clv0116 Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 At this point you should probably concentrate on 2 things; first, just get out and interact. Second, don't concentrate on one, if you have a number of different people you're communicating with you won't be as likely to succumb to tunnel vision.
Phateless Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 I have a lot to learn about the phone and my least favorite game of phone tag. I finally got a rejection email. She didn't explaicitly say why, but it's clear that I called too much. I certainly acted desperate. Complicated rules, but at least I know what they are. Now if I could just follow them without letting my emotions get in the way. Organic chemistry was never this hard! I'm already talking to another woman on the site and always serching for more. That link was great reading! Glad you liked it! You're learning, you're making progress. You are able to look back and clearly see what went wrong, so the mistakes aren't in vain. Just keep pushing.
Author 39388 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 I'm now emailing another woman I met online. We exhanged emails just today and have emailed back and forth. How do I know when to exchange telephone numbers or to set up a first date? What are some hints a woman may gave me? I'm not going to constantly check the email this time, which may calm me down.
D-Lish Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 You're right. I'm going to to try and flirt with and ask out as many women as possible and need to keep doing this until I'm at the kissing stage with a woman, which may be a few dates. Definitely a change from how I used to think. No- until you are at the penetration stage with a woman. That is when things may change a bit. Until then- push forward with everything you have. Kissing is good- but not a passage to everything. Keep your options open, keep flirting, practice-practice until you meet someone you actually want to be with. Don't settle- you're in danger of settling right now, I can feel it. The first girl that comes along- bitch or not...if you get a kiss- she's in. That's what I think you'll do and I don't want you to go there. Value my friend. Value yourself and everything you know you have to offer. Not a first kiss. That's your passport into fun-ville. You can kiss whatever you want. Make sure the one you want to close the deal with is worthy of you.
Author 39388 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 No- until you are at the penetration stage with a woman. That is when things may change a bit. Until then- push forward with everything you have. Kissing is good- but not a passage to everything. Keep your options open, keep flirting, practice-practice until you meet someone you actually want to be with. Don't settle- you're in danger of settling right now, I can feel it. The first girl that comes along- bitch or not...if you get a kiss- she's in. That's what I think you'll do and I don't want you to go there. Value my friend. Value yourself and everything you know you have to offer. Not a first kiss. That's your passport into fun-ville. You can kiss whatever you want. Make sure the one you want to close the deal with is worthy of you. It may be that I'm too slow in the physical aspects. It would seem to take a long long time before I'd be ready for the "penetration phase", but how would I really know until I get closer? I don't know if I could multidate once there's physical intimacy. Again, I don't really know until I get closer. Yes, that is a concern that you brought up and something to watch out for. I should not settle for someone I really don't like. I've yet to get close enough to anyone to really know what they are like in person. Right now, I just want to be able to get to the first meeting in person to see what it is like. What a long complex process, but at least I'm getting started.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I'm just turning 35 and have never had a date. I am now convinced I should try rather than give up. I do not know when to jump in. A problem is I am angry about my lack of dates and know this anger could mess things up if I'm dating. Most of my anger over the last 15+ years has come from being alone and dateless. I don't know if this anger will damage my chances with a woman even if I do find someone. I'm most afraid that I'd be mad if she is into the *heavy* game playing, which I don't think I could handle or if she had a habit of not telling the truth. I am very loyal to friends and don't believe in playing games with people's emotions. I get upset too when I read literally hundreds of threads by women here and elsewhere saying where have all the good guys gone. I want to say "right here" but then they say he must be hot. I feel about as hot as a 10 degree day. I feel I'm no more than a 3 in looks and everyone around me looks better. I am just over 6 feet, but feel I'm surrounded by better looking people. I am kind of like the so called "nice guy", but not always. Some of the time I can be very bold and stand up for myself and put myself first, but other times I always just want to please others. I went back to school and am working on a doctorate, own a decent place to live in a nice neighborhood and am doing fairly well financially. I don't know whether to start dating soon or work on getting rid of some of this anger about being alone. It seems hard to do one without the other! I wonder how many people are just passing on responding to this just because it sounds like such a downer of a statement. Beyond that, the biggest secret to finding a mate for the long haul is meeting LOTS and LOTS of people. So even if it isn't directly in the interest of finding a mate, start putting yourself in places where you're bound to meet lots of people! And you just never know from which direction that really unique person will enter your life. It could indeed take many more years. Lets not lie. It is likely going to take you meeting a whole lot more candidates to find someone to date than it will somebody who accurately assesses themselves an "8" or higher on the scale of physical attractiveness. However, you need only find one, so you really shouldn't rule that out as a possibility. Sit back and think about the things you enjoy in life and then make your efforts at meeting LOTS more people who are likely to enjoy the same thing(s). (we'll leave it up to you to decide the avenue for that) In time someone will begin to respond favorably to you, and perhaps give you a little bit of the attention which may ignite an urge within you for more (which in turn will inspire you to refine yourself for the better in various ways). Stay optimistic and hopeful!!
