knowsnobounds Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hello everyone, I created a new user name to hide my identity (girlfriend found posts I'd made with my original). As the title suggests, I'm having a difficult time trusting my girlfriend. After her emotional affair this summer, we took a break that lasted roughly three months, and then she started pursuing me again. Fast forward to present day, where our relationship has been going quite well since late 2008. My problem is, the other guy (her co-worker) is still making his moves and it bothers me... a lot. Now, I'm confident that my girlfriend is done with him because she doesn't seem to enjoy his company anymore than I enjoy being around fellow co-workers. She treats him professionally since she has no other choice; she has to work with him to an extent. He, on the other hand, makes sure to take lunch when she does, and always finds a way to sit next to her. I'm not going to lie, I want to kick this guy's ass. I have a deep-rooted hatred for him that I can't seem to escape. I've tried. I doubt anyone will recognize my writing and connect it to my previous posts, but many posters in the other thread had their predictions come to fruition. Apparently, this guy is living in his basement. His wife found out about the affair and basically kicked him out. I take a little pride in that, but it's not fully what I hope for. Anyway, my vengeful thoughts are an aside. What I'm having trouble coping with is the fact that my girlfriend still deals with this man on a daily basis. And while I think she's being honest with me, I have a little shred of doubt. I mean, she still talks to him on a certain online game. She hasn't removed him fully from her life, and I can't help but think she may still have feelings for him. My question to all of you good folks is, should I still worry? Or should I let the past go and give my girlfriend my full trust? Thanks for all your help in the past and for any in the future. Sorry for this being so vague. I'd rather my girlfriend not find this post.
Bryanp Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Was she sexually and physical intimate with him while you were still a couple?
lostsunsets Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Since she had an emotional affair with this guy. You can never fully trust her. It would be impossible because she still has contact with him. That should have been understood when you took her back. You're positive it never went physical. How?
TAMMYP Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 an affair is an affair point blank. she thought about it, talk about it and who knows what else. if she was done she wouldn't deal with him at all. why can't she get a new job? ask youself what she would expect you to do? you choose to stay so what are you willing to give up to live? you already don't trust her are you wouldn't be asking, trust your gut. you say she's done but stills plays on an internet game with him, sounds like they still have things to talk about. he sits by her at lunch, she says she dosn't want him to but does she move oh thats right they have to discuss the game. she tells you what you want to hear. she's not worth fighting over. you have to pull yourself together and ask yourself if this is how you want to live. good luck it, Hello everyone, I created a new user name to hide my identity (girlfriend found posts I'd made with my original). As the title suggests, I'm having a difficult time trusting my girlfriend. After her emotional affair this summer, we took a break that lasted roughly three months, and then she started pursuing me again. Fast forward to present day, where our relationship has been going quite well since late 2008. My problem is, the other guy (her co-worker) is still making his moves and it bothers me... a lot. Now, I'm confident that my girlfriend is done with him because she doesn't seem to enjoy his company anymore than I enjoy being around fellow co-workers. She treats him professionally since she has no other choice; she has to work with him to an extent. He, on the other hand, makes sure to take lunch when she does, and always finds a way to sit next to her. I'm not going to lie, I want to kick this guy's ass. I have a deep-rooted hatred for him that I can't seem to escape. I've tried. I doubt anyone will recognize my writing and connect it to my previous posts, but many posters in the other thread had their predictions come to fruition. Apparently, this guy is living in his basement. His wife found out about the affair and basically kicked him out. I take a little pride in that, but it's not fully what I hope for. Anyway, my vengeful thoughts are an aside. What I'm having trouble coping with is the fact that my girlfriend still deals with this man on a daily basis. And while I think she's being honest with me, I have a little shred of doubt. I mean, she still talks to him on a certain online game. She hasn't removed him fully from her life, and I can't help but think she may still have feelings for him. My question to all of you good folks is, should I still worry? Or should I let the past go and give my girlfriend my full trust? Thanks for all your help in the past and for any in the future. Sorry for this being so vague. I'd rather my girlfriend not find this post.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 No you cant trust her because she's still up in his face even as we speak and hasnt made moves to find another job to earn back your trust. my advice if she aint doing anything to change for the better then bounce you dont need the BS.
