RockandRoll Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hello I'm new to this forum and I have a dilemma I could use some help with. A couple months ago, I met a guy I was into. He was dating someone, so I left it alone. However, a week or so later they broke up (I believe they were seeing each other for 2 months or so). Anyway, he asked me for my number and we've been seeing each other over the last month. A week ago, we had the "let's be exclusive etc." talk. During this time, his ex called and texted him constantly. She wanted to get back together with him desperately but he never returned her calls. It never bothered me and I never said anything about it. Things were going really well with he and I... taking things relatively slow... really just getting to know each other. But, we have a lot in common and it seemed to be working out amazingly well. A few days ago, his ex called him and told him that she's pregnant. Neither of us really believed her, but he made an appointment for her to take a blood test to be sure. The appt. was this morning. When we talked about it last night, I asked him if he would want to stop seeing me if she really IS pregnant. He told me that he wouldn't stop and that he absolutely would not be getting back together with his ex etc. Anyway, he drove the hour to see her this morning and told me around 11 am that yes, she's pregnant. Well now it's almost 4pm and he's still at her house. He told me that they're trying to figure out what to do and that he has no idea what he should do in this situation. He also said that her son (from a previous relationship) cried when he saw him and now he's even more confused. From the sound of this, I have a sinking feeling that I'm going to be getting dumped later today. I wish he hadn't given me a false sense of security about the whole thing, but what's done is done. It's not like we've been dating for very long... but I'm just incredibly bummed out because of how well things were going with us. I hate for it to end like this, but I'm assuming it's going to regardless. I guess my question is how do I handle this gracefully? Do I let him know that I'm upset or do I just say "It's cool. No worries" and disappear? I'm wondering if I should just bow out of the situation whether he breaks up with me or not. I'm not sure if I want to get closer to him if it's basically doomed to end. Any advice? Help a girl out!
SophieA Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I'm sorry you're in this situation. I can tell you what I would do. I would disappear. From your post it sounds like he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants. I wouldn't want to get involved in that situation. You two haven't been seeing eachother that long. If you stay together, more likely than not, when the baby is born there will be "baby mama" drama. I would cut my losses and move on. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.
pretty lies Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Agreed with the above poster. Its possible the baby is or isn't his. Either way, there is a very big chance that he will be wrapped up in the drama involved with the child and the mother for a long time. Emotionally, I would not expect much stability from him. I think it would be best to let him deal with the situation by himself for now...if its meant to be, you can work on a true relationship later when he's in a better place.
SoulSearch_CO Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I think I'd cut my losses just to give the guy some space. He may or may not break up with you, but why make him make that choice? He may stay, but it could be out of obligation (I'm not saying you guys don't have something special). I'd just give him his space and if he decides to keep you in his life, he'll find you after the dust settles a little. It'd be too much drama for me.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Leave him alone so he can get his crap stretened out. that's all.
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You know what - ? If I were you, I'd dump him first. From his point of view, this whole emotional mess would be vastly complicated by having to figure in the new GF and keeping all the plates spinning would be a challenge he didn't need right now.... From MY PoV... Why the hell woud i want to be involved in this drama - ?!/ Everything that is happening in his life is his problem, his concern and his bag to deal with. Inevitably however, I'd get dragged into the whole sorry, sordid mess and it would become my business because I'd have to provide a prop for him to lean on- and I'm nothing to do with this!! Walk away. Tell him you'll be prepared to consider a relationship if and when he gets this sorted once and for all, but that you're not prepared to be a bit-part player with no billing, just to keep him happy, in the meantime, whilst this is all playing out. Heck, even the plot keeps changing, and thee's no script! Nossirree. I'd be out of there like a shot.
Viking Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Sounds like the ex is trying to trap him. Didn't work with the last kid, so now she tried again. Especially when she saw you in the picture. She realized that she had better rope him in for good. I'd get away from him if I were you. You don't need this crap in your life, especially when you haven't been together really for more than a few weeks.
jasminetea Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 To add to everyone else's advice - be prepared for him to persue you with a renewed vigour if you do dump him, we tend to want what we can't have and guys do seem to love a challenge! But don't give into it, not unless the ex has had a paternity test carried out and this guy is proved not to be the father
dreamergrl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I'd dump him. Your relationship is fresh. You don't know what all this drama could do. He could end up relying on you for emotional support, someone to lean on, but not be there 100% with you.
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