ryce07 Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 okay so i guess you guys don't advocate cheating but i could at least use a little support to stay faithful. it seems to me that although i have a great boyfriend who i have been with for a substantial amoutn of time, i always become tempted to cheat. i am at college where there are lots of new hotties and i have had people approach me- i want to say yes and i feel like if my boyfirnd didn't know, it wouldn't hurt him... i just don't want him to find out. i hope to hear replies that don't include the word "slut" Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 if you're curious about other guys, why not break up with your bf and just explore for a while? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 I think yes's advice is pretty on the money. It may come as a tremendous shock to your bf that you're interested in dating other people, so be aware of that. I know that you don't want to hurt him, but consider the probability that you will be hurting him more by being dishonest and going behind his back. Pain is a temporary thing. This is something that a lot of folks don't seem to grasp, because pain seems to be the most atrocious thing we ever deal with. Your bf will heal, and you might discover one of the hotties is more your bag anyway. Please do not cheat, though. Cheating is far more trouble for everyone than it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 well like i said we have been together a substantail amount of time, and we have broken up once before- it would hurt him a lot.... and i am pretty sure this is the guy i want to marry- i wish he could just understand that i need to explore without his feelings getting hurt Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 you can't explore AND not hurt him, period. so you're going to have to pick one, unfortunately. think whether you're so attached to him because of how long you've been together, or for other reasons. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 ... and have it too? Come on, do you really think it's logical or reasonable to expect that your bf, a man who loves you, should be OK with your need to explore things with other men? I hate to say it but it sounds to me like you're with this guy out of convenience: you've been together for a while, you know he's thinking marriage, and marriage is something you want. But can you really say that you want it with him? It's hard to acknowledge that a really worthy person, who has many fine qualities, just isn't doing it for you, despite the fact that they think you're the one for them. I've been there many a time. It's hard in part because you're left to wonder just what's wrong with you, that you can't appreciate a fine person such as them, that you're still looking for more. But you have to be honest with yourself. And I think the fact that you're itching to be with other guys is a pretty sure indicator that you're not satisfied with your boyfriend -- even if on paper he looks great, even though you've spent a long time with him, even though giving him up would mean giving up a lot of good things and your friends will think you're insane. If you were really happy with your bf you might still have some curiosity about other guys, but it wouldn't be something you feel compelled to pursue. Be brave and be honest. Break up with him. And then start chasing some of those other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 Hello, I have a quick question. How would you feel if your boyfriend said to you that you are the girl he wants to marry and that he loves you a great deal. In addition, he tells you he is surrounded by a lot of hot babes at work and he wants to screw some of them. He figured that if you didn't know it wouldn't hurt you and he does not want to hurt you since down the road he wants to marry you. He only wishes that you would understand that he just wants to have sex with other babes so can play the field so he can get some experience. He just wishes he could explore and now have you feel hurt. It sounds pathetic dosen't it. Either break up with him or tell him you want an open relationship where you can have sex with other guys and he can have sex with other girls. By the way how would you feel if he was with other women behind your back? Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 first of all, i never said i wanted to have sex with other guys. i actually don't think i do. but i want to get to know them better without the fear of making him jealous. secondly, obviously it would hurt if my boyfriend cheated on me, but it i didn't know, i don't think it would upset me very much... unless he gave me an std or something extreme, but then i would know, wouldn't i? Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 [obviously it would hurt if my boyfriend cheated on me, but if i didn't know, i don't think it would upset me very much... unless he gave me an std or something extreme, but then i would know, wouldn't i] ok then! -what he doesn't bring to the table he keeps in the fridge and what he keeps in the fridge spoils Link to post Share on other sites
worried Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 hi well as u know we are both facing the same problem of being confused we love our boyfriends but want to try others right. well i don't know if you have already done anything with anyone else but if u are still fully faithful to your relationship then i suggest that u forget about all other guys. take it from me i met this guy we've hugged and kissed more than a few times and i love being with him but i feel so bad when i'm with my boyfriend it eats away at me so badly but i can't tell him cause he'd be so hurt, i can't bear to hurt him that way so here's hoping it never gets out. i don't want to hide it from him but i love him to much to face losing him and if i could change the past than i would but whats done is done, this guy i met has a current girlfriend and well hopefully this secret lust stay between just the 2 of us. So if u love your boyfriend than stay away from guys that u think u could go further with, it'll ruin everything. i never thought that i could do what i've done but i have, except the worst thing i can't stop it (don't get me wrong we tried but it did't last long till we were back doin what were doin) and i've started to develop more than the friendly feeling for him. we're NOT SLUTS we just found the ONE to early in life. IF u need any thing just throw a message my way and i'll try help u.... Good-luck Link to post Share on other sites
MarieW Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 No you aren't a slut but you aren't ready to settle down. If you were you wouldn't be wanting to experiment with other guys. Best thing you can do is finish with your boyfriend and then you can have guilt free fun for as long as you like. Sorry but you can't have it both ways. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 worried- thanks for showing that someone here can be understanding. whenever i see my boyfriend i wonder how i can ever even think about other guys- and yet as soon as he is gone, its like "out of sight, out of mind" which is really horrible. i wish i wasn't so curious. i have never cheated on my boyfriend in the years that we have been together, but i have definitely been tempted... i mean, how do i know i am making the right choice? and how could i hurt him again if i am not? Link to post Share on other sites
