Molley Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 She doesn't initiate sex? Why not? Maybe she's bored with you. They say only the boring get bored. Maybe she's irritated because you're looking at porn instead of spending time with the kids. Maybe she's tired, too. You boo-hoo your life and blame your wife. Is her life any better than yours? Is she finding great happiness in her life at your expense? What are you doing to make her life happier? Did you ever stop to think maybe you are both in the same boat? I think you need to grow up, take care of your responsibilities, and quit blaming others...your wife and kids... for your unhappiness. You chose this life, you don't like it, and now you are trying to point your finger at everyone else for your unhappiness. Try turning that finger around at pointing it at yourself. Right on Taylor So well put and so true... my H said the same stuff to me, he's bored, we're boring... but honestly, what did he do to change the situation? Big fat NOTHING, just sat and kept dropping hints that I never picked up on. You want to stop the bordom? Talk to your wife, show her some love and affection, make the plans for the both of you and follow through on them Don't just sit and complain about it.
Juristhea Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Right on Taylor So well put and so true... my H said the same stuff to me, he's bored, we're boring... but honestly, what did he do to change the situation? Big fat NOTHING, just sat and kept dropping hints that I never picked up on. You want to stop the bordom? Talk to your wife, show her some love and affection, make the plans for the both of you and follow through on them Don't just sit and complain about it. The phrase "The squeaky wheel gets the oil" is never applicable to marriage.
Tizzy Posted May 3, 2009 Posted May 3, 2009 Why doesn't the 6-yo go to school during the day? How can someone have time to watch porn during the day but not have time to study? I'm so confused. I agree with the folks who say your husband is an immature wimp that needs to grow up and face the responsibilities he's helped create. Life is not always ideal but how we look at situations affects how we deal with them. Explain this to your guy and encourage him to find solutions to the issues instead of moping about them. Is he excited about the whole English prof thing? WHy does he want to be one? Is there another avenue he can take to get there that might be better for him mentally and for the family? If this man isn't willing to man-up and do what's best for his kids and the family, then you need to seriously consider leaving him. You can do bad all by yourself and the last thing you need is to have to take care of another grown person who's not holding up their end of the marriage bargain. Tell him to get it together or you're leaving him, and back up what you say! Put a time limit on it and start planning your way out. If he doesn't shape up, you and your children need to ship out. Trust me, you will feel much better in the long run.
Author Jennifer26 Posted May 6, 2009 Author Posted May 6, 2009 Since my last post a lot has happened. I'll try to be brief, so that this post doesn't go on forever. I've never really sat my husband down and told him strait up how I feel about all of this. I've sugarcoated things, or have made a remark here or there - but I've not really just come out with all of it and explained how I feel. I suppose mostly because I don't want a heated argument, and really I felt like it was pointless. Mostly I just look for ways to improve the situation without involving him much. Needless to say, things have been brewing inside of me for sometime. Saturday my husband and I are driving to a small river town we like to visit. As we're driving we begin discussing literature, and specifically a poem. I made a flippant remark about the poem, and basically insulted the poem and the author. My husband I felt, flipped out on me. He accused me of bashing all literature (which honestly made no sense) and his career choice. Which was not at all what I was doing. I'm in a book club where we read, discuss and critique literature regularly. Clearly, I am not insulting writers, or literature. It was just a remark about one specific piece of work. The argument became heated, and then turned into us not talking and then going home and him leaving. I was so livid. I thought it was the final straw that broke the camels back.I called my husband up and told him what an ungrateful ******* he was. I went into great detail about how much the kids and I sacrifice so that he can pursue his dream career. How many times I've rearranged my work schedule so that he could go to classes, taken on most of the household duties, missed events, taken care of his tuition and filled out necessary documents, fafsas, etc. I will be with the kids alone this mothers day because he has finals to study for. I've been nothing but supportive, and I've not received one shred of appreciation for it. He acts as though his studies are a great burden, and we're hindering him. When infact, we've been nothing but supportive and accommodating, and it's a great privilege that he's able to be in school at all. Lastly, and I have really summarized here, I told him how all this time I've been stuck in a career I never wanted to stay in so he can do this. He knows I've wanted to go back to college myself, but we put all of our resources and energy into him completing his education first. Me being younger, it made sense. Well now I'm approaching 30, and he's not close to finished. I've put my dreams on hold for his. And not one shred of appreciation do I get from him for it. I didn't sugarcoat anything, I spelled it all out for him bluntly. It sunk in. I could see from the look on his face he realized he'd been acting selfishly, and had never thought about this from any other perspective than his own. He didn't consider what life was like for me, or the kids. That all he does is piss and moan, and never once thinks how lucky he is to be pursuing his dream and having a family that supports him in every way they can. He's been incredibly apologetic ever since. Doing random nice things, for me and the kids. Telling me over and over that he wants me to realize how much he loves me. I don't want him to grovel at my feet, I just want him to treat us better and appreciate what he does have.
taylor Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 I don't want him to grovel at my feet, I just want him to treat us better and appreciate what he does have. Honest communication. Great start, Jennifer. But don't you want more than what you say you do in the quote above? Don't you want more help with the childcare? And what about your education? Your dreams? Or are you satisfied with the arrangement you and your husband have..as long as he tells you he appreciates your support and sacrifice?
Author Jennifer26 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 Honest communication. Great start, Jennifer. But don't you want more than what you say you do in the quote above? Don't you want more help with the childcare? And what about your education? Your dreams? Or are you satisfied with the arrangement you and your husband have..as long as he tells you he appreciates your support and sacrifice? I would be satisfied if my husband was just able to recognize what we give up so that he can pursue his education. We don't get to eat dinner together most nights, my boys don't have a dad around to play with and if he is around he always has school work. I go to all school meetings, doctors appointments, pick my son up from school, go to family functions and so on by myself mostly. Often I've felt like a single parent. Really, my life is structured as if I were - except on Saturdays and that is only if my husband doesn't have any upcoming papers to important school work. I don't mean to sound like a martyr - I would be happy to do all of this for my husband if only he seemed to appreciate it. Hell, I'll even take not being a huge ******* all of the time and blaming everyone around him for his problems. But we did discuss my education, and I've begun the process of enrollment for Fall 2009. I'm going to take one online class per semester. Someday I'll need to go back because the online class selection is limited and I would like to learn somethings hands on. But it's a start for now.
taylor Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I would be satisfied if my husband was just able to recognize what we give up so that he can pursue his education. We don't get to eat dinner together most nights, my boys don't have a dad around to play with and if he is around he always has school work. I go to all school meetings, doctors appointments, pick my son up from school, go to family functions and so on by myself mostly. Often I've felt like a single parent. I certainly have no crystal ball, but this "arrangement" you describe above can actually be very detrimental to a marriage. It can lead to you and your husband leading parallel lives. And it can lead to a slow erosion of the marriage which seems to be getting put on the back-burner because other things are taking far more priority. Not saying this will happen. But it can. I hope you aren't setting yourself up for it. It's not a good thing when you start "feeling" like a single parent.
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