My boyfriend is doing coke but is lying to me about it!!!!

[ashley6045]

Hey guys,

ive been with my boyfriend for 10 months and in the past he has done coke. When I first got with him he did it one day and he told me straight after. I told him then and there that I hate drugs and will not tolerate him doing it. A few months later I found out he had done it again I asked him and he denied it but eventialy he told me he had. I went mad and told him if he does it again that will be it.

He has a friend who does coke and I think he influences him to do it, if it wasnt for his friend doing it I dont think he would do it. I looked at his phone the other day and Ive found out yet again hes done it again. I asked him if he had and he has said no. I dont know what to do cause if I tell him hel know ive been looking on his phone. I dont know what to do anymore cause I love him and I want to be with him but I cant put up with knowing hes lying to me. He thinks theres nothing wrong that he does it now and again and that its not as if hes hooked. Anyhelp much appreciated.

 

Ashley

[whichwayisup]

He is going to choose coke over you. If I were in your shoes, I'd leave..Even though you love him, there is NOTHING you can do to make him stop unless he is ready to stop.

 

He's lying to you and doesn't care BECAUSE the urge to do coke is stronger and taking over his life.

 

If you can't put up with his drug use, leave. Don't settle for anything less..

 

Maybe if you do leave, it'll wake him up that he's losing a good thing with you.

[JackJack]

Don't keep telling him you're going to end it if he does it again and then not end it...because he thinks you're not serious. Besides, more than likely he is going to keep doing it, because his addiction at this point is stronger than he is. It might be best if you suggest some help for him, then it might be best to walk away from the situation. It doesn't mean you don't care, it just means you can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves.

[gopher]

The friend isn't making him do coke, he is hanging with that friend so he CAN do coke...It's all on him.

[2sunny]

you'll never win over the coke. you stay - you deal with the lies and cover up. he may steal from you too.

 

leave him, you aren't in a relationship with him anyway - you are in a relationship with the coke.

[Groovy]

Usually someone doing coke is into other things like binge drinking, smoking pot and other regular drug use thaty slowly changes them. Not too many people do coke a "few times" without being an addict to the substance world. I did it once 19 years ago and at the time I was consumed with other things and a different person I didn't want to be. But at the time it all made sense.

 

You can feel like you love someone and they will become a different person in the worst way. They may become lazy, violent toward you, steal, lie or just give up caring when you saw them as wonderful. They may be great around you and when their drunk or high unpredicatable and dangerous. And watching someone you care about destroy themselves as you helplessly watch is no fun either.

 

Keep in mind a drug user may minimize behavior, cover it up, do it when your not around, etc. All I am saying is please be careful and don't go for false promises. If he knows it bothers you but does it anyway it sounds like he might have a problem. If it's no big deal than why doesn't he just stop when it's a big deal to you?

[Geishawhelk]

If it's a big deal to you, put your money where your mouth is and ditch the guy now.

Drugs will always - but always - win over emotions.

In comparison to his exes, you are the one.

In comparison to coke - you are no competition.

 

get out of there, and fast.

Full stop, no arguments, logic, reasoning, excuses, justifications.

You have none.

 

Get out, now.

[not_a_happy_camper]

I agree with everything everyone above has said.

 

Drop him now. You already gave him an ultimatum. He gives up coke, or you go. He did it again. You didn't leave. He clearly does not respect you or your wishes. The drug has become more important. And because you didn't follow through on what you said before..................he now thinks he can get away with it. he's like a big child lacking discipline. except he's an adult. and he now has to learn to suffer the consequences of his behaviour. You need to follow through. show him you won't take this. Leave and don't come back, because you can't win in this situation.

 

And as for checking his phone? do NOT feel guilty. You were doing yourself a favour. You had your reasons for suspecting he was doing coke again. You can justify your need to go there, because you can't trust what he says. And the answers you found when checking his phone have proven this. Surely this behaviour is not as bad as his lying to you in the first place? He hasn't a foot to stand on.