brokenhearted636 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 My wife and I have been having problems. She is 21 I am 28. We have a 2 yr old son. We have been married for only 1yr 1/2. We had done some counseling about 6 months into the marriage. After 4 visits she told her we were fine. 8 months later. She had been going out with her friends every SAT night for about a month which is out of the norm for her. Then she dropped the bomb and said she was going to live with her mom to clear her head for a few days. She has been gone a month now. She says she loves me but not in love with me. She says she married me for the wrong reasons. I love my wife so much. I had not been a very good husband as far as keeping the passion in our marriage. I know I have made mistakes and Am willing to try anything to fix it. I need to work more. Be more out going and lose some weight. Iv lost 20lbs this month. 200 to 180. SHe says weight is not an issue but I know it is. I look great at 160. SHe says she needs space and she just does not want to be with me right now. She says she feels hopeless about the marriage and wants to have hope. I just dont knwo what to do. I love her so much and I'm so scared for my 2yr old son who means the world to me. I dont want him to grow up in a broken home but nothing I can do seems to change her mind. I started going to church because the lord seems to be the only one who could help me. She will not give me another chance to fix things.When i have given her 2 big chances because she hurt me very bad. During our break up that I will not go into. Bottem line is I dont know What the heck to do. We have a counseling meeting Wends which will our 1st since she left. She just seems to have no intrest in me. I don tknow if there is another guy or not but it sure seems like it. 2 days ago she said "i love you" on the phone for the 1st time in a long time. Normally I had been saying it 1st but stopped the last few days. Today I called about getting my son wends and she seemed very weird. She deleted a few of my pictures off her face book and deletes my comments. What should I do cut off all contact?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 File for divorce honestly. It sounds like someone's else in the picture some women think being married is a game but when you need space to figure out if you want to be married? Why bother, what's the point? If she aint coming back I dont see the point in holding on? I know it hurts but you need to focus on your kid and be the best father you can be. Matter of fact delete your facebook or get a myspace account for yourself why your at it. When one spouse leaves I dont see why the Left behind spouse should be pining for them. Leaving without fighting is a cowardly move and she's a coward in my eyes. Divorce and move on you'll find someone else, and you'll be better off. Your only 28! she wants to play the field she married too young and let's be real she wants to run the streets. That's it bottom line. That's the truth!
Mountains10 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Chrome's right, begging, pleading, or chasing after her, will just push her farther away, especially if another man's in the picture. Either do NC with her if that's what will make you feel better or file for divorce. If you're not ready to file, cut her off, secure your finances, don't help her financially live away from the home. Let her see what it's going to be like when the divorce comes. I can tell you this though, if you chase after her, you'll lose. Start getting in the mindset that you're a better person than her and you deserve so much better. Take up new hobbies, start working out, and work on you. Try not to call her unless you absolutely have to and skip the 'i love yous' for now.
cyabye Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 She says she loves me but not in love with me. She says she married me for the wrong reasons. She's cheating. Hope this helps, cyabye
lostsunsets Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 absolutely, cut off all communications with her unless its about your son. Go through the mother. Shes dropping your comments and pictures because there is someone else. Separate bank accounts and cancel credit cards immediately. You need to create an emotional vacuum. No I love yous. The only thing she sees when you pick up your kid is a confident happy man, moving on with his life. File for divorce (even if you don't plan on signing, so you can keep her from incurring debt in your name. This is important!)
mark982 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 there's someone else, sorry to say. but protect yourself, new accts. go nc, unless it's about your kid.go workout, get in shape, become a new confident man.
seibert253 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 absolutely, cut off all communications with her unless its about your son. Go through the mother. Shes dropping your comments and pictures because there is someone else. Separate bank accounts and cancel credit cards immediately. You need to create an emotional vacuum. No I love yous. The only thing she sees when you pick up your kid is a confident happy man, moving on with his life. File for divorce (even if you don't plan on signing, so you can keep her from incurring debt in your name. This is important!) Rock solid advice. Take it, use it, and live.
pelicanpreacher Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 The gross disparity of your ages tells me that you chose to corrupt her innocence over aspiring to pursue the real love of an equally bestowed partner in the hopes of masking the immaturity and insecurities you craftily hidden in favor of controlling a child bride. She was barely out of her teens when you made yourself known unto her which makes me suspicious of your motivations to begin with for you knew you were unequally yolked when you met her so GROW UP and begin taking stock of yourself and life! If you don't share the nature and mindset of a "child molester" then understand your choice of brides to be a mistake of your own failed thinking and begin working on your self-esteem issues so that you seek a WOMAN to share your life with next time around instead of ruining the life of another child in the future!
TrustInYourself Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 If you want it to work, you have to love yourself more than her. What does her past tell you about this woman? What has she done in the past that tells you what she will probably do in the future? That's cool to love her, but ask yourself what you gain by chasing a woman who doesn't want you? Stop chasing. You have to run away to be chased. Work on yourself.
theROICoach Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Your wife doesn't know what she wants but that's her business. She has a right to be confused but her confusion does not have to change your desire to live your best life. Remember: a partner is someone we desire not someone we require. God is the only partner you require. Know that you love her and keep loving her but until you love yourself enough to know that you deserve the best (and to settle for nothing less) you're going to continue to hurt. Why? Hurting people hurt people. You're hurting; she's hurting. This is not the time to fight for her because, honestly, when love is right, you never have to fight for it. It comes to you. If she's confused, give her space and take this time to really love you. You need to know that you are perfect and whole just as you are. You don't need to lose another pound to be loved. You are loved and anyone who's going to be with you has to love you the way you are. Change happens for you, not for anyone else. Use this time wisely to consider all of your options and, remember, as Maya Angelou once said, "When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!"
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