Author 39388 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 Lets not lie. It is likely going to take you meeting a whole lot more candidates to find someone to date than it will somebody who accurately assesses themselves an "8" or higher on the scale of physical attractiveness. However, you need only find one, so you really shouldn't rule that out as a possibility. It may be time to start a new thread since I was really down when I first started this one. I thought I was a 3 for many years, but a number of people who have seen what I look like now tell me that it is not true and I look much better. I'm no 10, but much of me being so down on my looks was in my head.
D-Lish Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 It may be that I'm too slow in the physical aspects. It would seem to take a long long time before I'd be ready for the "penetration phase", but how would I really know until I get closer? I don't know if I could multidate once there's physical intimacy. Again, I don't really know until I get closer. Yes, that is a concern that you brought up and something to watch out for. I should not settle for someone I really don't like. I've yet to get close enough to anyone to really know what they are like in person. Right now, I just want to be able to get to the first meeting in person to see what it is like. What a long complex process, but at least I'm getting started. You get close by touching. Bottom line, Usually the elbow to start. It's a non-sexual place and you can get a reaction by the touch. Even if it's just a tap- it's a touch!!!! And it plants a seed. If they pull away- so do you (move on) . If they don't, or turn into you- just stay charming and turn into them. When you feel confident- do this: (because it has affected me).... Turn your head to the side (tilted), look at the woman up and down~ then look them in the eyes and say: "Wow, you're a beautiful girl". THEN- after a smile and a spin. You turn around and talk to your friends or whomever. You leave them be. No eggs in one basket. If you have a couple girls you are juggling on your dating site- look for more. Get more. Talk to more. Gather more. If you get answers from chicks on the site and you don't know how to answer.... ask here! We'll tell you. Never look at it as "IF" I meet chicks... think of it as "WHEN" I meet chicks. When, When, When. What can we call you other than a number? I'd like a name on top of the number. "Scott, Dave, Ryan" All good names.
clv0116 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I thought I was a 3 for many years, but a number of people who have seen what I look like now tell me that it is not true and I look much better. I'm no 10, but much of me being so down on my looks was in my head. That doesn't matter much anyway. Dirty little secret - many women are about 100x more neurotic and self-image-messed up than any guy I've ever met.
Phateless Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I'm now emailing another woman I met online. We exhanged emails just today and have emailed back and forth. How do I know when to exchange telephone numbers or to set up a first date? What are some hints a woman may gave me? I'm not going to constantly check the email this time, which may calm me down. Depends on how she's reacting. A good rule of thumb would be after three signs of interest, or one to three emails in each direction. No- until you are at the penetration stage with a woman. That is when things may change a bit. Until then- push forward with everything you have. Kissing is good- but not a passage to everything. Keep your options open, keep flirting, practice-practice until you meet someone you actually want to be with. Don't settle- you're in danger of settling right now, I can feel it. The first girl that comes along- bitch or not...if you get a kiss- she's in. That's what I think you'll do and I don't want you to go there. Value my friend. Value yourself and everything you know you have to offer. Not a first kiss. That's your passport into fun-ville. You can kiss whatever you want. Make sure the one you want to close the deal with is worthy of you. Yes, yes, and YES! Except to not push forward ALL the time. Knowing when to slow down, roll off, and pull away is important. Leaving her wanting more is one of the single most powerful tools you have in your arsenal. It's all practice. That doesn't matter much anyway. Dirty little secret - many women are about 100x more neurotic and self-image-messed up than any guy I've ever met. SOOOO true, lol! *sigh* You have no idea how true this is, lol.
clv0116 Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 SOOOO true, lol! *sigh* You have no idea how true this is, lol. Oh dude, it's goofy. One of the girls I'm dating is an absolute doll, but she still is shy about her body in a well lit room. My god, she's like, an 8.5 and I'm pretty picky! She's practically a goddess but the lights have to be dim or she's covering up.
