Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Boyfriend 'jokingly' calls himself Nefarious... Bad sign ? Im starting to notice little weird things about my boyfriend that are disturbing me.... He seems to imply he is a bit intense in the bedroom Dating two months, no sex yet but Im planning to let him soon. I almost did it last week BUT when i said I like to stay in control and not have sex without thinking it over he joked im a control freak. And also he seems to find it funny that people either 'love or hate' him with a passion. And now tonight he referred to himself as charming suave and 'nefarious' I aske dhim if he knew what the word meant he said of course ! I then repeated the definition and he laughed. And lastly he is calling my friends weird. I dont know I feel like even though he says he adores me and loves me that he is starting to show a darker critical and strange side. I cant even discuss this with him because he says he is so hard on himself to be perfect he cant accept any criticism from me of all people...... he is 40 btw.
2sunny Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 how good, bad, wicked, evil, nasty or ignorant a person may or may not be is only to be determined by ones' perception. it always boils down to personal preferences. what some deem normal may be totally over the top to others. bottom line for me is always whether the other is open minded or not.
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 how good, bad, wicked, evil, nasty or ignorant a person may or may not be is only to be determined by ones' perception. it always boils down to personal preferences. what some deem normal may be totally over the top to others. bottom line for me is always whether the other is open minded or not. well this is the same guy Im posting about on the other thread..... Now tonight he wants to see me Tuesday night and told me to pack an overnight bag.....
norajane Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 40 year old man calls himself nefarious? He's either still an immature boy or he's bad news. You would know best which he is, or will soon find out. Personally, I would run far away.
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 40 year old man calls himself nefarious? He's either still an immature boy or he's bad news. You would know best which he is, or will soon find out. Personally, I would run far away. well he was in a goth band from 19-32, then became a tough corporate executive type.... not paint goths with a broad stroke (i find a lot about them cool) , i feel like he give into the darker aspects of it. and then being a shrewd executive type shows he is tough. idk my friends think im this sweet girl and that he is this bad guy.
2sunny Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 well this is the same guy Im posting about on the other thread..... Now tonight he wants to see me Tuesday night and told me to pack an overnight bag..... very presumptuous of him considering you haven't "gone there" yet with him. i think i'd cancel... (just me though). i find that approach he's taking to be VERY arrogant and he's making a lot of assumptions. something about this guy doesn't sit right with me. he contradicts himself too often with his actions AND his words. i don't get it. if i ever wonder - i always err on the side of caution - once the body crosses the boundary - you can't take it back. i just think it's totally disrespectful of him to put you in that position without a full discussion first... was there a discussion?
norajane Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Do you think your friends are wrong? Or is a bad guy what you want? Nefarious = wicked, villainous = untrustworthy Does he fancy himself to be wicked in a "bad boy" kind of way, or does he really see himself as a villain? Either way, is that the kind of person you want to place your trust in? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable with him or off-balance, on edge, uncertain, anxious?
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 very presumptuous of him considering you haven't "gone there" yet with him. i think i'd cancel... (just me though). i find that approach he's taking to be VERY arrogant and he's making a lot of assumptions. something about this guy doesn't sit right with me. he contradicts himself too often with his actions AND his words. i don't get it. if i ever wonder - i always err on the side of caution - once the body crosses the boundary - you can't take it back. i just think it's totally disrespectful of him to put you in that position without a full discussion first... was there a discussion? ive told him several times that i always stay in control and only have sex when im certain i will be with the person for a very long time to come. (he 'jokingly' called me a controlfreak because im able to pull myself out of our throes of passion fast) and i have to meet the guy's parents first. havent met his mom or dad so no way he also told me he really wants to have a bath together finally. uh unless i can wear my bloomers in the tub that isnt happening either. im not a cold girl, id probably be nice and finally give him oral BUT no nothing else until im more certain and he's back in good graces with me.
