lovehimsomuch Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Me and my bf of 4 years got separated for 2 months, after that we decided get back together, but now I feel like everything was my fault, like I´m not good enough and that he is going to found out any minute and leave again...He actually is being great right now, I know all this is in my mind and I haven´t mentioned it bc he will probably tell me i´m wrong....The thing is, I think...that all this breakup thing made my selfsteem go downwards completely and I don´t know how to feel good about myself now??? I need help with that, bc actually the selfsteem issue could harm my relationship now....I use to feel great about myself, but when we split he told me he got sick of me and he didn´t though he loved me anymore...when we got back together he apologized for saying that and said that he didn´t meant it....it was just said bc we were fighting so much back then....but that he really loves me with all his heart....but I keep having this horrible feeling that he is going to leave me again...we´ve been together for a week and something, so i guess with time I´ll feel like myself again...any suggestions of how could I feel better about myself?
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Get counselling to help you gain your self confidence back. Talk to your friends and family too.. Start being GOOD to yourself. When you start to feel bad, think negative thoughts, do your best to talk it out(loud) and convince yourself that what you're thinking IS NOT true. Why did you two break up?
Author lovehimsomuch Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 it was kind of complicated, we moved back from US and ended up living in his mother house, just for a few months, but that kind off deteriorated our relationship.....when we were together, before the breakup, we had a wonderful relationship (i have 2 kids from another relationship, and the kids love him and so does he)...but during the separation he acted soooooooooo distant, he never called the kids, he seemed cold and I really though he fell out of love for us....now he wants to fix everything but he is not very expressive(he has always been like that and I never really care, bc I´m so affectionate, it was ok...I´m the kind of person who loves to kiss all the time and to sleep in his arms and all that...) but now I really need some reassurance, I need him to tell me he loves me all the time, I don´t want to ask for that obviously...so I think the only thing left is for me to work in my selfsteem, so that I will feel good about myself....that way I probably won´t feel insecure about everything...am I right?
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 He can say I love you 100 times...It's more important right now to see his actions.. Him reassuring you 24/7 will get old eventually. And yes, once you gain self confidence and learn to trust again, you'll be fine.
Meaplus3 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Well you have just been through a break up and it's tough. I'd suggest trying to find things that you enjoy to keep yourself busy. If that does not seem to help, then seeing a therapist might be an avenue for you to explore. Most important try to relax.. and realize that these feelings are just part of the healing process. You will feel better. Just may take sometime. Mea:)
Author lovehimsomuch Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 I want to thank you for your answers....I guess all I need is time to heal like you said. I´ll try to do things for me too. It´s hard, I guess I´m afraid of losing him again, it felt so awful....now I just want him to be happy and that is stressful bc his happiness can´t be my responsability...everyone is responsible for their own happiness, and right now I have to make myself happy again...that is the only way to actually have a healthy relationship....see I know the theory, but in real life is not that easy...is it?
headlesschicken Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 i think we lose respect for ourselves when we placeour happiness on other people. step back, analyze yourself, see where you can help yourself FOR YOU and not involving him or anyone else. make sure you function as a whole person without any strings (people, situations) attached. this might help. when you realize you're a whole person who doesn't NEED him you'll be better able to decide if you WANT him.
Author lovehimsomuch Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Easier said than done...but so true, and again, I know the theory, I´m just not sure on how to do it...I´ve been always in a relationship, I had always feel that if I made my bf happy and he is happy then I´ll be happy...later in life I realize I was wrong, so I decided to make me happy, but I always end up doing things for him, is almost unconscious...I´m shopping for me and end up looking for something nice for him....and that happens with my kids too (of course that is not a bad things, my kids are ALWAYS first) but my point is, I always end up last in my list of priorities....I was always a pleaser, since I was a little girl I did everything to please my mom, my dad, my friends, my bf, everyone around...so now that I realize this....I have NO idea on how to make ME happy!!
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