Author knowsnobounds Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Believe me, I'm still suspicious that something is going on. If anything, they just seem to be better at hiding it this time. Here's the thing, I've talked to other people that know the situation, and they say they're nearly positive there's nothing going on. So I'm not sure what to believe right now. My intuition was correct in the past, but I don't want to get burned by following it again and realizing it led me stray. You know? Bryanp: I don't think anything physical happened between them, but I'll never know for sure. I demanded the truth from my girlfriend about it way back, and she assured me she didn't so much as kiss him. I do doubt it a little. Not gonna lie.
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 And you are still with her, because........?
voldigicam Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You could together write a letter to the fellow confirming your commitment to each other and asking him to back off. So much more acceptable than a baseball bat in the parking lot.
mark982 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 but the ballbat is so much more fun:D, but the jail time sucks:confused:
lonelyinluv Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 i was in the same situation as your girlfriend. I Made a mistake and had an affair with a co-worker but realizing i made a huge mistake i eventually called it off and stayed faithful, but the guy in the affair didnt want the same as i did. so he made it a point to make sure my relationship didnt last.. and i ended up losing my fiance of 5 years because he couldnt believe me even though i honestly was being faithful after the affair... so what im trying to tell you is give her the benefit of the doubt because even though sometimes us females act like we know and do everything right.. sometime we mess up too.
Author knowsnobounds Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 i was in the same situation as your girlfriend. I Made a mistake and had an affair with a co-worker but realizing i made a huge mistake i eventually called it off and stayed faithful, but the guy in the affair didnt want the same as i did. so he made it a point to make sure my relationship didnt last.. and i ended up losing my fiance of 5 years because he couldnt believe me even though i honestly was being faithful after the affair... so what im trying to tell you is give her the benefit of the doubt because even though sometimes us females act like we know and do everything right.. sometime we mess up too. No offense, but I don't consider an affair a "mistake." I gave my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt many times. She continually played the trust card and made me feel like a piece of **** for not having "faith" in her. Well, let me tell ya, I learned my lesson. It reaffirmed my belief that, in general, humans are scummy, manipulative, untrustworthy a**holes. My girlfriend chose to have an EA with that creep. She's damn lucky I loved her enough to even consider taking her back. But to continue talking to the guy and taking lunches with him? Am I supposed to think it's totally innocent this time because she says to trust her?
Davey McG Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 i was in the same situation as your girlfriend. I Made a mistake and had an affair with a co-worker but realizing i made a huge mistake i eventually called it off and stayed faithful, but the guy in the affair didnt want the same as i did. so he made it a point to make sure my relationship didnt last.. and i ended up losing my fiance of 5 years because he couldnt believe me even though i honestly was being faithful after the affair... so what im trying to tell you is give her the benefit of the doubt because even though sometimes us females act like we know and do everything right.. sometime we mess up too. Awful advice. It may even by your girlfriend. Don't trust your girlfriend and don't follow this advice. Having an affair isn't a "mistake" - its a conscious decision. Remember this. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" - there's a reason that phrase is so popular.
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 And you are still with her, because........? So....... answer the question......
Bryanp Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 You judge a person by their actions and not by their words, and your girlfriend's actions are speaking volumes. She is continuing to disrespect you and show distain for your relationship. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your girlfriend would be so forgiving of you having an emotional affair behind her back and continuing to talk to another woman and continue going out to lunch with her. It is clear that she has little respect for you and your feelings. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Hello everyone, I created a new user name to hide my identity (girlfriend found posts I'd made with my original). As the title suggests, I'm having a difficult time trusting my girlfriend. After her emotional affair this summer, we took a break that lasted roughly three months, and then she started pursuing me again. Fast forward to present day, where our relationship has been going quite well since late 2008. My problem is, the other guy (her co-worker) is still making his moves and it bothers me... a lot. Now, I'm confident that my girlfriend is done with him because she doesn't seem to enjoy his company anymore than I enjoy being around fellow co-workers. Why do you say this? Because she says so? Could be she is still contacting him or sending him mixed signals. I wouldn't jump on this guy just yet without really knowing what is going on. She treats him professionally since she has no other choice; she has to work with him to an extent. He, on the other hand, makes sure to take lunch when she does, and always finds a way to sit next to her. Well maybe you should be mad at your gf for starting something up when committed to you in the first place. If she isn't giving him