Phateless Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Oh dude, it's goofy. One of the girls I'm dating is an absolute doll, but she still is shy about her body in a well lit room. My god, she's like, an 8.5 and I'm pretty picky! She's practically a goddess but the lights have to be dim or she's covering up. really eye-opening isn't it? If someone that hot can see herself so badly, imagine how good-looking our OP could turn out to be? I honestly thought I was a 4 or a 5 for many years. Over my process of going through what our OP is going through, I discovered that I was a 6, a 7, an 8, and now my latest picture is holding steady at 9.1. Apparently I'm hot. Who knew? Our minds can play some pretty twisted tricks on us at times.
Author 39388 Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 This is tough. 3 women so far say they are interested and suddenly cut off contact. I've made mistakes too. Even when I know the right thing to say in internet chat I forget and say something so dumb. I don't want to go blaming either the woman or I. The dating game is the toughest most cutthroat game in the world. I still think I'll be able to get a date. Maybe it will take a few months, but that is not long for someone my age. At least I'm trying.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 How old are you 39388 if you don't mind me asking?
Author 39388 Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 How old are you 39388 if you don't mind me asking? I'm 35. Getting up there!
yeex Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 The dating game is the toughest most cutthroat game in the world. It can be. One little mistake and you can be out without a second chance unfortunately. Not always like that, but it can happen. Also don't regret mistakes that you make, because you will learn from them and get better. Anyways online dating is kind of weird. I have done it a few times. Cutting contact for no apparent reason happens. Also who knows, you may hear from them after a couple of weeks. Whatever you do, don't keep sending them messages asking where they went or anything. Keep trying and you will eventually get that date. However if you only rely on the online dating thing, you will be sure to be disappointed. As others have already said, online dating should just supplement asking girls out in the real world. Good luck bro!
Author 39388 Posted April 3, 2009 Author Posted April 3, 2009 It can be. One little mistake and you can be out without a second chance unfortunately. Not always like that, but it can happen. Also don't regret mistakes that you make, because you will learn from them and get better. Anyways online dating is kind of weird. I have done it a few times. Cutting contact for no apparent reason happens. Also who knows, you may hear from them after a couple of weeks. Whatever you do, don't keep sending them messages asking where they went or anything. However keep trying and you will eventually get that date. However if you only rely on the online dating thing, you will be sure to be disappointed. As others have already said, online dating should just supplement asking girls out in the real world. Good luck bro! It is about not giving up and I have to remember that it is likely every bit as stressful for the women on there as it is for me. I need to give it time. It might take getting burned many times before I find love.
yeex Posted April 3, 2009 Posted April 3, 2009 I need to give it time. It might take getting burned many times before I find love. Yes, you are right. I look at it as a process. Disappointments and rejection is part of the process of finding love. You cannot find love without feeling those pains. The more you do it, the more you realize those are just part of the process and nothing wrong with you personally. Everybody experiences those. Again, learn from the mistakes and don't get too hard on yourself with regretful feelings. I have had to overcome that myself a few times.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I'm 35. Getting up there! Age is not so much a number more so how old you feel I think I'm 31 and I feel young I still get carded too 35s not getting up there now 55-60 maybe lol..
Author 39388 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 I know there are good women out there. I've decided that if a woman says she will do something and fails to do it, she is out. I deserve better!!! I have friends that are really great women! I know I'll eventually meet someone like one of these friends, except in a romantic way.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I know there are good women out there. I've decided that if a woman says she will do something and fails to do it, she is out. I deserve better!!! I have friends that are really great women! I know I'll eventually meet someone like one of these friends, except in a romantic way. I'll be honest- people get flaky online. You really thought you were a 3? Lol, you have a warped perception of yourself!!
Author 39388 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 I'll be honest- people get flaky online. You really thought you were a 3? Lol, you have a warped perception of yourself!! I've now conversed with four women online and finally had a phone conversation. Getting closer and closer! I thought I was a 3 or lower for over 20 years, until a few weeks ago! I'm waking up from the longest sleep! It is quite a feeling and will be an even more intense feeling once I do get that date.
Author 39388 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Now that I've gotten to the phone conversation, how do I make it into a date? Any particular things that I should do or should not do?
IcemanJB Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 This is great to hear! Nice work! Just calmly suggest coffee or lunch with her...say something like: "would you like to join me for coffee on Wednesday?" It's really quite simple, just make it a no-pressure situation. If it feels like you're forcing something, don't do it.
Author 39388 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 This is great to hear! Nice work! Just calmly suggest coffee or lunch with her...say something like: "would you like to join me for coffee on Wednesday?" It's really quite simple, just make it a no-pressure situation. If it feels like you're forcing something, don't do it. How many minutes into the call? Let us assume it is the first time we talk. I know there can't be a concrete answer, but is there a general rule?
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