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Do you think your friends are wrong? Or is a bad guy what you want? Nefarious = wicked, villainous = untrustworthy Does he fancy himself to be wicked in a "bad boy" kind of way, or does he really see himself as a villain? Either way, is that the kind of person you want to place your trust in? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable with him or off-balance, on edge, uncertain, anxious? he's a very very good Dad and I HAVE met all his oldest friends. They spoke warmly of him to me... So he does have those positives going for him. I actually always feel secure and fine around him..... Its only when were apart that the doubts creep in.
2sunny Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Do you think your friends are wrong? Or is a bad guy what you want? Nefarious = wicked, villainous = untrustworthy Does he fancy himself to be wicked in a "bad boy" kind of way, or does he really see himself as a villain? Either way, is that the kind of person you want to place your trust in? Do you feel relaxed and comfortable with him or off-balance, on edge, uncertain, anxious?[/QUOTE] ive told him several times that i always stay in control and only have sex when im certain i will be with the person for a very long time to come. (he 'jokingly' called me a controlfreak because im able to pull myself out of our throes of passion fast) and i have to meet the guy's parents first. havent met his mom or dad so no way he also told me he really wants to have a bath together finally. uh unless i can wear my bloomers in the tub that isnt happening either. im not a cold girl, id probably be nice and finally give him oral BUT no nothing else until im more certain and he's back in good graces with me. he's a very very good Dad and I HAVE met all his oldest friends. They spoke warmly of him to me... So he does have those positives going for him. I actually always feel secure and fine around him..... Its only when were apart that the doubts creep in. i think NJ always makes insightful points in her responses through the years. he's suggesting the bath because he wants what he wants - and it's more than just a bath. his words and actions as far as a man that has ideas of a commitment to you and a future with you remain seriously questionable. i would wait until he shows a long trail of consistency to move further with him. he still hasn't shown that he's to be totally trusted or reliable. NJ pointed out some good things when she stated this: Do you feel relaxed and comfortable with him or off-balance, on edge, uncertain, anxious? the only reason you feel relaxed when with him is because he's telling you what you want to hear. you are anxious when away from him because his actions never match his words (huge red flag). something about this guy doesn't add up. i'd be cautious...
StartFresh Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 He adores/loves you after 2 months and no sex? Sounds like a total clown already. I've been dating my gf for almost 5 months and we have amazing, amazing sex; sometimes several times a day, and neither of us has used the L-word yet. Kinda takes away from its meaning in your situation, no? Not that sex is the end-all-be-all of love but I think its a pretty good way to measure passion in a relationship.
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 He adores/loves you after 2 months and no sex? Sounds like a total clown already. I've been dating my gf for almost 5 months and we have amazing, amazing sex; sometimes several times a day, and neither of us has used the L-word yet. Kinda takes away from its meaning in your situation, no? Um actually no. I know of many people who came to love each other deeply before ever inserting P in V. LOL
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 he's suggesting the bath because he wants what he wants - and it's more than just a bath. >>>>>> 2SUNNY.. Agreed.... Weird in my view to suddenly want it Tuesday night.... I just saw him Saturday night and was actually more in the mood then before he brought me home so early... I mean he has to be up 6 am wednesday, so why did he take me home so early saturday when he had to be up 7 am sunday ? doesnt make sense.
StartFresh Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Um actually no. I know of many people who came to love each other deeply before ever inserting P in V. LOL After 2 months?!
Author Nagini Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 After 2 months?! My late grandparents feel in love madly after 2 weeks and were together for 50 years... It can happen. I just don't know if it has with him. And we were friends for 9 months before dating......(i was dating someone else)
2sunny Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 still - his behavior is sketchy and inconsistent at best. leaves one left wondering every time what the truth is... not too good when looking at his track record. he has a lot of work to do to make up for the questions he consistently leaves you with. there is always a reason for this type of behavior... he's just not allowing you to understand what the missing pieces are and you aren't trying hard enough to find out what the truth really is.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I don't understand not using the "L" word if you feel it. BF and I were only serious for about 3 weeks before we ended up using it. But I think you may be overthinking things just a tad. Maybe he's just trying to appear bad-ass, or something. Who knows. Without further details, I don't see anything to be WORRIED about. Maybe just enough to keep the eyes open - but I wouldn't be sleeping with one eye open, or anything. LOL
Island Girl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 im not a cold girl, id probably be nice and finally give him oral BUT no nothing else until im more certain and he's back in good graces with me. This should be, "I'd probably be nice and let him give me oral BUT no nothing else until I'm more certain" At least that'd be me in this situation and that is if I really felt he might not be a waste of time. But all of the signs right now are pointing to -> you can do better. If it has been two months, you haven't slept together, and you are feeling unsure it is a sure sign you should just move on to the person who can be the real thing. That person will make you feel happy and secure. I don't think that is how you are feeling right now.
