marriedwithtwo Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 This is coming off the the "my wife won't have sex with me thread". Lord knows we see at least one of those on the boards each day. It really makes you wonder how men and women are wired and why we are so much out of sync especially with this sex thing. I, like many other women, use to think men are just horn dogs who need to keep their penis in their pants and find other things, besides sex, to occupy their mind. But more and more I'm starting to realize that the need for sex for men is something they really can't ignore. Because most would ignore it if they could just to save themselves the grief but they just cant. Men don't just want sex, they NEED it, they need it like they need food/water and air. That is just the way they are wired, the way the Lord God made them. Blame it on testosterone or some other hormone, it is a physical need akin to a thirst or full bladder that most often can not be set aside or just glossed over. I've heard some men say their body actually suffers from physical pain when they go too long without sex and I believe them...now. Sure they won't physically die from lack of sex like they would from lack of food or water but I do believe the lack of sex does kill something in them...slowly enough that eventually their souls and outlook on life is robbed of any kind of joy. I won't withhold food from my man, neither will I starve him of water. So why not lump sex into that category and not begudge him of something his body craves so badly?. My boyfriend, naturally, has a higher sex drive than I do. If we follow my body's schedule, sex will be sporadic at best, but I indulge him, even when I'm not in the mood. Just because I like seeing him happy. And believe me, after sex, he's like a kid in a candy store, just giggly for no reason. I derive my satisfaction from that joy he experiences. His body and mind is relaxed, he can think clearly and his state of mind becomes one less thing I have to worry about. Win-win situation for all, no? Women complain that we are too tired or just don't feel like it but really how much work/effort does sexual intercouse take?. Especially if you are doing it for your man? Men don't need hours of foreplay, a bubble bath or candles lit. A t-shirt and a thong is enough to make his eyes bulge out:-). So what is so wrong with lumping that into your to-do list for the day during those times you are not in the mood? Preferably, not making it the last "task" of the day either because that is when you are really too tired and are forced to dismiss it. I'm not saying sex has to be a chore all the time, there are many times that women are actually in the mood and don't need to be persuaded to have sex. But for those times when you are not in the mood and he's craving it. Just throw the guy a bone and let him go about his merry way, even if you have to muster up the enthusiasm for his sake. It's not like the act actually hurts when you do get going, it feels good for both. I know when I get home from my demanding as hell job, by the time we cook, eat, clean up, work out, study, it's time for bed and I'm just so exhausted, I can't even keep my eyes opened. On those days, I initiate sex with my boyfriend when I get home from work, maybe before we eat or after. 30 mins tops, and that's out of the way. We can then go back to cleaning and studying to finish up the night. Many times, sex is not even on my mind and I'm not horny but I KNOW that if we wait until I'm horny, we'll be having sex once a month and that's not kosher. So I just do it, like the Nike commercial said, I just go in for the kiss, one touch leads to another and my body gradually warms up to the idea. For mornings, I set my alarm 20 mins early, that way, I'm not thinking "I'll be late for work". It all sounds so mechanical and contrived but that is sometimes the reality of life and love. You do have to make time and make a conscious effort to do certain things AT TIMES. Anyway, that is my 2 cents, I know each person's story is different and I'm not married so maybe that is another ballgame entirely. From a man who doesn't get it nearly enough from his wife: PERFECT explanation. I agree 100%. And yes I do need to take care of my wife, as I do, but I wish she embraced what is written above.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You sound like a great girlfriend! And you are dead on that it's a NEED. I've had girlfriends like you, some that want it more often than I do(that's the best, but after a while it becomes like doing pushups), and those that won't do it. I think that if there is not a healthy sex life in a relationship, there's something wrong with the relationship. Someone as cool as you, I wouldn't even want you to do it if you didn't really want to. Part of the great part about it is when she wants it as much as you. You're very cool, and he's lucky to have you!
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, one more thing. Why not just let him go get it elsewhere?
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You sound like a great girlfriend! And you are dead on that it's a NEED. I've had girlfriends like you, some that want it more often than I do(that's the best, but after a while it becomes like doing pushups), and those that won't do it. And maybe this is why some women lose interest in sex..if the guy wants it more often than she does, after a while it becomes like doing pushups. What do you think? Just a thought. Personally my husband and I have pretty compatible sex drives. I think that if there is not a healthy sex life in a relationship, there's something wrong with the relationship. Would you also agree that if there is something wrong with the relationship there will not be a healthy sex life (just reversing what you said)? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg. Which comes first? Part of the great part about it is when she wants it as much as you. And isn't this how relationships usually start out?
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, one more thing. Why not just let him go get it elsewhere? Sure, why not, as long as she can also go get it elsewhere. Aren't open marriages great?
