Sarahwincheld Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I have been dating my BF for about 4.5 years and all together half of it would be long distance including right now. A 2 hr and 45 minute drive. Anyways, for the past 2.5 months I feel as though something is wrong, very wrong. My bf is currently unhappy with his personal life..Well he is bored with his job and where he lives. I will be moving in with him in October 09. Well, I feel like he takes out his unhappy things of his life out on me and whenever he gets in a bad mood..I'm involved. If I say or do something he doesn't agree with he gets bitchy about it and makes a deal about things that don't matter. The past two months he never says I love you. I either have to say it and he will say it back ( very quickly) or he will never say it at all. When I asked him about it he said that at times he really loves me and others he just really really likes me. I think at the times he really likes me is when he is down on himself because he is bored in life? Because how could you only really like or really love someone at times..it should be all or nothing right? Also because he is bored our communication on the phone is pretty ****ty sometimes. Sometimes there are pauses and I'll just talk about anything to avoid them because he doesnt keep conversation going with me. I feel like he only wants to be on the phone to tell me what he did or wants to say and thats it. He has said he was sick of everything and the people around him ...I asked him so you want me to leave then? (I drove al the way there to visit him) and he said no it will only make things worse. So I guess he isnt sick of me... I just dont understand his problem and whenever I try to talk to him about things he never a full answer. I'm just really confused....
carhill Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I would be concerned, show it, and likely would give him a bit of alone time with no pressure. I can tell you that, when there is a real connection, it doesn't matter how stressed one is in their life, that person with whom you have that connection is your safe haven, a place you can go and feel validated. Even if you (or he) is pissed off or mad at the world, you should just feel that safe feeling that comes with true intimacy. Regarding love, I can only share my own experience... I've been in love and fallen out of love and I've been in love and have loved and had it last without interruption for many years and through many trials. I would say that, without exception, when I've loved, it's been all-in, complete and encompassing. No waffling. Hope you find your answers
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Alarm bells (not wedding bells, unfortunately).... Put it down to whatever you want, but my guess is that all this separation, distance and animosity about his own situation means that he's lost interest in you and no longer loves you. he likes you but doesn't love you, sometimes? That would be my signal to tell him, "Ok, go find someone you can love, because that's not good enough for me. I'm worth more than that." And put the phone down. And end it. Right there.
complication Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Alarm bells (not wedding bells, unfortunately).... Put it down to whatever you want, but my guess is that all this separation, distance and animosity about his own situation means that he's lost interest in you and no longer loves you. he likes you but doesn't love you, sometimes? That would be my signal to tell him, "Ok, go find someone you can love, because that's not good enough for me. I'm worth more than that." And put the phone down. And end it. Right there. DOT. He'll come back if he loves you.
sand26 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Alarm bells (not wedding bells, unfortunately).... Put it down to whatever you want, but my guess is that all this separation, distance and animosity about his own situation means that he's lost interest in you and no longer loves you. he likes you but doesn't love you, sometimes? That would be my signal to tell him, "Ok, go find someone you can love, because that's not good enough for me. I'm worth more than that." And put the phone down. And end it. Right there. Yeah, Geisha is right again. He is having doubts, no doubt about it. Long distance relationships are so tough because 75% of communication is non-verbal. I found that any more than two weeks away from your SO and significant rifts can develop. I would goo see him and talk to him in person, you owe yourself and the relationship that kind of intimate closure. good luck, the mfk
Island Girl Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I agree you need to really get this settled. If you are planning on moving in together in 7 or so months than you need to address this now. Things need to be on track before that happens. You can't keep continuing like this and then move in together. That is crazy. Talk to him about it and if you can this needs to be face to face. If he again says that sometimes he loves you and sometimes he likes you or he is waffling about his commitment to you then as Geisha said - you need to break it off.
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