GaineM01 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Hi Everyone: What do you do with a lazy husband?? I have been married for 24 years to a lazy husband who is getting worse. I am a Christian and divorce is out of the question. The man does have a job, which he is always trying to get out of by calling in sick, whatever. I work a full-time job and take on-line courses for my degree. I also manage all the household work and bills, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning. Last week he was off Saturday and Sunday (his regular days) and he took Monday off. He had just won $1600 lottery, and we have NO money, so this was pretty big. I got dismissed out of jury duty early and wanted to drive down to West Haven which is about 50 minutes away to get the ticket. He didn't feel like it. He said that there was no hurry to do it. I said what are you doing today. NOTHING. I finally convinced to go and he called me a nut. He is very rude to me. Now, we have squirrels in the attic, insted of fixing the fascia board, he is blaring loud rock music to scare them. I was very sick yesterday with a bad head cold. I had to wear ear plugs all day because the sound was deafening. I was stuck working on homework all day. He did nothing. He got up at 11:00AM and said that he didn't sleep well, although he was snoring all night. He got on his chair at noon and starting drinking beer. He drank all day and finally fell asleep at 11:00 (after sitting for 12 hours). In the meantime, I am very sick. I had to wash our upstairs bathroom, fold laudry, do grocery shopping, and get ready for work. I wasn't able to get to bed until midnight. This goes on every week. I have never seen such a sloughful person. He drops his coats on the ground because he is too lazy to pick them up. He refuses to go to the dentist because they would require work and possibly pain. He has just had a second toothache. Sign me disgusted. I can't wait to go to my job just to get away from him.
JackJack Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 There are plenty of Christians who DO believe in divorce by the way. Anyway since you feel divorce is out of the question, then you are limited with your options, and there are a few. Has he been lazy for 24 years or has he recently become that way? Do you feel he might be depressed? How do you speak to him when he is not doing something you want him to do? Are you judgemental and using a critical tone? I'm not saying you do, just asking. Have you really sat down with him and asked him WHY he is lazy? Just a few things to get started on, maybe some others will have some better suggestions.
Geishawhelk Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I was Catholic and managed divorce - twice! However, if there's no possibility or question in your mind that this would be possible - I'd just move out. Separate. Live a detached life. Are there children involved? I feel for you, because I had a taster of this kind of behaviour. Find an apartment, and have your name taken off the mortgage, if you have one. Good luck - but do something!!
Touche Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 You're enabling him. Why should he stop what he's doing when you're doing it all? What would happen if you just stopped doing his laundry and cooking for him? That should get his attention. Then maybe he will divide the chores. If he doesn't then he's going to have to fend entirely for himself. So he can contribute or do it all himself. HIS choice. Don't be a wimp about this.
GorillaTheater Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 What would happen if you just stopped doing his laundry and cooking for him? That should get his attention. That's what it boils down to, assuming you still want to make this marriage work (given your views on divorce, I'm assuming that's the case). You need to wake him up, and it may take a separation to do it. The next trick will be keeping his attention.
Lizzie60 Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I am a Christian and divorce is out of the question. Then.. like a good Christian you need to forgive and love him.. for better or for worst..
PandorasBox Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 I agree with Touche, you're being an enabler. Stop some of what you are doing for him , and see what happens. If it doesn't get any better, then you'll have to decide what is best for your sanity.
gopher Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Ah Lizzie, you have an interesting take on being a Christian. It certainly doesn't mean being a wimp, or submitting to every whim of your husband. I am a Christian and divorce is out of the question. Then.. like a good Christian you need to forgive and love him.. for better or for worst..
Eve Posted February 23, 2009 Posted February 23, 2009 What Touche said.. M Husband is lazy too (his mother did EVERYTHING for him way into his twenties) but he doesnt get opportunity to put his laziness into practise in our marraige! You are going to make yourself SO ill if you continue to enable this man as you are doing. Regards, Eve xx
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