell you something right there.
clv0116 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 "I don't pay women for sex, I pay them to leave in the morning." - Charlie Sheen
You'reasian Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I'm guessing the basic idea is that the guy wanted some no BS sex and didn't have a girlfriend at the time.
Flamenco81 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I agree that most men will deny it, but it is very common for guys to have had paid sex sometime in their life. Like they said, if it is not some weird fetish or an addiction, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
You'reasian Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 we guys would prefer to have a girlfriend, rather than not.
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