Woggle Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 In theory I have no issue with open marriages as long as both parties agree to it but I have rarely seen one that worked. Luckily my wife and I are like rabbits so this problem does not apply to us.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 And maybe this is why some women lose interest in sex..if the guy wants it more often than she does, after a while it becomes like doing pushups. What do you think? Just a thought. Personally my husband and I have pretty compatible sex drives. Yeah, but you're just laying there. So for a woman, it's not like doing pushups. I don't really care why a woman loses interest, if she loses interest(which has never actually happened to me I'm out! Would you also agree that if there is something wrong with the relationship there will not be a healthy sex life (just reversing what you said)? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg. Which comes first? And isn't this how relationships usually start out? Yup. Which means that if there is no sex, it's time to get out.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Sure, why not, as long as she can also go get it elsewhere. Aren't open marriages great? If that's what she needs to do, then I wouldn't say anything. I might however lose interest when her vagina starts to really loosen.
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Yeah, but you're just laying there. So for a woman, it's not like doing pushups. I don't really care why a woman loses interest, if she loses interest(which has never actually happened to me I'm out! Since when do women just lay there? I know I don't. When I'm turned on, I'm all over my guy. It's hard for a girl to "just lay there" when she's on top, or down below, or....you get what I'm saying. Maybe if you had some good ones that didn't just lay there you WOULD mind if she lost interest.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Since when do women just lay there? I know I don't. When I'm turned on, I'm all over my guy. It's hard for a girl to "just lay there" when she's on top, or down below, or....you get what I'm saying. Maybe if you had some good ones that didn't just lay there you WOULD mind if she lost interest. Hmmm... you sound like you'd be a fun lay
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If that's what she needs to do, then I wouldn't say anything. I might however lose interest when her vagina starts to really loosen. If she found a bigger penis that loosened her vagina she might lose interest in you as well. And I guess that's the beauty of being able to look elsewhere.
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hmmm... you sound like you'd be a fun lay My husband and I both have our share of fun. Thank you very much. BTW, the missionary position is one of the least satisfying positions for a woman because of where her G-spot is, so I avoid it as much as possible. (Not that you would really concern yourself with such matters, right?)
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 My husband and I both have our share of fun. Thank you very much. BTW, the missionary position is one of the least satisfying positions for a woman because of where her G-spot is, so I avoid it as much as possible. (Not that you would really concern yourself with such matters, right?) I am aware, but no I don't really care.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If she found a bigger penis that loosened her vagina she might lose interest in you as well. And I guess that's the beauty of being able to look elsewhere. Not entirely impossible, especially if she found John Holmes.
JackJack Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Not entirely impossible, especially if she found John Holmes. He is dead...better look elsewhere.
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I am aware, but no I don't really care. And therein lies the reason why your women "just lay there." Yawn. Two people having sex who don't really care about giving the other some mind-blowing sex. Your sex life doesn't sound too exciting, GuitarDude.
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 He is dead...better look elsewhere. OMG...funny. I didn't know who this was so I had to google it. Died of AIDS. Not funny.
949GuitarDude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 And therein lies the reason why your women "just lay there." Yawn. Two people having sex who don't really care about giving the other some mind-blowing sex. Your sex life doesn't sound too exciting, GuitarDude. Why don't you reread what I said. If women want it less than men, but do it out of courtesy, they just have to lay there. Guys still have to thrust.
taylor Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Why don't you reread what I said. If women want it less than men, but do it out of courtesy, they just have to lay there. Guys still have to thrust. Are you unfamiliar with how the various plumbing works? Did this clarify you knucklehead? Sorry, GuitarDude, but you are the one who said you had girlfriends who just laid their while you did pushups. Maybe you should go back and read it for yourself. That's all I was trying to do was offer you a solution to prevent you from having these boring sexual experiences...ie, find the G-spot and you won't ever have a girlfriend just laying there while you do pushups. I am very familiar with how the plumbing works and I work it. You are aware of the plumbing but don't care. That's why you are doing pushups with some of your girlfriends who seem to have little interest in you, ie, they just lay there.
audrey_1 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I skimmed through the thread, so I probably only have part of the picture of what's been said here, but...here's where I am with this sex thing with men and women. I've always been a lively partner, NEVER just laid there and never will. I like it on top, to the side, well you get the picture. I'm not crazy aggressive or into bondage or anything, but I do consider it a joyous activity, and I do it with a smile. It helps me to have an emotional connection with someone, I do enjoy it more that way. Perhaps that's the woman in me? But I have definitely engaged in mindless, NSA f*cking, too. It seems the partners whom I have had the best sex with, those I feel the most bonded to, are the relationships that prove to be the least successful, and shortest-lived. The quasi, lukewarm relationships, where I don't feel as satisfied physically as I should or could, seem to be the men who can't wait to put a ring on my finger. I don't get it, and it's really starting to concern me. I can't pinpoint the correlation and its relevance, and how to see that a future relationship can be BOTH emotionally and physically satisfying for me. I'm early 30s, and though I understand the biological/hormonal evidence presented here, am I to remain demure and "innocent" while wasting the prime of my life without rewarding sex, however I can get it??