any reason to think she isn't interested anymore, then you can't blame him for trying, especially if he doesn't think she is taken. I would think all it would take is for her to tell him, "I'm back with my bf and we are through". But something tells me she hasn't told him to back off. I'm not going to lie, I want to kick this guy's ass. Well then what about your gf? She was a willing participant in all this. Want to kick her ass too? I have a deep-rooted hatred for him that I can't seem to escape. I've tried. you have your gf to thank for that. I doubt anyone will recognize my writing and connect it to my previous posts, but many posters in the other thread had their predictions come to fruition. Apparently, this guy is living in his basement. His wife found out about the affair and basically kicked him out. I take a little pride in that Then wouldn't you take equal pride in getting rid of your girlfriend? All this anger towards this other guy...and justifiably so....but your girlfriend is the one you should be most angry at. What I'm having trouble coping with is the fact that my girlfriend still deals with this man on a daily basis. And while I think she's being honest with me, I have a little shred of doubt. And you always will, no matter how small of a shred it is. I mean, she still talks to him on a certain online game. Well that isn't on a "professional level" as you said before. See, she isn't telling him to back off. She is still in contact with him on a personal level. This is your girlfriend's fault.....not the other guy's. You can be mad at the other guy...i would be....but you have to be equally, if not more so, angry with your so-called gf. She hasn't removed him fully from her life, and I can't help but think she may still have feelings for him. My question to all of you good folks is, should I still worry? No, you should just get rid of her. Then there is no more problem to worry about. But if you stay with her, ya, you should worry. Or should I let the past go and give my girlfriend my full trust? Why give full trust to someone untrustworthy?
Dexter Morgan Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 i was in the same situation as your girlfriend. I Made a mistake and had an affair with a co-worker but realizing i made a huge mistake i eventually called it off and stayed faithful, but the guy in the affair didnt want the same as i did. but are you still in contact with your affair partner on a personal level?? Because this guy's gf is in personal contact with the OM and isn't telling him to back off.
jess90 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 good on u for giving ur relationship another go altho it must be difficult. people do make mistakes some will go on to make the same mistakes or learn frm them and move on. do u think ur be able to trust her again i mean it will take time, but do u think deep down that she is doing enough to get ur trust back and to make u feel better in the process? seeing as she works with him there will be times they will speak bt has she told him to back off? cos it seems tht her taking lunches with him n talkin to him on online games is pretty unappropriate n u do have reason to be suspicious of this.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Having another man's tool inside of you while your in a commited relationship is not a mistake. That is a choice!!! Why dont people understand that?
samspade Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 She hasn't removed him fully from her life, If she is still including this guy in her life, outside of on a professional (work) basis, that's that. Dump her. Here's the deal: Either she is cheating, OR her behavior is making you suspicious that she's cheating (even if she hasn't), OR your suspicions are pushing her toward cheating. In any case, your relationship is dead. If she's cheating or has cheated (emotionally or physically), you should dump her. If her behavior is making you suspicious (and you've taken inventory and concluded your suspicion is rational), then she is not living up to your expectations as a partner. She should be acting like YOU are the only man in her life, and if that's not the case, that's still on her; her interest in you has dropped and she is being a lousy girlfriend. If she isn't cheating, or behaving funny, and you are simply suspicious and full of anxiety, well, you might as well break up now. You've lost her. Nosing around, asking questions, not trusting her, talking to friends about it...this type of insecurity is the kiss of death. Meaning....you're pushing her away and any chance of getting her back now is probably long gone. The bottom line is that it's just a matter of time before she cheats or dumps you or both. So, since this whole thing continues to eat at you, my advice is to end it. No need to turn into Sherlock Holmes and find proof. You will never get her to admit the truth (at least not 100% of it) so you may as well cut your losses and walk away. At least you'll know you were the better person and she'll realize what she screwed up. And...revenge is a big time waster. Let those two have each other...sounds like that's what they deserve.
lostsunsets Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 If they eat together and talk together, eventually the bond will become strong enough for them to cheat. You will have a down time with her. Or she with you. She will feel ignored or unloved. He will be there, and you heart will be crushed. You need to tell her that you don't want to live like this. Its not fair to you. She will BS you and tell you she can handle it and that she loves you. Tell her, that she obviously, is OK with you feeling pain about this situation and that has shined a new light on just how selfish and unfeeling she is. Tell her you have too much to offer a woman to stay with her and be disrespected. Let her know this, "A year or two from now, you will think back on what we had and weep at the fact you threw it all away, for what? To get your ego stroked by a loser. Good luck"
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