SophieA Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 for an engagement ring? I've been with my bf for over 5 years and we're not engaged. (He's 26 and I'm almost 24) I love what we have together and I'm not at all impatient. He is worth the wait. In the back of my mind I do wish he would ask me before he leaves for medical school. I guess I'm thinking about it more often now b/c many of my close friends and classmates are engaged or married. Your thoughts?
Geishawhelk Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I have heard say that medical school is tough and very challenging..... Has he mentioned engagement at all, at any time, in any way?
Author SophieA Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 He has. I was actually teasing him a few nights ago b/c one of my friends told me to tell him "congratulations on med school and ask him when the wedding is!" So I jokingly mentioned this and he said "it's whenever we decide."
gopher Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 So, did you reply with "How does June 2010 sound?"
Author SophieA Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 LOL! I wanted to! But I don't want to push the issue. I don't want to be naggy.
Lucky_One Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 He has. I was actually teasing him a few nights ago b/c one of my friends told me to tell him "congratulations on med school and ask him when the wedding is!" So I jokingly mentioned this and he said "it's whenever we decide." But has HE ever brought it up?
Author SophieA Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 No I guess he hasn't. He has just made little comments. I did get upset a few months ago and I said "if you don't know now you'll never know" and he said "I do know but how can it be a surprise if you ask about it" So...I guess he hasn't ever brought it up on his own. Only after me mentioning something about it.
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I detect the old "I want to get engaged/I don't want to commit" argument coming up.... Issues of Trust, Commitment, Effort, Self-esteem and Security. In a nutshell..... This, and "No Contact!" are the perpetual hot issues, on LS....
Author SophieA Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Really Geisha? B/c I searched for a thread relating to what I said above and didn't come up with anything... Can you point me in the right direction?
Treasa Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You could check the Getting Married thread. Now, I understand that five years is a long time, but you got together when you were pretty young. In fact, you are STILL pretty young. I don't think 24 is all that old of an age to get married. If you really love the guy more than the thought of being married, then don't worry about it. Just because your friends are getting married doesn't mean that their husbands have more love for them than your boyfriend has for you. My boyfriend and I have been together almost as long as you, and I'm 34. However, I'm not in any rush to get married, because I know how much he loves me, and I'm happy with my life. But you have to decide what's the most important to you. If none of your friends were getting married, would this still be an issue?
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Really Geisha? B/c I searched for a thread relating to what I said above and didn't come up with anything... Can you point me in the right direction? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175040/ and sadly, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179253/ The OP's last post is quite revealing.
Author SophieA Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 hahahaha! Thank you! The difference is...I have been with my bf for over 5 years...(other posters less than 3 years) and he's getting ready to leave for med school. I've been very patient but I don't know how much longer I can wait!
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 The reason I said med school is challenging - is that it has often been so intense and pressured, it's broken relationships. Now, I can't point you to a specific thread, because I don't remember who made the comment. But I do know it was more than one person said it. Maybe someone can remember. You guys need to talk.
Author SophieA Posted February 26, 2009 Author Posted February 26, 2009 I emailed him last night just stating that I love him and it can get hard for me to see tons of friends/family/peers getting engaged. Esp. when they haven't dated as long as we have. I told him that for the most part I am calm and patient about it but sometimes doubts creep up that I am wasting my time. So he emailed me this morning. Here is what he had to say: I know that I haven't asked you to be my fiancee, but know that no one else deserves it as much as you do. When it happens it will be soooo awesome. I know that other couples have already been there and done that, and in a lot of cases much faster than we will have. But I know in my heart that when we take that step it will be 100% genuine and we will have the confidence in each other and our relationship that our love will no doubt stand the test of time. I love you more than I even can comprehend- I say it like that because there are situations where it would be hard to imagine doing things without the love and support of you.. I really do get inspired when given your love and encouragement. Thoughts?
2sure Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Regardless of the length of time you have been together... he wants to finsish or be near to finishing school , and have his ducks in order before planning any further into the future. He wants to have something to offer. And he is right and that it the way it should be done. Honestly, an "engagement" is the time it takes to plan a wedding. The ring is a nice symbol of your coming committment. Sure, it would be nice to have the ring, even without an actual date or plans...but on its own it doesnt solidify the future. And you really do seem to get this. You both are in love and sincere. Your doing this the right way.
openbook08 Posted February 26, 2009 Posted February 26, 2009 Regardless of the length of time you have been together... he wants to finsish or be near to finishing school , and have his ducks in order before planning any further into the future. He wants to have something to offer. And he is right and that it the way it should be done. Honestly, an "engagement" is the time it takes to plan a wedding. The ring is a nice symbol of your coming committment. Sure, it would be nice to have the ring, even without an actual date or plans...but on its own it doesnt solidify the future. And you really do seem to get this. You both are in love and sincere. Your doing this the right way. yes id be inclined to agree, i was with my ex for 5years, same ages as you guys, but engagement/marriage was nowhere near in the future. i wanted to be financially secure & have my education & career in order first. so i guess im comin from your boyfs point of view. i knew i wanted to get engaged to him & loved him so much but that was just the way i wanted to do things!! fyi - yes i said ex and yes thank *uck i never got to marry him. thats not to put you off , thats just a piece of useless information for ya!! i was the nice guy anyway so what im sayin is dont worry , your boyf sounds like the nice guy & youll be grateful in the long run.
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