Were broken up now but I still want to be friends, can it work?

[youngandinlove]

You all rememeber my original thread about my married man, well we havent spoke for a few weeks now since the break up . He is coming to the states next week and he wants to have dinner with me. I dont know what to do because I miss his voice, and our long convos. He is so intelligent, and I do not know if I would be leading him on to go on this dinner date with him. I dont want him to think we are getting back to being an item. I dunno I know nothing is going to happen and that Is why i am comfortabl in my position, so what should i do. Is it smart to still be cool with him. Oh dont forget he is goingto be a president one day...

[Owl]

No...you can't go back to "just friends" after the affair...especially with someone who's so used to "getting what he wants".

 

If you want to end the affair...END IT.

 

That means NC...no contact...PERIOD.

 

Anything less is a continuation of the affair. Do you REALLY think he's wanting a "dinner only"?

[Geishawhelk]

Pack it in.

Don't even think of meeting up with him.

It will just lead to sex, which is what he wants.

He doesn't love you, he just wants a fruck-buddy.

I expect he has others lined up if you drop off the radar....

 

In other words - you won't break his heart.

But he'll break yours.

 

Silly girl.

[lovestory5]

I agree that you shouldn't meet with him. If you have a sex, then it will be the beginning. Past should be in the past.

[samprez]

Not that I'm an expert (see my thread ), but the concept of remaining friends with someone with whom you either had an EA or PA is simply not possible. It's a cover for the requesting party to use to allow them to justify their behavior. In my case, the MW I was with always said that but I now understand that she was using that to justify the relationship and still have her cake and eat it too. It's simply not viable. To hell with him, and move on.

[youngandinlove]

Pack it in! You must be English, i love that phrase. Well guys i guess i am just a fruck buddy, haha how awful does that sound hes such a jerk. You guys know im very

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Inexperienced, i dont know. lol Thats probably why i cant make up my own decisions. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Geishawhelk]

Well let us make them for you and save you the trouble.

Don't agree to see him, at all.

 

 

There you go.

Yup, BTW.... I'm English....

[whichwayisup]

All it will turn into is an emotional affair and it'll prevent YOU from letting go and moving on, healing and possibly finding someone else. The friendship is NO good for HIS marriage. This isn't just about you and what you want. I'm sure his wife wouldn't want him spending time with you (does she know about the A?) let alone have a friendship.

[LadyDi]

He won't be President one day.....the press will dig up all his dirt and find you. Then his chances will be shot. Sorry.

[mr.reverb]

There's only one way to be friends after any break up no matter the circumstances.....and that's after time. You need a LARGE time apart with no contact what so ever. I've always said a minimum of 3 months with no phone calls, e-mails or anything. After that, if you happen to run into each other or want to send a hey what's new e-mail then go ahead.

Personally I think 6 months to a year is best if you really want to keep a friendship. It is possible, but very hard.

 

I've done it....but it took about 8 months of no contact. And even then, the beginning of the friendship was awkward and difficult.

[youngandinlove]

Oh and to whichwayisup no she does not know, not that i know of. I dont like to call it an affair. I dont like call it that, its hard on the ears..lol.

 

Lady di, he will run for president in an African country(i cant say which one), and although you are intitled to your oppinion, your just being a pessimist, so fu.

lol

 

mr.reverb, i think your right. I think it will be easy though he is a entreupernuer of a company and he is always travelling so I know it wont be such a hard break hes always all over the place anyways. it will be good for me not to keep track of

where he is.

thanks to everyone else.

[whichwayisup]

Oh and to whichwayisup no she does not know, not that i know of. I dont like to call it an affair. I dont like call it that, its hard on the ears..lol.

 

But it WAS an affair. Part of healing and letting go is facing your choices and consquences..Being in denial and not liking to hear "affair" is not going to help you. It's hard on your ears, maybe hard for you to accept your role as the OW in the affair.. ANyway, it's over so try your best to stay in NC mode and cut him off emotionally.

[carhill]

Very exciting. I wonder how many other friends he has....

[confusedinkansas]

Almost a year after the A stopped...I moved out from my H. (not because of the A...because of other issues) The man I had the A with started inching his way back in my life. So I agreed - we should stay friends & that was it - nothing more. We always got along great outside the bedroom, So I figured, what's the harm......HUGE MISTAKE! He used me!!!

He has a girlfriend - would come around & want to hang with me when they were "fighting". Wanted to go out for drinks with me when "She was home with her HUSBAND". Told me over & over that I was the best he ever had.....I understood him better than anyone else, his current GF included. He was miserable but couldn't break it off with her. He just wanted to wait it out to "See where that relationship would go"...HOLY COW...How dumb was I.

This went on for about 6 months.....I finally saw the light & realized the only reason he wanted me around was to CHEAT ON HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND THAT IS ALSO MARRIED!!! (side note: He is divorced)

Serial Cheater.....Was screaming in my ears......I now have NO CONTACT with this twisted human. See what can happen!