OpenBook Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Boyfriend 'jokingly' calls himself Nefarious... Bad sign ? Big HUGE red flag. You are right to be cautious. Men who describe themselves as anything related to wicked, especially near the beginning of a budding relationship, are trying to warn you in their own way... so that you won't get so upset later on when they treat you badly. ("I warned you I was like this." It gets them off the hook, in their minds anyway.) Nothing to be scared of. Just watch for the bad behavior - standing you up, not taking your feelings into consideration, cheating on you, etc.
2sunny Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Big HUGE red flag. You are right to be cautious. Men who describe themselves as anything related to wicked, especially near the beginning of a budding relationship, are trying to warn you in their own way... so that you won't get so upset later on when they treat you badly. ("I warned you I was like this." It gets them off the hook, in their minds anyway.) Nothing to be scared of. Just watch for the bad behavior - standing you up, not taking your feelings into consideration, cheating on you, etc. i do agree with this to a certain extent - it could be that he misinterprets himself. some men just don't understand the core of their being. if he states that he's just nasty on the inside and purposefully mean spirited, selfish or self serving - then ditch him. he's warning that his core is damaged and irreparable. if he's sweet and kind hearted with a tiny bad boy edge to him in a playful way - then that could potentially be fun and playful. i guess clarification about the intention of his statement may be necessary.
Author Nagini Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 still - his behavior is sketchy and inconsistent at best. leaves one left wondering every time what the truth is... not too good when looking at his track record. he has a lot of work to do to make up for the questions he consistently leaves you with. there is always a reason for this type of behavior... he's just not allowing you to understand what the missing pieces are and you aren't trying hard enough to find out what the truth really is. Well we went out for nice dinner and drinks and then were planning to go see a movie and then id sleep over. i was tired so we went back to his place and watched a movie and did stuff (no no sex still, he is good that way when i stay stop) he also told me he was invited somewhere with old friends this saturday. he said Im welcome to come along if i want to. And then he sat next to me with his email open. i got to see all his email and nothing weird. we then went to sleep and i kept waking up to use th ebathroom and he was very sweet each time asking if i was comfortable. he drove me home this morning and has a business meeting tonight. but gave me the name of the guy he is seeing. anyway Im just being chill about the whole thing.
Author Nagini Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 i if he's sweet and kind hearted with a tiny bad boy edge to him in a playful way - then that could potentially be fun and playful. i guess clarification about the intention of his statement may be necessary. well i think that's what he is. he is an excellent dad. he calls his son day and night and spends a lot of time with him. its very cute. and his oldest friends adore him so i think that means a lot.
Author Nagini Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 This should be, "I'd probably be nice and let him give me oral BUT no nothing else until I'm more certain" . But I like giving it more than receiving it. ::wicked gleam in my eye::
Author Nagini Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 well oh no not again.... Paging 2Sunny. hello hello um he again has called me around 7 pm saying had a work meeting and to call him back and where was i called him and emailed him at 9 pm its now 12:20 ive been around him at home he always has his blackberry, iphone and laptop and checks them all the time. no return call so he is either out at a strip club with his business client or cheating on me
movingonandon Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Relax, this guy is no 'nefarious' if he's staying for 2 months with a girl who says this: "no sex yet but Im planning to let him soon. I almost did it last week BUT when i said I like to stay in control and not have sex without thinking it over he joked im a control freak.":) He'd like to be, but he ain't , the poor baby
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