guess Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 As a former chaeter, I can tell you that it does no good to engage in this kind of behavior. You feel like a worm. You go against your morals and once you do it, you're likely to end up thinking, hey I'm already a bad guy, so why not just do it again. You end up destroying not only your life, but the lives of those around you. If I could take back what Id id, all those times I cheated and hurt my girl, maybe she'd still be around today. I loved her and told her so, all the time that I cheated. She was a real good girl. I miss her everyday and wish that I'd just told her the truth from the very beginning. I made her feellike a fool and I humiliated her. I didn't have the balls to own my **** and just come clean and beg her for forgiveness. I thought my actions were justified. I couldn't control my feelings for the other women. At least that's what I told msyelf. I was a coward and I was a total dick to her. I made her feel bad. I made her feel like I cheated because of her. I wasn't adult enough to take responsibility for my actions. I lost a really great girl because I was selfish. God, if I could take it all back, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 I agree- it is not like i think i am right or anything.... it just seems sometimes like the temptation is too strong.... i dont know i also feel our relationship being a lot less interesting than it used to be but we have been together for a long time... i mean at what point does it become work to stay with your boyfriend/husband? or should it never feel like a chore? i don't know Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 what you are feeling is totally normal. i know a lot of couples who never dated anyone else and that in itself is a special thing. but you know that there had to have been ups and downs and times that they wished they had experienced others. then there are people who have slept with so many and get married close to 40 years old and look with envy at those couples who grew together and really built something. what it amounts to is this. you have to know yourself really well. you can never look back and say what if. you have to treasure every good thing you have and try to grow emotionally and spiritually everyday. you may both be very young or inexperienced. you will have to truly think that you will never regret or look back 10 or 20 years from now, then go for it and don't date others. this life is not a dress rehersal. try to live the best one you can. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 please please leave your man! go explore the many fish out there Link to post Share on other sites
vollie Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Please can I have your boyfriend's email address so I can tell him that the girl he's with is not worth his time at this stage, unless, of course he's not serious about you. Why mess around with somebody's life... it's not a game. Maybe one day you will really fall in love with somebody... build up a strong bond between the two of you... only to have him turn around and have a fling with someone else. Nice. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 i really think the people who judge others on this site need to get a reality check. things aren't always black and white- just as an update i broke up with my boyfriend because i think i was not being fair to him. he is looking for something more serious than i am able to give him and pretending i can is not right. thank you to those of you who were supportive/understanding as opposed to passing judgement. hopefully someone will do that for you when you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 Wow you are a slut .... what's your phone number? (kidding!) Don't worry ... you only live life once. Play the field and enjoy the horizon my young one! Link to post Share on other sites
worried Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Hi, just want to say sorry to hear that u and your boyfriend broke up, play the field while u can and hope you find lots of happiness in the future. Good-luck Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 hey worried- i am trying my best to steer clear of guys right now while i get over my boyfriend and figure out what is is that i actually want. there are lots of opportunities out there for me but i am going to try and move slowly. thanks for supporting me. hopefully, if i figure out myself first i wont have to use this site again.... i am so glad i didn't cheat on my boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
emokid Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 I'm the last person to judge anyone. But i just hope you find what you're looking for and that you find happiness and that you can live with the fact that you broke up with your boyfriend and can never truly go back to what you guys had. I hope he is worth losing. Among my circle of friends, the ones who have left good relationships to do some soul searching, have regretted it BIG TIME. I have a friend she was in college, She had a great relationship with a guy who was totally right and good for her, she'd always tell me, but she broke up with him before she went to college because, she didn't want to have any emotional ties(which i think... is a tiny bit selfish and immature) so that in the case she met some other guys, she could try them out to see what she wants. Her guy was crushed and later she tried to get him back, but his feelings had changed and he didn't want to be hurt again. Relationships shouldn't be on a Trial Basis, ya know? Were not a Auto dealer, where you can just try any car you want for a test drive or lease a car and give them up because you wanna try something new, when there's nothing wrong with your current car. I don't know. I'm not saying your wrong. I wish you the best of luck and happiness. I just hate to see people make mistakes and leave good relationships because they're searching for something that they already have. My friend is totally regretful to this day and it was 3 years ago. She says she hasn't met anyone like the love she lost. Link to post Share on other sites
jamesmadison Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Pain is NOT a temporary thing for everybody. I actually don't think it's a temporary feeling at all, but everybody has a right to their own opinion. Trust me I know from 27 years of experience. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce07 Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 i have been talking to my boyfriend and i think breaking up with him is the best decision i have ever made. he is completely over me already- he actually has a date tomorrow- and what i realized is that we were much better friends than lovers. MUCH better. anyway i hope to stay his friend and have even been telling him about a boy i am now crushing on.... i cant believe it is this easy... here is a question for you- what would you do if you had a thing for a guy that has never been kissed? i dont want to take his kissing virginity Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 How old are you? What's the big deal about a kiss? Link to post Share on other sites
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