StartFresh Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 The title is more of a vague generalization but it caught your attention and made you open my thread so it worked. Anyway, so I've been seeing a girl since about October 08. Things are great in pretty much all departments but good god, she loves to talk. She has a lot of friends she'll talk all the time to. She meets up with them after work, she talks to both of her parents on the phone individually almost every day, constantly texting with her sister, etc. This girl just flat out loves to communicate. Me? Not as much. I like my space. I'm pretty independent. I go to work, I hit the gym after, then I chill out. I value my alone time because my day is spent pretty much dealing with people. I work in finance/trading, my day is pretty hectic so when I get some down time I value it. So basically we spent most of the weekend together into monday morning. We go to work together, trade emails throughout the day, drop her off at home after work (we work near eachother but dont actually see eachother at work), then I go home. I go to the gym, come home and relax. She calls me and to be honest, other than checking in, I don't really have much to talk about. She keeps asking me whats the matter and I start to get a little annoyed because nothing is "the matter" I just don't really have anything to talk about since we just spent the last few days together, traded emails all damn day, and even briefly saw eachother after work. She gets kinda offended that I don't have anything to talk about... I feel like this girl is smothering me. I like her, things are great in every other department, but jesus she loves to talk and I can't say I'm on the same boat. I'm not a hermit, but when we've basically been communicating either in person or via some other medium for the past 72 hours, I just don't really have anything to talk about and its time for me. How can I affectively communicate this to her because when I've tried she just gets all upset like its some sort of personal thing. She interperets "I dont really have anytihng to talk about" into "I dont want to talk to you." I'd like to tell her I'm feeling a bit smothered and frankly, I told her on our first date that I'm very independent and don't need to spend every minute with my girlfriend. If she wants to get together with her friends I have no problem with that. I mean, theres the honeymoon phase, and then theres downright attached at the hip. She agreed and said she is the same way but it sure doesnt seem like it.
BobSacamento Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Start making a list of topics. I'll give you one to start. - Why do robots always have mouths? It's not like they eat, what's the deal?
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Maybe start going into detail talking about something you know REALLY doesn't interest her. Sports, cars, your job...whatever. It can be different things for different women. But at least you're talking and she can't claim otherwise. And maybe she'll get off the phone quicker. She is being kind of sucky, so I wouldn't consider this rude. At least IMO.
prettybaby Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I'm afraid you may not be very compatible. I know people like your girlfriend, and it's basically how they're wired. There is no way to change them, ever. They just talk and talk and talk all day, and that's the way it is. If it already annoys you now, imagine how you'll feel on the long run. Obviously, you could and should discuss this with her, but I don't think she'll really change. I know they say opposites attract, but I've never subscribed to that one. Especially when it comes to essential parts of the personality, like in your case. My ex used to be a heavy talker. He talked and talked all freaking day. When I first met him, I was young and shy, so I kind of enjoyed the fact that I wouldn't really have to put much effort into our interactions because he did all the talking. But since I'm the exact opposite, it eventually really got on my nerves. I need silence and peace and time for myself. Obviously, it didn't work out. The man I'm with now: we're exactly the same, and let me tell you; once you find someone who's on the same page as you as far as communication goes: it's so refreshing and headache free! So, I've been with both types, and I can honestly say that it's essential to find someone who's somewhat similar to you in that department, because it's definitely not something you can change about a person.
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 - Why do robots always have mouths? It's not like they eat, what's the deal? And why did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? And if you butter a cat's back and throw it out of the window, will it land butter-side up? I'm with prettybaby on this one. One yaps, the other doesn't? Unless you can both agree to disagree, I'd call it a day.
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