audrey_1 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Still, it is the better choice. Whatever other problems you perceive in the relationship with your partner will only get *worse* if you stop having sex - a viscious circle will ensue. The only constructive approach is to keep having sex and also voice your concern/s. How hard is that for crying out loud . Sex is not a leverage, and it's not doing men a favor. This is a bad attitude. I agree. I WANT to have sex, but things happen that need to be discussed. It's important to me when I notice I actually CARE enough to bother with what he's thinking and feeling, and why I am uneasy or there seems to be something that isn't right. Speaking only for me, I would not use sex as a weapon. It's important to me, too, and I want it to continue. So, you'd want to make your SO one of those men? Yes, many single guys will: 1) utilize internet porn; 2) have ONSs with skanks; 3) date casually; 4) go see a hooker; 5) start dating someone seriously, not necessarily in this progression. Cases where guys are completely cut off sex are extremely unlikely - they either have some serious issues or are married . More to the point, it is NONE of your business to issue verdicts what your partner's needs (sexual or otherwise) SHOULD be. If your partner wants sex, then it is probably important to them. My most recent ex cut ME off from sex, and he's male. I thought our sex was pretty hot, and I surmised he felt the same based on our interactions and his reactions, but he cut me off when I started to not understand what was happening with us. He grew emotionally distant (like a girl?). We were LDR, and turns out, he was just getting some a little closer to home and didn't bother to share it with me. *sigh* That works when both of you are still in a place where you are trying to please each other and want to please each other. Problem is, in a lot of those threads about lack of sex, there are already many issues in the marriage that have been a problem for a long time, so neither person is in a mindspace where they are willing to go the extra mile when they are tired of seeing no return. Put another way, if your bf tapered off on taking care of your emotional needs, over time, taking you for granted, perhaps. Do you really think you'd be sooooo interested in making an effort to please him so much? Perhaps not, and this can and does swing both ways. AND a woman loses attraction and desire for that man who isn't treating her right and who isn't listening to her when she communicates. I've been in that situation - you try talking and talking and communicating, and no, he doesn't notice or accept or understand that anything is really wrong UNTIL you stop wanting to have sex. THEN, it's all, wha? huh? THEN, suddenly they notice there's something wrong. The thing is, THEN they think the problem is that you won't have sex with them! And they still don't consider that the real problems were all the things that you'd been talking about all along that they failed to hear, all the things that have caused you to lose desire for them in the first place. They don't quite get it that lack of desire for sex is a symptom of other problems in the relationship, not the main problem. Because to them, it is the main problem. Obviously, not ALL men are like this. But, the ones whose wives/gf's aren't having sex with them should at least stop and consider whether there are deeper problems in the relationship. I'm the woman. This happened to me in reverse. I love sex but if no woman is available it is just as easy to masterbate. The problem is that sex is a big way of how a man feels loved in a relationship and when a woman cuts it off it is obvious there are issues on her part. When a woman cuts him off a man wonders what the hell is wrong. See above. I'm the one who got screwed...or not, ha ha. Good option. I think that a big attraction for many men to the player lifestyle is that when a woman starts acting up you can kick her to the curb and replace her with a fresh model. It's a very rare woman that doesn't cause that drama and those are the ones worth keeping around. Perhaps this is truer than I'd like to admit. Apparently when I had an inkling of something being off with us, or his wandering eye, or wanting to communicate about how we could make things better for both of us, or disrupting that sweet status-quo in his mind, he bolted. The grass for him was greener, and newer, and not as complicated. Guess he's turned out to be a serial honeymoon phaser. Too bad for him, because I genuinely loved, and love him. I would have stood with him through thick and thin...all the while having sex with a smile that was coming from the best part of me I could give. Whatever.
Woggle Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I don't even think that men are honeymoon phasers but when a woman starts picking at everything he does and nagging 24/7 it is only a matter of time before the inevitable happens.
Jennifer26 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think that Taylor is onto something, Guitardude. In my last relationship I would just lay there in bed, and let him get off. I was never very into it, and mostly just agreed to sex so he'd stop bugging me. Boy did things change when I entered into my next relationship. I realized my ex was not very good in bed, or concerned with anything other than his own getting off. In my new relationship, he actually cared about whether or not I had an orgasm, and he was amazing! Ten years later, the sex is still amazing, and I find I have sex on the mind quite often. Also, I am for more into it and willing to take the lead. I never just "lay there" even if he's in the lead I'll push back into him, or gyrate my hips or do something to help things along. But often, I am on top and in complete control.
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