smile_through_tears Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think I have gotten to a point where Im going CRAZY!! I swear instead of better it is only getting worse....NC for some b/s reason doesnt help me, its literally driving me insane...and I have been pretending to be over him for soo long, if i come out of nowhere telling him i still love him and miss him--i highly doubt anything would come out of it but im so sick of keeping it in...what the hell is wrong with me?? why cant i let go?? why why!!!!!! should i write him a letter?
blondesmiler Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 should i write him a letter? Yes def, then burn it and flush it down the toilet. Do not post it too him. The writing will help but you will regret it if you post it and just start the whole "getting over him" process again because you'll be sitting waiting, hoping for a reply, wondering about him and his thoughts. It just isn't worth it.
wowIlose Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Of course not. Unless you intentions are to push him further away - which might actually be good because it will give you that closure you need. But in reality a letter will do no good, especially a letter declaring your love for him. Stay strong! I can relate on the ups and downs... the faking part and I can definitely relate on the many times I have had strong urges to contact my ex (and sometimes did) but at the end contacting the ex and breaking NC only made me feel worse. Just stick to it! You need to occupy more of your time with other activities. It definitely helps. Just don't write any letters
Peter_pan Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 how long has it been you to not together.? write it and do send it. just dont hold out for a response. at least it will help you move on knowing you have said all you can
Island Girl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You should write the letter. Say EVERYTHING you want to say in as much detail as you possibly can. Even if you repeat yourself somewhat. And then burn it. Do not send it to him. If you did send it you then would be guessing whether you were going to get a reply and if you didn't, did he even get it?, should you write another one?, but then the same thing might happen so maybe you should just call and say what you have to say, and you will never be prepared enough for a horrible response if you get one. Don't go down that road. It is so not good for you. In the end that move will take you back to square one.
Juno Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 One word of advice from a crazy ex that has done it all....... HELL NO! DON'T WRITE A LETTER. Take it from me...I have called, texted, emailed, and even showed up on his doorstep. All I got and continue to receive is a kick in the teeth. No response, communication or acknowledgment. When and if your ex is ready, he will come to you. It will be so much sweeter then.
paperchase Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 nothing good can come from writing a letter under the cirumstances. you will feel good the minute you send it and horrible about an hour later. you are sending it hoping for a certain response. you likely won't get any and if you do get one, like the movie says, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH." how long have you been NC anyway?
Zapbasket Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Only write him if you think you can accept absolute silence for an answer. Most of the time, honestly, the best thing to do is maintain your own silence, for your own healing. The feelings of desperation and wanting to communicate with him will dissipate. It might take a while but they will. However, if you feel you must, then do it. Just keep your hopes conservative. If he broke up with you, then the ball really is in HIS court to contact YOU if he wants communication with you. It sounds impossible when you're in the throes of a breakup, but it really is that simple. I know it's hard. Hugs to you ((((((hugs)))))))
EasyHeart Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I've written this sort of letter in the past. The result was that my ex never spoke to me ever again. Don't do it. Just don't!
Author smile_through_tears Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 thanks everyone for your response..i dont have the guts to send it to him anyway...and he has been contacting me through facebook and i ignored it....now he has stopped...im wondering if i should get all this off my chest before i go INSANE or just keep driving my friends insane and see a therapist?? im letting him get off way too easily...im suffering and he has no idea... am i keeping my dignity or just reliving him off his guilt??? im so sick of this!!
Kage111 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Since it seems everyone here is telling you no, I'll share my own experience. After a month of NC with my ex I decided to write her a very long, very emotional letter. (And yes, NC gets worse before it gets better) Anyways, in it, I put everything I was feeling for that month, every little word. Whenever I felt something, I put it in there. Basically it was "I miss you, I hate you, please come back, I never want to see you again..." sort of thing. And I gave it to her, and I haven't heard from her in another month, but I have nothing more to tell her. I told her everything in that letter and it didn't do anything to change how she felt... And now I feel free. Sure, I may never get back with the girl I had been crying over for three months, but she knows how I feel and since she doesn't care, it helped. But if you don't think you'll be able to handle it, don't do it.
nospin360 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I am considering writing my ex girlfriend a similar such letter, but I know what I am going to end it with: "Do not reply/respond to this" In this way I can give her the letter without risking heartache if she ignores it and I was expecting a response. Also, I'll probably even have a friend give her the note instead of handing it to her myself. This way I avoid getting a "wtf?/annoyed" look from her upon giving it to her. ...granted we haven't said a word to each other ever since she told me she was seeing someone else (less than a month after she broke up with me.) This is despite the fact that we sit arms length from each other for about an hour almost everyday (same class)
Surfer Girl Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I felt the need for closure and wrote a letter that I did not send many a time until I was able to get my emotions together enough to not beg, try to get back together and accepted the fact he may not write back... It was on a very positive note... the memories of what I felt passionate about with him....... I let him know the good memories and then let it go... It was a relief for me... as I had the overwhelming desire to share,whether he felt the same way or not.... It just made it easier for me to move on....
