C6vette Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 My wife and I have been married 2 years but we've been together for the past 6 years. About a year into the marriage we started having some serious problems, fighting over everything. She's a control freak; everything drove her to bitch at me; how I loaded the dishwasher, how I vacuumed, laundry, absolutely every dumb little thing. Then the bigger stuff, doing things that I loved, riding my motorcycle, being spontaneous and wanting to go places. I always asked her to go but she every time she had an excuse not to come along. We we’re barely having any physical contact, I’d hug her and she wouldn’t hug me back, barely kissed me and little to no sex; unless I pressured her and then I got the dreaded “just go ahead”. So I didn’t, who needs that. She isn’t having an affair because she never left the house, except to go to work. She say’s she just being herself; she says giving physical contact doesn’t come natural to her. Needless to say, I started not caring and living my own life. A couple months after this (as things got progressively worse) I started a relationship with a woman who was a friend. It was a whirlwind; we both fell in love with each other after about a month. I wanted to leave my wife and start a life with my girlfriend but my girlfriend didn’t want me to leave my marriage because of her. She said I had to leave without her being part of the equation.[/FONT Then after a couple months of this I hear through a friend that my girlfriend was seeing other people. I was crushed, but I was still married; I had no rights to her. So I freaked and stopped talking to her regularly and stopped all contact with her for about 3 weeks. After 3 weeks I missed her so much and realized I made a huge mistake. I asked her out, tried to see her but circumstances kept it from happening. She insisted she wasn’t blowing me off. But I know she was. So I tried to patch things up with my wife thinking maybe things weren’t so bad. But my heart wasn’t in it, I was always talking /texting my ex-girlfriend. After 3 about months, I couldn’t take it any more, things we’re horrible with my wife. Nothing changed, I wasn’t in love with her, I was in love with my ex. So I told my wife I wanted a divorce and moved out. My ex-girlfriend…well, she says she loves me but has met someone and “wants to see where this relationship goes”. She says I broke her heart. [/FONT I hate that I messed the relationship with my ex-girlfriend by not leaving my wife sooner. I really love this woman and I’m totally crushed. So I’ve finally stopped all contact with my ex-girlfriend. She has a new guy, what’s the point; she of course wants to be friends. What is keeping me sane is telling myself if she loved me she would be here; some new person wouldn’t matter.
stovepipe Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You cheated on your wife, then got your heartbroken. Karma
IcemanJB Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Yeah I don't know what to say, other than you cheated. You won't get any sympathy from most of the people on here including me, but my best advice is to cut ties with all women involved, start fresh, and NEVER cheat again.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Tough noogies man, but you dont get the ex and you walked away from your control freak of a soon to be ex. yeah your sad, but I think you'll be better off on your own! If your wife was so horrible to put up with why did you stay for so long? Why the hell did you cheat? Why didnt you just put your wife on notice and let her make the choice to work to help you, if she didnt then you could have left! Without Cheating! Good luck to you and your future and you wasnt in love with your ex, you was in love with the way you felt when you was with her. Let's be real on that. Focus on your future and meet a woman and have a nice stale relationship with her alone, no cheating, no bitching, no moaning.
MeMyself&I Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I don't always get much sympathy on here either because I was the dumper in my last relationship. BUT---I have never cheated on anyone in my life and feel that it is wrong. I understand you felt your relationship with your wife was over and vacant of feeling, love and emotion. But you had choices good and bad. To stay in the marriage and work it out, be miserable in the marriage or leave the marriage and move on. It never should have been a choice to stray or cheat. People do drift apart in marriages but I have always believed that if you feel you need to be with someone else--you need to handle your current responsibilities first. You were married and your obligation was to your wife. Ask for the divorce FIRST and then pursue another relationship. What you did was hurtful to your wife. I don't know much about the girlfriend but if she knew you were married she was wrong too. Hopefully that's what motivated her to cut ties with you---she should feel guilty and ashamed too. We are all human.......but that does not excuse bad behavior. That also does not mean you are a horrible person. I agree with iceman. The best thing you can do for everyone involved is cut ties with these women and move on. Deal with your issues so eventually you can find someone to build your life with and not use infidelity to escape from your problems in your next marriage/relationship.
Author C6vette Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Hey guys, not really looking for sympathy here. I know what I did was wrong, really wrong; I guess I deserve what I got. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though I guess I posted my story here hoping someone might learn from my mistakes; or maybe its catharsis to write it down. I do appreciate everyones comments and honesty
Treasa Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Out of curiosity, how did your wife react to the divorce? Did you tell her about the girlfriend? I'm not going to judge you, because I think you just wanted happiness with someone. Yeah, you shouldn't cheat, but hopefully you'll learn from this.
Author C6vette Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 To answer Terasa, my soon to be ex-wife took the news I wanted a divorce extreemly well. It's not ugly between us at all; actually she acts like a friend; still with little to no emotion. She said she knows that I need to be with someone more emotionally available then what she can give. This was my 1st marriage and it was a lot tougher than I ever thought it would be. I did stay too long, no doubt. Why, fear of failure. No, I didn't tell her about the girlfriend. That is not why I left, I wasn't happy and I hadn't been for a long time, that's what I told her. I know this isn't going to be popular here, but I'm being honest. I'm learning from it and I hope others do too. But before you judge, walk a mile in that person's shoes. Living with someone that is emotioanlly void for a year can drive you to do things you never thought you would. Flame away
MeMyself&I Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I know this isn't going to be popular here, but I'm being honest. I'm learning from it and I hope others do too. But before you judge, walk a mile in that person's shoes. Living with someone that is emotioanlly void for a year can drive you to do things you never thought you would. Flame away I can totally see where the lack of affection, emotional interaction and affirmation could have you looking elsewhere. I dated a guy devoid of all of these. I felt the ONLY place I could get affection was in the bedroom but that isn't real love, affection and caring at least not in itself. But although the grass may have looked greener somewhere else......I would have made the choice to leave before I cheated. I'm not saying she's innocent in the problems in your marriage. BUT we are all responsible for our own actions. So it's no one's fault or choice to turn to this other woman but your own (I also realize you are acknowledging that). I'm just telling you that other people have been in your situation (at least somewhat) and not cheated. I also want to let you know that I value your feelings and am not trying to take them from you. It's the choices (just like you've acknowledged were wrong) that are in question. Thank you for sharing.
Treasa Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 I don't see a point in flaming you. I'm sorry you're hurt. I do agree that you shouldn't be friends with your ex-GF. It would only prolong your pain. Take some time to yourself, heal, and then get out there again.
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