lonetiger Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 i agree with everyone...don't send him a letter. go out and buy a journal and in it, write your letters to him. in your journal, express how you feel about him, what was it about him that you loved, how he made you feel, how you feel about the break up ect...every time you feel the urge to write him, grab your journal and go "write happy". but never send him those letters, they are for you. like everyone has said, sending him a letter right now sweetie, you will push him farther away. i know this off hand, because i did it myself (i'm at a month and half break up point) i pushed him farther away by sending him a letter, and now he changed his email address. take what everyone here is saying to heart, because i feel that somewhere down the line we all made the mistake of sending a letter. seriously, write your letters in a journal. who knows, maybe one day you two will end up together and the great thing that you can share with him is the journal tht you had written in..good luck and stay strong
Author smile_through_tears Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 i guess i should include that we broke up 6 months ago and i am NOT good still...crazy, yes i know..too much suffering for too long...i wouldnt beg..i wanted to write a letter to touch his heart..he has been trying to contact me...we said we would remain friends...I MISS HIM TERRIBLY and i cant seem to move on...its so hard to explain, u need to feel it or i guess be in my life to truly understand but trust me when i say this isnt EASY AT ALL!!!
Tryng2Trust08 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 It is up to you if you want to write a letter, the only thing is don't expect any kind of response....or you may get a negative response. If you want it to clear your conscious then I would or write the letter when you are not so emotional. I believe you are having a hard time moving on due to the fact u guys have kept contact, its like you have been holding onto something and now it's time to let go. As soon as the contact stops, and you are doing the right thing with NC you are going to be able to move on better. How long have u gone without having any contatc with him?
TheKingKopite Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 i guess i should include that we broke up 6 months ago and i am NOT good still...crazy, yes i know..too much suffering for too long...i wouldnt beg..i wanted to write a letter to touch his heart..he has been trying to contact me...we said we would remain friends...I MISS HIM TERRIBLY and i cant seem to move on...its so hard to explain, u need to feel it or i guess be in my life to truly understand but trust me when i say this isnt EASY AT ALL!!! You aint the only one in the world who feels the "love pain" your just like the rest of us here. The reason people are getting on with there life is because they have to or your going to end up lonely and sad for the rest of your life. So pick yourself up.
Author smile_through_tears Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 NC for a month I think..somewhere around that...and I dont know whether its better to be his friend or completely let it go. He was my best friend, I love him and I dont want us to become even more distant...
AgentSmith2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I can totally relate to you. She was my best friend. I love her, still, with every fiber in my being. I can't let go of the the hope that one day we will be together. I can't. I try to let go but I can't. For me, it has gotten worse, not better. I wrote a letter to my ex and emailed it to her last Friday. Ostensibly, the letter was to apologize to her for something really stupid I did about a month after she broke up with me but it was also an attempt to get her back. She said she never wanted to talk to me again after what I did. Since then, we'd had NC for about six weeks. She's 32, BTW. In the letter, in addition to apologizing, I also outlined all the things I had done to grow from the break up and then ended it by asking if she would accept my invitation to friendship with me. About an hour later, she replied and said thank you for the apology...of course she forgives me. She then ended it by saying she didn't think it was a good idea to be friends since we had been so close. That was not what I wanted. In my perfect world, she would have said she wanted to get back together. The next day, however, she sent me a text out of the blue asking if I'd gotten her email reply. "Why," I asked, "would she text me to see if I got her email if her email didn't need a reply? She must be interested still!" I got SO excited. I dreamed about her that night. The next day, Sunday, I texted her back saying I did get her reply and asking about her weekend and some other stuff. I never heard back. I had gotten my hopes SO high because she had texted me out of the blue, and then when she didn't reply, I took a major nose-dive. I was semi-suicidal Monday and Tuesday. Seriously. I wasn't doing well before the letter, but the letter made it worse. If I were going to do the letter again, I think I woud just be totally up-front with her and tell her exactly what I wanted to say. First, I still would have apologized. I still would have told her about the fact that I've done a lot to change since our break-up, but then I would have told her exactly what I want: I want to meet you for coffee or lunch and talk to you. I still love you. I was not genuine when I said I wanted to be friends with her. I said that because I didn't want to scare her off. So, that's my experience with a letter during NC. The after-effects of sending it nearly killed me. I was dry-heaving. I was shaking. I couldn't eat. I cried. Etc. I can totally relate to where you are wanting to send the letter. For me, it made me worse.
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